Jump to content

Hello! Welcome to the Largest Bariatric Surgery Community Online!

Welcome to BariatricPal, the largest Weight Loss Surgery social network in the world! We provide a unique platform for Weight Loss Surgery patients and potential patients alike that enables you to make informed choices involving your Weight Loss Surgery decisions as well as providing you the Weight Loss Surgery support you need to meet your goals. Sign up now or download our app to access exclusive member features!

Join our 250K+ WLS member community. It's free!!!

Judgment Day

August 24, 2013 by southernsoul

Lately, I’ve been thinking about judgments & why people feel compelled to judge others.  People post a lot here about feeling judged by friends and family members for deciding to have surgery, or feeling judged by skinny people for being fat in the first place.  Personally, I have been fortunate that not one single negative word has been said to me with regards to having surgery.  My family and friends have all been very supportive.  Intellectually, I know I am (or have been) judged negatively by other people for my weight, but I honestly don’t usually notice those judgments.  If I do happen to notice or feel judged by somebody, I don’t generally internalize the judgment and allow it to continue to affect me.

But it seems to me that there is also a fair amount of judgment happening among members of the WLS community.  Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it quite overt, but it’s all judgmental bulls**t that says more about the person making the judgment than it does about the person being judged.  Here are just a few judgments I have observed being made here and elsewhere among members of the WLS community.  Some of these judgments have been directed at me, some I’ve observed in others, and one or two I am guilty of making.

Everyone who needs/wants WLS has a food addiction or depression or very low self-esteem.  If you say you don’t, then you are either lying or in denial.

People who go to Mexico for surgery are less prepared mentally and emotionally than those who have surgery in the US.

My surgeon does things the “right” way.  If your surgeon tells you something different, he/she is wrong and I am justified in telling you to ignore your surgeon’s instructions.

People who slip up on the preop diet are not ready for surgery and will likely fail.

People who do not follow instructions to the letter in the first couple of months post-op are not committed to the process and will likely fail.

People who do not commit wholeheartedly to an exercise plan postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail.

People who drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or smoke weed postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail.

People who come here posting questions without first searching for the answer are dumb or lazy.

People who credit their faith with helping them get through this process are annoying and should not talk about their faith in relation to WLS.

People who are atheist or agnostic are missing the most important part of life and should be pitied.

People who have plastics after WLS are vain.

People who struggle to put their own needs ahead of others aren't trying hard enough or valuing themselves enough.

I’m sure other folks can think of more, and there is also a whole raft of judgments that we frequently make against ourselves.  The point is that none of these judgments are true and none of these judgments are supportive or helpful in any way.  We all have our own path to travel, and I believe we each generally do the best we can at any given time.  At various times, my “best” will be better than some and not nearly as good as others, and that’s true for everybody.  I don’t know if judging others is a way to feel better about ourselves, or just a bad habit we fall into, but it certainly does seem to come naturally to us.  In my opinion, reaching out for support is a healthy, intelligent, and wise thing to do.  Let’s try to respect the courage it takes to be here, and check our judgments at the door.

1 Comments / 246 views
Share this Topic with all your Friends:
Posted by: Purplrose323
Aug 24, 2013 5:11 PM
Could not have said it better! Insanely insightful! Love reading your blogs, they always make me think :-)

Recent Entries

  • Photo
    Salt and Pepper Shaker

    So we are on day 3 after my ankle surgery and i am not a very happy camper,in a lot of pain and extremely tired. The only plu...
    jessicalee196 - Nov 19, 2015 5:39 PM

  • Photo
    First exercise

    It's been 6 months since I got banded. To be honest, I haven't felt like exercising at all!! I mean I have been taking walks...
    nickelbv - Nov 17, 2015 4:04 PM

  • Photo
    Ankle Surgery

    Unfortunately today I had to get my second ankle surgery of the year, the first surgery I had back in January for my ankle it...
    jessicalee196 - Nov 17, 2015 3:33 PM

  • Photo
    Date Night

    So I got home late last night and forgot to post on here! Yesterday was date night for me and my fiancé we went all over Read...
    jessicalee196 - Nov 15, 2015 6:38 PM

  • Photo
    40 Pounds

    I met my doctor on Wednesday and I've lost 18kg/40 pounds!! I was so happy. And he was very happy with me. He didn't want to...
    nickelbv - Nov 14, 2015 4:48 PM

Recent Comments

  • Photo
    Just a bad feeling . Even though everyone says it will get better .

    Hang in there!  Talk to your Dr - or someone at the office to see what they think of your diet to see if changes need to...
    kfs101114 - Nov 02, 2015 8:18 PM

  • Photo
    Struggle Bus

    Thanks for sharing and being honest! i had gastric bypass in 2011 and on Nov 5th im having a revision Im getting the sleeve,...
    Scotty J Melendez - Oct 20, 2015 4:07 PM

  • Photo
    So it starts

    Thanks for sharing and being truthful in your story! good luck in your new journey my surgery date is Nov 5th! im scaed as **...
    Scotty J Melendez - Oct 20, 2015 4:03 PM

  • Photo
    I Failed My Band

    Good luck on your new journey and no you didn't fail the band. The band failed you. 
    nickelbv - Oct 17, 2015 8:12 AM

  • Photo

    awww how sweet, thank you :) I thought nobody was reading and I was only blogging for my self :) Thank you for your kind word...
    nickelbv - Oct 17, 2015 7:10 AM

Together, we have lost...