Trouble Allowing

OMG! Today I am soooo obsessed with food. Im looking up food or nibbling or watching something about food.

My mind is hungry or something. Or maybe my heart/soul is hungry. But for what? What will fill the void.

I don't know. I think I need a purpose. Ive been pretty bored, lonely, bored, unmotivated, blah. I am tired for no reason. I think the kjey is to get my ass back in the gym. Ive been having a hard time getting to the gym but I have been trying to supplement my workout needs with walks. I see that I need vigorous exercise to feel awake. The walks are nice and all but I dont feel more alive afterwards. New York in the spring is an amazing place, the people are like flowers. The sun comes out and out comes the fabulousness that id NYC style. I had hoped that I would be able to participate this spring but I still haven't a job, money, or the amount of weight lost to shop at better stores.

I guess I feel like a failure. Its been a year since my college graduation and a little more than a half of year since getting my band and I dont feel that I have done enough since either. I had expected to have my paper published and have lost way more lbs by now. Im having a bit of trouble accepting that Ive done what I could with the life and time that I have.

The truth is that there has been death, illness, and depression all within this last year but I still feel like I am making excuses. I need to cut myself some slack.

Therapy here I come.