Cleo's Mom

Tech question - how do you do that whole @ thing with the posters name. I am not tech savvy. lol - Thanks.
As to the other part of your post. I don't see why anyone on here has the right to be judgmental or mean. Everyone on here is here for the same reason - obesity. And not one of the sleevers is a perfect post-surgery candidate. No one is going to put a tiara on their head. So give some sound advice, maybe some sympathy and be helpful. If you can't do that then don't post, IMO.

Then why don't you enlighten us all and tell us what post you were referring to.
It still doesn't change the comments that were made about the post I posted - even if your comments were about another post - obviously I wasn't the only one who thought it was her post @blacktee92675.
And I stand by what I said above with regard to what was said to "4 weeks out and depressed" and the insensitive comments made to her. That you were referring to a different post doesn't change that.

Yes, people said that stuff. Yes, typed out. There are lots of people on here who are depressed before and after surgery. Depression after surgery is well documented.
I might add that many gave her some very good suggestions and advice and were civil while doing so. Dare I use the word "nice" (it is subjective, you know). They were sensitive to her dilemma. Some had been there themselves. They did not have to defend their comments or replies.

Here is the original post that was the cause of this thread starting:
Posted March 14, 2015 - 2:39 PM


#1 I have been down lately, and questioning my choice. When I go there, I realize that there is no going back. Stomach is gone, can't come back. Then I am even more depressed. food, food everywhere, and am not allowed to eat it. I think of all the things that I have enjoyed, and wonder if I will ever make the transition to enjoyment elsewhere. I feel like such a "weirdo" not being able to eat a typical, "normal" portion. I get a kids meal and can eat less than half. I keep telling everyone that this won't be forever, but I really don't know if that is true. This week I have "only" lost 2 lbs. I question if it is because I have added "real" food to my diet. Then I know how rediculous this is, since I have only added the average of 300 - 400 calories. Then I wonder if I am in "starvation mode." Does that happen with wls


She says she is depressed over the loss of her stomach, not being able to eat normal portions - in other words - she is having some doubts and feeling depressed about her choice. This is perfectly normal. Many who go through WLS experience this sense of loss and frustration.
She later clarified that it was a Red Robin kids meal of chicken skewers and steamed broccoli but some jumped to conclusions (a new thread she started where she explained again).
But here is what she got in return about the comments made to her post(s):
-She is thin skinned
-Overly affected (by comments)
-Too fragile
-Comments affected her stability
-Such an emotional reaction
-Weak minded
-Mental health not up to par
-Uncontrollable bout of depression (about comments)
-Off kilter
-Can't handle the heat then get out of the kitchen
-Depressed because someone said something mean.
-If the only thing you have ever or ever will love is fast food then, yeah, you made the wrong choice. IS EATING ALL YOU EVER DID? or think about life at McDonald's with a kids meal and pout.
-I suggest you go back to your surgeon and have them immediately reattach your stomach.
-She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and have it - why don't you just drive her McDonald's while you're at it?
Wow! There is nothing in her post that even remotely comes close to the inaccurate, not to mention insensitive comments that were made.
She was not depressed over comments but over the loss of her stomach and the loss of food and fearful she would never eat normal foods again.
But just take a look at the comments she got and didn't deserve. And to make matters worse, those who made them defend them and if someone is insulted by them (she didn't even say that) then of course that's their fault because they're....well see above

Most people who post on here are nice, supportive and offer practical and helpful suggestions when someone is struggling with something. Once in awhile there are those who are very judgmental and have an almost superior attitude if you stray from what they think is the set in stone guidelines. They tend to forget where they came from. If they had WLS then they too had a lot of problems. I doubt any one of them was the perfect post-surgery patient.

Yes, people said that stuff. Yes, typed out. There are lots of people on here who are depressed before and after surgery. Depression after surgery is well documented.
I might add that many gave her some very good suggestions and advice and were civil while doing so. Dare I use the word "nice" (it is subjective, you know). They were sensitive to her dilemma. Some had been there themselves. They did not have to defend their comments or replies.

Here is the original post that was the cause of this thread starting:
Posted March 14, 2015 - 2:39 PM


#1 I have been down lately, and questioning my choice. When I go there, I realize that there is no going back. Stomach is gone, can't come back. Then I am even more depressed. food, food everywhere, and am not allowed to eat it. I think of all the things that I have enjoyed, and wonder if I will ever make the transition to enjoyment elsewhere. I feel like such a "weirdo" not being able to eat a typical, "normal" portion. I get a kids meal and can eat less than half. I keep telling everyone that this won't be forever, but I really don't know if that is true. This week I have "only" lost 2 lbs. I question if it is because I have added "real" food to my diet. Then I know how rediculous this is, since I have only added the average of 300 - 400 calories. Then I wonder if I am in "starvation mode." Does that happen with wls


She says she is depressed over the loss of her stomach, not being able to eat normal portions - in other words - she is having some doubts and feeling depressed about her choice. This is perfectly normal. Many who go through WLS experience this sense of loss and frustration.
She later clarified that it was a Red Robin kids meal of chicken skewers and steamed broccoli but some jumped to conclusions (a new thread she started where she explained again).
But here is what she got in return about the comments made to her post(s):
-She is thin skinned
-Overly affected (by comments)
-Too fragile
-Comments affected her stability
-Such an emotional reaction
-Weak minded
-Mental health not up to par
-Uncontrollable bout of depression (about comments)
-Off kilter
-Can't handle the heat then get out of the kitchen
-Depressed because someone said something mean.
-If the only thing you have ever or ever will love is fast food then, yeah, you made the wrong choice. IS EATING ALL YOU EVER DID? or think about life at McDonald's with a kids meal and pout.
-I suggest you go back to your surgeon and have them immediately reattach your stomach.
-She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and have it - why don't you just drive her McDonald's while you're at it?
Wow! There is nothing in her post that even remotely comes close to the inaccurate, not to mention insensitive comments that were made.
She was not depressed over comments but over the loss of her stomach and the loss of food and fearful she would never eat normal foods again.
But just take a look at the comments she got and didn't deserve. And to make matters worse, those who made them defend them and if someone is insulted by them (she didn't even say that) then of course that's their fault because they're....well see above

Here is the original post that was the cause of this thread starting:
Posted March 14, 2015 - 2:39 PM


#1 I have been down lately, and questioning my choice. When I go there, I realize that there is no going back. Stomach is gone, can't come back. Then I am even more depressed. food, food everywhere, and am not allowed to eat it. I think of all the things that I have enjoyed, and wonder if I will ever make the transition to enjoyment elsewhere. I feel like such a "weirdo" not being able to eat a typical, "normal" portion. I get a kids meal and can eat less than half. I keep telling everyone that this won't be forever, but I really don't know if that is true. This week I have "only" lost 2 lbs. I question if it is because I have added "real" food to my diet. Then I know how rediculous this is, since I have only added the average of 300 - 400 calories. Then I wonder if I am in "starvation mode." Does that happen with wls


She says she is depressed over the loss of her stomach, not being able to eat normal portions - in other words - she is having some doubts and feeling depressed about her choice. This is perfectly normal. Many who go through WLS experience this sense of loss and frustration.
She later clarified that it was a Red Robin kids meal of chicken skewers and steamed broccoli but some jumped to conclusions (a new thread she started where she explained again).
But here is what she got in return about the comments made to her post(s):
-She is thin skinned
-Overly affected (by comments)
-Too fragile
-Comments affected her stability
-Such an emotional reaction
-Weak minded
-Mental health not up to par
-Uncontrollable bout of depression (about comments)
-Off kilter
-Can't handle the heat then get out of the kitchen
-Depressed because someone said something mean.
-If the only thing you have ever or ever will love is fast food then, yeah, you made the wrong choice. IS EATING ALL YOU EVER DID? or think about life at McDonald's with a kids meal and pout.
-I suggest you go back to your surgeon and have them immediately reattach your stomach.
-She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and have it - why don't you just drive her McDonald's while you're at it?
Wow! There is nothing in her post that even remotely comes close to the inaccurate, not to mention insensitive comments that were made.
She was not depressed over comments but over the loss of her stomach and the loss of food and fearful she would never eat normal foods again.
But just take a look at the comments she got and didn't deserve. And to make matters worse, those who made them defend them and if someone is insulted by them (she didn't even say that) then of course that's their fault because they're....well see above

Here is the original post that was the cause of this thread starting:
Posted March 14, 2015 - 2:39 PM


#1 I have been down lately, and questioning my choice. When I go there, I realize that there is no going back. Stomach is gone, can't come back. Then I am even more depressed. food, food everywhere, and am not allowed to eat it. I think of all the things that I have enjoyed, and wonder if I will ever make the transition to enjoyment elsewhere. I feel like such a "weirdo" not being able to eat a typical, "normal" portion. I get a kids meal and can eat less than half. I keep telling everyone that this won't be forever, but I really don't know if that is true. This week I have "only" lost 2 lbs. I question if it is because I have added "real" food to my diet. Then I know how rediculous this is, since I have only added the average of 300 - 400 calories. Then I wonder if I am in "starvation mode." Does that happen with wls


She says she is depressed over the loss of her stomach, not being able to eat normal portions - in other words - she is having some doubts and feeling depressed about her choice. This is perfectly normal. Many who go through WLS experience this sense of loss and frustration.
She later clarified that it was a Red Robin kids meal of chicken skewers and steamed broccoli but some jumped to conclusions (a new thread she started where she explained again).
But here is what she got in return about the comments made to her post(s):
-She is thin skinned
-Overly affected (by comments)
-Too fragile
-Comments affected her stability
-Such an emotional reaction
-Weak minded
-Mental health not up to par
-Uncontrollable bout of depression (about comments)
-Off kilter
-Can't handle the heat then get out of the kitchen
-Depressed because someone said something mean.
-If the only thing you have ever or ever will love is fast food then, yeah, you made the wrong choice. IS EATING ALL YOU EVER DID? or think about life at McDonald's with a kids meal and pout.
-I suggest you go back to your surgeon and have them immediately reattach your stomach.
-She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and have it - why don't you just drive her McDonald's while you're at it?
Wow! There is nothing in her post that even remotely comes close to the inaccurate, not to mention insensitive comments that were made.
She was not depressed over comments but over the loss of her stomach and the loss of food and fearful she would never eat normal foods again.
But just take a look at the comments she got and didn't deserve. And to make matters worse, those who made them defend them and if someone is insulted by them (she didn't even say that) then of course that's their fault because they're....well see above

Like the judge who was asked to define pornography said - "I'll know it when I see it".
Same goes here. I'll know a rude comment when I see it and obviously the person(s) who complain about them do too. People who make them can continue ad infinitum, ad nauseum to try to defend them with all kinds of excuses about using back buttons, staying off here, freedom of speech and blaming the victim.
Notice how no one has to defend nice, helpful, supportive comments? That speaks volumes.

Like the judge who was asked to define pornography said - "I'll know it when I see it".
Same goes here. I'll know a rude comment when I see it and obviously the person(s) who complain about them do too. People who make them can continue ad infinitum, ad nauseum to try to defend them with all kinds of excuses about using back buttons, staying off here, freedom of speech and blaming the victim.
Notice how no one has to defend nice, helpful, supportive comments? That speaks volumes.

If the reader finds it offensive or rude enough to start a new thread about it (or even just says they felt insulted) then I don't see how my finding it rude makes me the ultimate judge. I am entitled to call it like I see it, as are you. You can call it tough love, a needed kick in the butt or whatever euphemism you want. And I will call it what I want.
If someone said they had beer and donuts and didn't lose weight I would say: " We've all done it. We've all strayed from what we should be doing. No one is perfect. You know what you need to do to start losing weight again - you've done it already. You've lost X pounds. Just get back on the wagon, drink your Water and Protein, step up your exercise and forgive yourself. You'll get there. And the next time you're tempted to eat/drink something you shouldn't think of how bad you felt this time."
I would never refer to someone's decision as dumbass or to shake their ass in kickboxing (you don't know the person's physical limitations). You don't know the background of the poster either - all the more reason not to make these kinds of comments.
There are a few on here who support your way but many more who post my way.
I stick to my way and you stick to yours.

Online Definiton:" Examples of cyberbullying include mean text messages or emails." I would add posts to that, too.
And as someone on here said: "If the shoe fits feel free to lace that bitch up and wear it."

Irony definition: the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.
Nope, don't see that here. I didn't insult and certainly didn't bully anyone by quoting a well known phrase (unnecessarily altered somewhat by the poster) that was put on this thread.
Like I said, those who post kindly never have to defend themselves.
Well, I guess you've been the perfect pre-op and post-op patient who has never once gone off the wagon so to speak. Or made any mistakes. Good for you.
Any other perfect sleeve pre or post opt people? Feel free to tell us how to be perfect through out all of this journey. I am sure those who are imperfect could learn so much. However, I don't think those who are imperfect would view my remark as patronizing.
Maybe a new thread could be started entitled "Perfect sleevers please step forward - those who have made mistakes need not post".

Have a perfect day!!

@@heynowkc
Great post. You hit the nail on the head for all the relevant points previously discussed. And you made excellent points of your own. Good for you. I couldn't agree more. Thanks for your post. :)

If you have NEVER fallen off the wagon or done something "against the rules" during this journey then that makes you perfect. If you have then that makes you imperfect. You are one or the other. You've either done it or you haven't. If the perfect people who have "never done that" (gone off the wagon even a little) feel patronized, please feel free to tell me.

thanks everyone maybe if my mother in law had as much sense as all of you I'd have done some of the things suggested eating the sauce and the meat or bringing my own, but she went right for the not going to cook just for you thing and it rubbed me wrong.

Bullies abound in the anonymity of the internet. There are cases where those bullied online have committed suicide.
Bullies should not be tolerated on here. Those on here all suffer/suffered from obesity. They know all about face to face ugly, rude and insensitive comments. They have no more reason to accept them on here than they did in person.
The fact that they call out those bullies on here who are rude, harsh, insensitive or just plain mean does not make them "thin skinned" or "weak minded". I don't recall anyone saying they were "absolutely devastated" or went into "an uncontrollable bout of depression" over comments on here.
And if a person is hurt and upset by a remark that does not disqualify them from seeking WLS. That's called being human.
Don't hide behind the anonymity of your hurtful remarks and then blame the person they were aimed at. How hard is it to give your advice in a nice way? Apparently hard for some. Don't forget where you came from. You weren't a perfect person before WLS and you certainly aren't the perfect post-surgical person either.

I have been posting on the sleeve forum as I currently have the band (2008) and hate it and am considering revision.
Let me say on here what I said on there. ALL WLS IS A CRAP SHOOT.
You aren't going to know how you do with it (even if you comply) until you have it. You will find those who hate their WLS and have complications. You will also find those who love their WLS and have been very successful.
My band never did one thing it was promoted as doing. It never allowed me to feel satisfied. It was like that big empty stomach below was saying "Hey, I'm still hungry - feed me" but I was physically unable to eat more due to pressure/pain if I did. So, for me the band was the worst of both worlds (didn't help me to lose weight, didn't provide satiety and was always hungry). Plus I had a major stuck episode (2009) that took me to the ER. I am sure getting shot couldn't be more painful. I couldn't even talk. If this happens to you - you will definitely question your choice. I had all the fill removed then.
Had I known this was how the band would be for me do you think I would have gotten it? But we don't know until after it's done. So, all WLS is a risk (I'm not talking surgical risk) as to whether it will be successful for you.
I can so identify with those who say the same thing I have said. But there are also many who just love their band and have been very successful.
It's a tough choice but I would never encourage anyone to have the band based on my results. Plus there are some surgeons who don't do the band anymore and Allergan has gone out of the band business. You have to ask yourself why this is. Plus research has shown that the band is the least effective WLS for long term weight loss (keeping it off) and about 50% eventually have theirs removed.
Please don't kill the messenger!

@@heynowkc
Great post. You hit the nail on the head for all the relevant points previously discussed. And you made excellent points of your own. Good for you. I couldn't agree more. Thanks for your post. :)

Haha! Great post. Sometimes I read through the posts on this site and am amazed at the carrying on, judgmental replies, and "answers" to questions from those who really should just keep quiet. I have never seen more holier than thou attitudes anywhere that are worse than a select few at bariatricpal.com.
Personally I think they should lighten up and quit preaching. Get a sense of humor and perhaps not project your misery onto others so often.
PS: Really what I wanted to say was Yeah - how about zipping it you know it all mf-ers. But I decided to be halfway polite and post the above response.

Thank you for those images. They are powerful. I am going to try to visualize that when there is a post from someone who is having a hard time and I am responding.

Either you can't keep track of who you are disagreeing with, or there are two therapists in this thread, because I'm the former therapist. But if there are two of us, hello therapist buddy!
Earlier you said 'sorry for your loss', again I think there is some confusion - I have MS, but I'm not dying. I'm not professionally frustrated either - I'm a stay at home mom now, and I find that to be really fulfilling. I don't need internet forums for surrogacy for my former profession, because while I mention it when it's relevant, it's not how I define who I am. And I'm not here for drama either - I get enough of that with the MS.
I came here because I was raised to know that you don't kick someone when they are down. Depression, frustration, and loss of willpower are not weaknesses, they are normal human responses to overwhelming stress and change. So when I see someone getting kicked when they are down, someone struggling to keep their head above Water being deliberately shoved back under the surface, I step in to provide defense and support. It's instinctual, a fundamental part of who I am, its been automatic my whole life. In a supposedly supportive environment, I don't know how not to do it. I responded flippantly only because it seemed that that's how the OP viewed the situation, based on their post. It was not some drama heightening technique, it just seemed to be the way the OP wanted discourse. I don't want pandering in this group, it does no one any good, but neither do I want people being vicious simply because being anonymous strips away consequences. I see it over and over and over on the internet, and while that is how it is some places, places of 'support' are not it, unless they are defined that way from the start - which this group isn't.
"If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen." Yes, duh. But what if the kitchen had a big sign that said "when you are frustrated and exhausted and you just can't bear it anymore, come on in, you'll find support here."
Be honest - if we were all physically in a room, and one of us was crying because of the stress and the overwhelming change in her life - would you tell her to leave, that she was too weak to be a part of the group?
I'm just so done. It's so stupid, the more I explain myself, the less you'll listen. Really, I only still respond because there may be someone quietly reading who needs the support, who needs to know that someone empathizes with them and why they're here. Since this got moved off the main board, I probably don't have to worry about that anymore.

Well said. I was talking to one of my friends about that post , I saw that you said " kids meal" and I was telling her- that doesn't mean " fast food" it could have just been a children's size healthy meal. There are days when I'm tempted to stop going on this site. The Thread about Sugar Vs artificial sweeteners was also very heated. I stopped reading that one a long time ago. There have been times I wanted to start a thread about some concerns I have but didn't want to deal with the people that just start bashing you for mistakes we make.

Don't let one or two ruin your experience. The vast majority of people on here are helpful and compassionate.
The ones jumping all over you are most likely reacting to their own issues anyway.