Ambivalence

I read in someone else's blog entry (or maybe it was a forum post) that her overweight friend who had a lap-band procedure but didn't lose any weight seemed to be negative when talking to her about getting a sleeve. Then I thought about the way I've been feeling since I was sleeved. I honestly don't think a day has gone by that I haven't had some feeling of regret -- so I can't imagine how I'd feel if I'd had a WLS and not lost any weight. Now, don't get me wrong. I have my eye on the end game and I know that in time, and as I lose weight, I will be happier about my decision. But right along through here I am like a whiney baby. At this stage in my process I can't say that I would recommend it to anyone; not that I would purposely try to discourage anyone, either. But, if asked, I would be honest about my feelings of ambivalence. Of course, what's done is done and I have to live with the choice I've made. And I'd want to tell any friend of mine of the bad just as well as the good so they can make a well-informed decision. I do have faith that it will get better, though, and I will be happy with the end result.

Having said all that, I also must add that yesterday was probably the best day I've had since the surgery. Around mid-week I found that, that uncomfortable sensation of feeling food travel through my esophagus to my stomach had diminished greatly. Also, that nasty metallic taste is finally gone, which makes me less nauseous. With these improvements it is much easier for me to take in more fluids and protein sources. Thank God!

Speaking of protein sources, I had my first piece of fish yesterday. Tilapia pan seared with olive oil cooking spray and light seasoning. Talk about a welcome addition to my diet! It's amazing how much better I feel. Also, after almost passing out at work on Monday, I am paying much more attention to getting my fluids in, which also has made me feel a lot better.

Then I read a post yesterday about hair loss. Just what I needed. Something else to make me wonder if I should have done this. Aaaargh!

So, do I still have fleeting thoughts of regret? Yes. But the fact that I'm feeling better helps me to remain optimisitic that in the future (and not-so-distant, I hope) I will look back on the decision as being one of the best I've ever made.

Sleeved 2/27/12