My Ass is Missing

I haven't posted in several weeks, so here's an update. I had my lap band on 6-29-09. I've had 2 fills for a total now of 3.5cc. I can eat almost anything, but not a large quantity. I've lost right at 40# and feel amazingly better. I weigh 200 and can't wait to get below that.

For those who followed my blog from the beginning, you'll remember my mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer the day after my surgery. It has progressed quickly and she is hospitalized now, probably going home with hospice this week. She completed 20 radiation treatments for the brain metastasis. She no longer acts anything like the vibrant, smart, informed, savvy woman that she has always been, but thankfully there is no pain. I won't know how to act without her, but I know I need to be prepared. Life will be so different without her and I just feel like crying my heart out. I'm a nurse, and it's hard to know where the nurse ends and the daughter starts, or vice versa.

What this all has taught me is to enjoy life no matter how I look on the outside. I've put off doing so many things in my life because of my "fat" appearance and I regret that. NOT ANYMORE!!! I will honor my mom by living each day with courage and strength and joy and laughter, because that is what she did.

Thank you all for allowing me to be part of this LB family. I will eventually get to my goal weight and I appreciate the technology afforded by this fabulous band.

Lauraq - this is the first time I have encountered your posts, and I want to say how sorry I am about your mother. I lost mine in Feb., and I understand how terrifying it is. Just know that it will get better with time. You are already grieving. Give yourself permission.

Thank you renebeau - if you don't mind my asking, what was wrong with your mom and how old was she? I don't feel like anything will ever be "normal" again Tonight is the first night I've been home in 2 weeks - I've either been at her house at night or with her in the hospital but I just felt like I needed to be home. I'm exhausted. Thanks for listening.

Laura- I haven't been on here in a while and i am so sorry to hear about your mom and her decline. I will pray for you and your family daily. I am so proud of you and your weight loss - you are doing a great job!!!!

I got approved today- surgery should be on Oct. 14th- so I am very excited.

may God bless you- keep me posted on all things.

Leslie

Hi Laura,

I am so sorry to hear your Mom has taken a turn for the worse. I truley know how hard it is. You sound like you are so strong but you must allow yourself to let loose. I am here for you anytime! Loretta

Hi Laura. My mom was 68. She fell last October and broke her hip. She had "failure to thrive", according to my sister (an RN) for awhile before that. X rays showed lung cancer. It was a tough time traveling from Texas to Colorado. When she finally passed away in February, I hate to say, but it was a relief. She had vacated her body much earlier. I felt guilty for not feeling sadder, but I realized I had been mourning for her for a long time.

I am glad your mom still has her wits about her. Enjoy that time with her.

If you want to talk privately, I'd be happy to. I do not know much about how to do private messages on this site, but would be happy to correspond w/you.

I wish you the best.

Rene'