May 9, 2006

I am so down today, I am so sick of being in pain. And I just wish oh how I wish I could just be a normal bandster. I read all thoes wonderful threads about great news and I cant help but feel jealous and that is unlike me at all. I think I will stop reading so much on here and just write in my Journal.

I talked to a lawyer, just to talk to see if there is anything I can do, not that i would really do anything I was just curious and wanted to see. But he thinks I dont have much, he said that the Lapband is a high complications rate so its all over looked because I should have known that. I guess poor patient care is part of that. Yeah I might not be totally damaged by this but still.... Oh well its okay I really just wanted to see any how.

Gosh it just hurts so bad inside everytime I think of how much I want to be normal... a normal bandster.. to have posts like "I lost 100pounds" or "I went down 2 more sizes" UGH I hate this so much... I always think what if I just had called one other Dr. first. what if.... what if.... what if.... I cant live like this. :think

I cant sleep, I have to take 2-3 pain pills before bed... my right side is starting to hurt so bad from sleeping on it so much. My wound burns all night like a sunburn that is being rubbed by a brilo pad. My husband had to stay home from work yesterday to clean the house because I cant. I cant take a normal shower, or a bath... I have to sit there making sure the water doesnt touch my stomach.

Sometimes I think I wish I never got this band at all. :cry

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Trish, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I hope that things get better very soon.

Oh you poor thing...((((((((((hugs)))))))))) I am so very sorry that this has been your journey so far. You seem to have dealt with everything with courage and resilience and I am amazed that only now you sound as though you are at wits end...not surprising! Your would is now healing well and you have a doc to keep it that way for you. Once that is over and done with you can take a little time to get your breath back and go and chase your dream again. With your strength, there's no reason to believe next time it will be the same...next time dreams will come true. All best wishes Alison