It's a band new me!

Hello Lap Band Talk!

Here is my story: I am 37 years old, I am married to an absolute dream of a man (seriously, I ask myself all the time how I landed him :wub:), I am a mother to a ten year old daughter and a soon to be three year old son. My son keeps me on my toes most of the time. I love him to the ends of the earth, but he drives me crazy. I also teach elementary school in Texas, so for 9 months of the year, my life is complete chaos. Also, I teach math, so don't judge me for any grammatical mistakes! It is crazy hot here right now and the idea of exercising 30 minutes a day sounds like sheer torture.

I am generally a pretty personable person and I am outgoing. Sometimes I wonder if I am so outgoing to cover my insecurities about my weight. That's a topic for another day and possibly a paid psychiatrist. I am having lap band surgery not because I want to change my life, but because I want to prolong the good thing I've got going here.

Weight wise...I'm not sure when or how I went down the hill of no return. I was never a small girl, but I was always involved in sports so I think it kept my eating in check. When I went to college and ate dorm food and drank too much of beverages that were not water, is when I started gaining steadily. Multiple breakups were also to blame only making the problem worse. I finally met "the one" and then we ate almost as sport because we were happy and eating was celebratory. Dieting= punishment mentality. I've still stayed pretty confident about my appearance. I guess enough people told me I was pretty along the way to sustain my "anti-anorexia goggles." When I say I am "anti-anorexic", this means that instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a morbidly obese person, I see only my good features and ignore the bad. "Dang Girl, you're looking good." Sounds conceited but it's my coping mechanism I think. Again...paid shrink.

I really committed to losing weight this year. I joined Weight Watchers and I followed it faithfully for about 8 months. I had trouble at Christmas but I was able to lose 30 lbs. in all. THEN my father-in-law passed away and a week later my Grandmother passed away. Those were tough times to stay on a diet...so I didn't. I've gained about 1/2 of it back. I've never been able to break that 30 pound barrier. I am currently 268 lbs. I was 269 earlier but I am doing the preop diet and I have been weighing myself like crazy and now I am 268. I carry about a 1/4 of that weight in my bra. "bigger than yo' head" is how I frequently describe the girls. I am sooooo looking forward to some of that disappearing. I've finished nursing my kids, so I am about done with lugging these things around all the time! I sure wish I could donate to the needy. Could be a nice tax break...something to think about.

Anyway, I am having surgery on July 9, 2013. This day will surely change my life and help me break my relationship with food. I was sort of sad about no longer being able to overeat anymore even though I know it's what needs to happen. It's like an abusive relationship! It's so bad for me, but I can't stay away! It's time to break up with food because food has been doing me wrong for so many years. I need to immerse my time into something else. Hmmm....housecleaning? Ugh - I think I just threw up a little at the thought. I am excited and anxious about the surgery. Not looking forward to pain, but excited to get it behind me. I've had two c-sections so I keep thinking it will be somewhat similar.

I am looking forward to logging my journey - the good and the bad. I want to get and give support and I am so excited that I found this forum! This means there are people on the other side that have been successful with LapBand and can help me get through this.