how I got here....
By chellt75
· 301 views
Okay, so i finally got serious about this in August of 08...
I had been completely out of control and had given up.... The only thing that was getting me up every morning, was the drive-thru - anything cheesey with a big ole' diet coke was all I needed for motivation to get up and go :smile2:!
Lunch was whatever the school cafeteria was slopin' that day...the cafeteria lady really liked me so she gave me double portions or extra cookies-woohoo!!!:cursing:
My afterschool snack was a couple to a few Little Debbies washed down with a - you guessed it - big ole' diet coke....:thumbup:
Dinner was a scavenger hunt for the largest portion I could find - didn't really matter what it was, as long as it was alot of somethin'!:sad:
I now know, (and am pretty sure I knew at the time) that I was trying to eat away some pretty negative feelings. What I was actually doing was eating myself to death... I had moved away from my home, my firends, my church family and completly severed my relationship with the Lord. Thankfully, He never left me:tt1:.
This went on from about January till well, about August. I joined a gym in July, but my eating was still out of control....
In August, we started school and my job had changed.... I was again working with kids that I loved, but quickly discovered that I was not able to perform my job the way I wanted to....
I was sitting in the floor with a little boy, who was having a very difficult time and all these people were watching... Now, the audience has never bothered me before, my students' meltdowns often attracted attention. But this time I was humiliated because I couldn't get up out of the floor! And I don't mean "I couldn't get up gracefully", I mean I actually couldn't get up.
Thankfully, I discovered the doorknob behind me and heeved myself up...
I left work that day and went to see a trainer...:w00t:
She was precious and got me started that day (I'm pretty sure she heard the desperation).
Over the course of the year, I struggled with my eating, exercise, my purpose - and my relationship with the Lord. I came through with a renewed faith, 30 pounds lighter and a new shunt for my brain (long story). 30 pounds isn't alot at my size, but for the first time in my life - I hadn't gained:wink2:.
And better yet, I was no longer angry...:thumbup:
And although that 30 pounds is a
great accomplishment, it isn't the end of what I need to do....
So here I am, 3 days into the preop for LapBand surgery... I wasn't sure this was the path for me, but left it in the Lord's hands (huge for me) and he opened doors that I never thought was possible...My sugery will be paid 100% by my insurance. I was given a surgery slot on a non-surgery day 14 days from now in a practice that is booked three months out....:tt2: This is one of the few things in my life that I have totally let go of and trusted Him with.... I did not beg, bargain or try to manipulate the situation...(again - huge for me) In fact, I had pretty much given up on the idea and decided to try diet pills (not a good idea) when I called my insurance company "for closure." Fast forward 3 days and here I am!!! I start back to work tomorrow, and still have to be approved to be off, but I am not worried.... I trust that it will all work out... Becasue I know who is in control....and it's not me:wub:.
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