10/3

Thought I had a handle on the band rules. Have been doing so well yet after first fill 9/8 didnt really feel all that restricted. Anyway this weekend have been out of control!! from eating my some of my father in law birthday cake to 3 medium slices of pizza. there wasnt anything i didnt get into. didnt seem like i had any restrictions. am in my period so thought maybe that had something to do with it but there is something else. It has slowing been creeping up on me....as much as I have been so positive and have seen some amazing results I think little by little I have been pushing the envelope. you know having more that I should, not necessarily the right thing either. was sick about a week ago and had so many pbs, couldnt eat anything for about 3 days. since then have gone in reverse and have stopped exercizing daily. im writing you because im feeling real guilty and stupid.

having the band is what i really want to do. my dedication is there but i feel myself sliding into old habits. like not taking my lunch, eating at the right times, not drinking enough water, etc, etc.....

iam so confused and feeling lost. how, how do i get back on track???

where do i start??? i cant seem to focus. lately all that has been going on around me is getting to me emotionally and if im honest, has been a major distraction to my goals for myself. in the past week my sister in law was diagnosised with end stage ALS, my father was hospitalized with rejection from chemo, my friends cervical cancer has come back, mad at my husband because he wont buy me a scale (think maybe im punishing myself becaue he doesnt see how much i need it) and and here comes the big one, havent been itimate in 2 yrs because of my weight and now that ive lost some wonder why not now has left me frustrated and pissed. see told you i was overwhelming myself!!!! since the banding life has been pretty simple but lately it has gotten so complicated. i dont know where to turn so ive come to you all.

i feel so mad at myself. cant seem to shake all this. what should i do?

Micki

First of all I have to say I am sorry you and your family are going through so much. I hope that you believe in the power of prayer. I just prayed for you and I trust that your healing is in progress. Set a moment aside and just ask for the guidance and peace.

I see that you already know what your doing and what you need to do. What is Nike's motto? We all need to estiblish the "Just Do It" attitude. I am a procrastinator from way back so I sometimes I have to "Just Do It". When you are feeling overwhelmed take a moment to find some peace and smile. Your own smile can actually make you feel better, even through tears and pain. Smile 5 times a day and put your joy back into your life. Don't try to be a mind reader. Talk to your husband, he loves you.

Good Luck Micki.

Well Micki,

Anyone can clearly see why you would be feeling overwhelmed. Life is a @#$%^ some times and it seems it all comes at once. I am so sorry to hear about the health problems all your loved ones are having to endure, that is really stressful. That means you have to be extra vigilant in your resolve to take care of yourself. Your loved ones need you to lean on and they can't if you're falling apart. Even more importantly, who will be there for you if you fall apart? It is extremely important that you take care of yourself right now, and that doesn't just mean eating right and exercising, but allowing some alone time with yourself, even if it's simply taking an extra long bubble bath with scented candles and a calm, soothing CD in the player. Heck, you might even enjoy a glass of wine with it just to calm you down.

As for the husband thing, if you want a scale, why don't you just go buy one for yourself? Don't depend on others to give you what you need, learn to give yourself what you need. Personally, I am not sure having a scale in the house is a good thing or not, because most of us just get obsessed with the numbers. There are lots of other ways you can tell if your loosing weight. Regarding the intimacy matter, have you tried sitting down calmly with him and asking him how he is feeling? He needs to know that it's not just about you, it's about both of you in this issue. I don't know your husband so it's hard to say. You both are going through some major changes in your life and counseling may be needed. Maybe he's feeling insecure about your loosing weight. He wouldn't be the first husband who had issues with that. I am just guessing, as I said I don't know anything about your relationship.

But no matter what, during this extremely sad and stressful time, where everything seems to be out of your control, you take control of yourself by eating right and exercising. You know the exercising gives off endorphins, which are feel good chemicals the brain puts out, so you can think clearer and more positively.

Aren't you glad I responded to your post? Sorry, I can talk forever, just ask some of the others on the board.

You can PM me if you need to talk some more. I would be more than happy to lend a sympathetic ear.

Cindy

Wow girl. You have alot going on here.

As for the band, take a bit of a break. Give yourself some wiggle room! That doesn't mean go eat cake and pizza, but come on now, don't you think other things are a little more pressing right now? Not that your weight loss battle isn't important, it IS! but please realize that these additional stresses wil affect it and you need to adjust accordingly. Get yourself some perspective and prioritize these issues into what needs the most time and attention from you. ((((hugs)))) girl and try not to beat yourself up!

I also notice that when I lose, I get hungry. I guess my body is attempting to maintain it's weight and as soon as I lose a few, I get starvin' marvin. And this weekend I, too, ate pizza. Ya know what? It was really yummy and I paid for it on the scales this morning, but today I'll do better and it will be fine. It will be fine!!!

Go to your husband. Talk with him. Or don't, just hug him and love him and let go. It's okay. Don't overthink it or overneed him or something from him. Just be and be with him. It doesn't have to be perfect every time. Choose to love.

Please keep us posted and I'll keep you in my prayers.

I think you have to be a bit understanding of the mind process too. All that overeating and bad choices really isnt going to stop the minute the band goes on and from what I've gleaned it does take people a couple of fills often before they really start ticking along. If you can still fit it in and get it down, you p[robably will - afterall is that the problem we all had in the first place?

The thing is, nothing is ever completely "undone". You still have that band, and you will get more fills and eventually you will get there.

Its just time for a deep breath and stop and think about what you are doing.

And I really think it pays to get rid of the good food/band food mentality and I personally want to look at the band as something that means I never have to "diet" again because when I eat something that's maybe a poor food choice - as EVERYBODY does at times - I wont be able to overeat it. So I dont see what's wrong with some birthday cake or some pizza and 3 slices aint the whole pizza either!

You can do it and you will but it wont be a smooth road and there's no nead to beat yourself up for the bumps.

sounds like you've got a lot going on too and you're only human. The crazy mad pace of life is what's made me fat - not taking the time to look after myself, making poor but easy food choices etc etc and I've realised that that's NOT going to go away in the next two decades whilst I've got three children to turn into decent adults, a degree to finish, a career to start etc etc. So I have no choice but to find a way to live within those restrictions that makes me happy and healthy and really, that's the same for everybody. Bad choices arent really easier you know, its just as easy to grab fruit or a yogurt or whatever. And you dont have the added stress of worrying about it later.

Hope things calm down for you a bit, in the meantime take it a bit easy.

10/3

Theresa,Cindy,Kathy,Jadcut you have brought me to tears. I cant begin to tell you all how deeply grateful I am for you to care to respond to me call for help.

Your wonderful words, thoughts, and prayers have given me the support I was needing. It has given me a sense of peace and now I realize that today was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.

Im going to take a deep breath and give myself some time to re focus and remember why I made this decision and the positive outcome I believe in.

I suppose some of it is that the newness of the band is wearing off, the high your on post surgery.

I dont have any control over what is happening around me but I can control how I handle it.

I know with people, I hope I can call friends, like you it gives me comfort when I face moments like this.

You remind of the success I have had in the past 8 weeks and stop returning to the little side bars Ive taken.

Again from the bottom of my heart I really really thank you for taking the time to listen to my "moments" and being there.

Will keep you posted.

Micki

Hi Micki,

Glad we were able to help and that you were able to hear what we had to say. That's a step in the right direction, now just keep moving forward one step at a time.

You can PM me anytime you feel like you need some extra help.

As for calling us friends, I am sure that I can speak for the others when I say it is a privledge to be considered friends. We can never have too many.

I know you are still having a stressful time, and it's hard to focus on yourself when things like that are happening. But if you can do one positive thing for yourself each day, no matter what it is or how small, then you will have succeeded for that day. In the midst of problems, it's hard to notice the positive, but it's there, it always is, you just have to look. It may be something as simple as a bird's song that makes you smile or the fragrance of flowers from your garden, but there is always something positive to find.

Take care of yourself. We are all here for you if you need us.

((((((((HUGS))))))))

Cindy

we're all here for you. this is a wonderful support system of people who know exactly what your feeling and what your going through. I am not a perfect bandster by any means, but I try a little more each day - and its working for me. I've started just by parking far away from the stores I go to when shopping. gotta start somewhere right? well each day is a new day to start somewhere.

as far as your husband goes - gggggrrrrrrrrr how frustrating I know! But when you say its because of your weight does that mean on your part or his? I know its difficult to be intimate when your so big - by the way how big are you? My boyfriend and I only have 2 main positions, at first he would want me to do all these positions that being a big non-flexible girl - it was impossible - he's stopped asking - I think he realizes its not that I don't want but I can't right now because of the difficulty. So what's the issue though ? I understand its weight but your problem or his? And yes with everything else you've got going on - this is one issue that can be put to the side only temporarily because it is an important one. I can't believe 2 years!!! I go without for 2 weeks and I'm sooo bitchy to him! I'm good with sex stuff as a biggin if you just want to fill me in a little more maybe I can help and if you don't want to do it on this thread then please private message me or email me and we can chat that way.

Candysmooch,You took the thoughts right out of my head! I was wondering about the husband issue as well.

Micki, I'm so sorry to see so much is going on in your life right now. Please try to stay positive and strong. You will get through this. ((((hugs)))). We all have our days when we eat too much or don't eat the right thing. When you wake up in the morning pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start a new day.

In my opinion, I also think 2 years is a long time to go without a intimate relationship. I'd be sexually frustrated right now, which would send me in a tail spin. I can only go so long without getting some. I'm also thinking why your husband is pushing away from you, sexually. I'm hoping he isn't punishing you for being over weight. I mean does he have a weight you need to get at before he'd be intimate? Or Is this really uncomfortable for the both of you, due to your size? I'm just curious, yet, it's really none of my business. Like candysmooch said, if you don't want to share with us It's understandable. I guess I'm also asking, is your husband supportive to you? Any way I hope you don't find my post rude or insensitive to your situation, it is not my intention. Best of luck to you and you will find away to get through all this, stay strong.

Oh Micki! I'm so sorry!

Please give yourself a big hug! You should know that we are all sending you hugs.

Please give yourself some time right now. That is one of the beauties of the band. Your life right now is out of your control, so it is no wonder you are feeling out of control.

You need to give your band a few days rest on liquids and soft foods. We can get into a terrible cycle of PBs and irritated stoma and feeling sick. Schedule a fill if you can, but if you cannot do this, please do not fret. Your band will be there when you can get back to it.

You must be kind to yourself. You must be. No one else will be. You cannot give to others if you are empty.

So, if you need a scale, why don't you buy one yourself? I don't own one, nor will I, except maybe a food scale. (calories are my current obsession).

2 years is a hell of a long time to go without sex. *sigh* 6 months after getting married my husband fell into a deep bowl of butter and gained 200 pounds. He was terribly depressed, and when you weigh 600 pounds, well I expect that even the thought of sex was too much effort. I almost left him over it. I came within a hair's breath of stepping out.

Get thee to a marrage councelor. If he won't go with you, go alone. It is not reasonable to expect someone else to live a celibate lifestyle. Not reasonable or fair.

We are here for you.