Hi guys,

I am having a hard week and I'm hoping you dont mind If I have a bit of a rant/vent about work stuff.

I posted a few weeks ago about trouble with a co-worker, well things got better and now worse again..

But let me give you a little history first...

I haven't worked for 5 years because of severe depression (also one of the reasons I am now so over-weight) and going back to work for my was a HUGE thing. I was finally feeling like I wanted to get back into 'life' and the world, and take back some of my independence. But it has all fallen apart.

I am working hard and I am proud Of what I am acheiving, and I love the actual work but the environment and management suck!!! The boss is lazy and sexist and I am forever apologising to clients for him. He is intimidating and bad-tempered and sulks. He lies and makes dodgy deals and is forever having a smoke break/lunch or closing early. The co-worker who so upset me last time is horrible to work with too, he's negative and whiney and keeps saying inappropriate things to the customers, and trying to get me help him do his work when I am swamped with my own stuff.

Customers and other staff members have made complaints about the boss to him and to others (higher up) about him and still nothing is done. Lately I have started falling back into old habits - thinking very negatively, wanting to sleep all the time and not wanting to do anything, and feeling on the verge of tears constantly, not to mention eating as much junk as I can cram into my cake-hole.

I love the sense of independence I get from working and earning my own money. but I dont actually have to work, hubby earns enough for me to stay at home if I want to. But I dont want to be a failure again. If I quit and leave this job I will feel as though I have 'screwed up' again, but I dont know if my mental health can take much more of this.

There is no other company in my town that employs 'optical dispensers', so if I give up this job I give up my career. My hubby thinks I should write a 'strongly worded letter' to the HR department - including details of the boss' behaviours but I dont know if I can deal with the fall-out. He is away for 2 weeks now but I know I will spend the next 2 weeks cleaning up his messes and trying (in vain) to placate angry customers who cant understand why their glasses that they 'ordered' 2 weeks ago have in fact not been ordered. I am really feeling stressed and strung out I dont know what to do.

Thanks for listening.

Hi Loulou,

I've been exactly where you are. For my own sanity I had to quit - I couldn't take it anymore and felt I would be a failure if I stayed in that much of an unhealthy situation. I would write a letter to the HR Dept. (my office was just the owner, one other co-worker, and me, so no HR to turn to). But I would still leave. You owe it to yourself. Here's a suggestion - take it for what it's worth.........if you don't have to work, why not go back to school for something else? What do you have a passion for? Once you find your passion - go for it!!

Anyway, I say you are more important than any job! Take care of you!

Definitely write a letter to HR but keep in mind document document document...start your own log with dates and events so that you have a clear basis for your argument that allows you to proove your point without emotion involved-best of luck!

Oh man Loulou, I sure feel for you. Thank you for venting with us. It is important for you, and we are here for you to vent.

My suggestion, make sure you get adaquate excersize, even if it is just taking a quick walk around the parking lot (car park?) on your breaks. Call your doctor right now and get your meds adjusted if need be. Sunshine, do not let yourself slide further into depression. You can catch it now and controll it. You know the signs, please don't wait until it doesn't matter anymore. You know what I'm talking about... (((hugs)))

You must take care of you first.

Start to document everything. Every disgusting thing he says or does, document it. I'm pretty sure that Oz has sexual harrassment laws. He is definately creating a hostile work environment. Some times we can't act because it is "just us," and we can cope, it's not that bad, bla bla bla. But we find we have the strength to act to protect other people who are not as strong as we are. Document everything and report him to HR. Document Junior Jerk as well.

You are right, going back to work is a huge deal. Many people want to discount the importance that work has for us. It can help shape our sense of identity, and it can give us validation. Work is equally important for men and women, and don't let people minimize your work. Which is exactly what this guy is doing.

Duckie is right too. If this is not your passion, go back to school and learn something that is.

Take care Loulou, we are here for you.

Welcome to my life (my old one.) Your story is very common. I've been through hell and back working for "the man." Right now life is awesome, I finally found a lawfirm that let's me combine my analytical mind and organizational skills with the kid inside me. But back in my hell days, there were limited options for me, so I had to put up with a lot of abuse. I consider it abuse and harrassment. Going to HR never helped because it always blew up in my face.

I was desperate because my health was deteriorating (insomnia, anxiety, depression, weight gain.) I finally wrote a couple anonymous letters. I chose my words carefully and made sure nobody saw me. Eventually the letters got into the right hands. Things got ugly for a long time with people being pulled into private meetings. Eventually a couple people quit, one got fired, then finally the boss himself was laid off.

The same thing happened to my sister, but she exploded in the open and ended up getting the boss fired and getting an apology letter from Time Warner offering her whatever she wanted.

You are not alone. My friend Jennifer had the same psycho boss. We each had our reasons for not quitting, but she came over crying every night after work. Then one day she showed up in shock. She was ghost white and couldn't talk because when she got to work, her boss had committed suicide.

I don't really have suggestions, but please know that you are not alone and that there is always light at the end of a tunnel.

Whether you write anonymously or openly - write to HR - and BE SPECIFIC. Give them facts they can check. If the information is not verifiable, it won't do them any good. If a customer has a valid complaint, note their name and a contact number in your letter. If the company is losing business, then they will act on verifiable, factual information.

Also, try to go for an unemotional rational tone in your letter. Specify actions & events, ignore feelings (unless you are noting what a client actually told you about how THEY feel). The more unemotional your letter, the less possibility that HR will view it as "revenge" or something to do with PMS. Slimey bosses are EXPERTS at making the accuser out to be the criminal.

Last, EDIT CAREFULLY. Write the letter. Read through it and edit for content. Take out anything that is not absolutely necessary to make your point in a completely non-emotional way. Read through it AGAIN. Edit for spelling and punctuation. Hand it off to someone you trust and have THEM read it and make notations for both of the above.

If you are going to write a letter - write a clear, concise, accurate one.

Good luck.

LouLou,

I would agree with what everyone is saying especially having your meds adjusted (I hope you are on anti depression medication) in order to deal with these situations. I would also mention that since you were banded on Aug. 1st some of the depression might be related to the anesthesia you had from the surgery. I know at 4 weeks I was having a hard time and I've heard it mentioned before that alot of people kinda have a depression come over them about a month after surgery.

Chris

But I dont want to be a failure again. If I quit and leave this job I will feel as though I have 'screwed up' again, but I dont know if my mental health can take much more of this.

LoopyLou, what's the failure in quitting a crappy job that does nothing but give you unneeded and unnecessary stress, pressure, aggravation, and general BS? Quitting THAT is failing?! Hello!!! Screw documentation, HR, playing games, beating the boss, covering your butt, headaches, torment, ugly and rude co-workers. The writing is on the wall. It's spelled G-E-T-O-U-T.

Do something better. This is my advice to you because you say you don't have to work right now, you just like to earn your own money and have a sense of accomplishment, along with other things, I'm sure. So unless you just get off on being miserable, it really is an easy fix. ((((hugs))))

Thankyou so much Everyone!!! I am going to give it one more try. I will write the letter (I have been keeping a diary) and my hubby will help (he's an HR manager himself - and totally pissed about whats happening to me) and follow your advice about keeping it factual. But I have also decided that if I cannot cope, I will get out - its just not worth it. I dont know what to do about my meds though - I am already taking double the recommended dose, but I suppose I should see if I can get an appointment to discuss it with my doctor. I am seeing a pychologist and she has been really helpful. Anyway thanks again for letting me vent and being here for me, I adore you guys.

If you quite you are not necessarily giving up your career long term.

But you could give yourself the time to focus purely on you and the journey you have to undertake. I'm seriously thinking of deferring a year of my studies next year for precisely that reason - all the running round and focusing on anyone and anything but me has led me to gain an awful lot of weight in the last year or two.

You could have time for the gym four or five times a week, time to walk daily, time to plan and shop for healthy meals - all things I know I find extraordinarily hard now - and you could focus on becoming physically more healthy and hopefully mentally much stronger over the next 12 months.

I agree with the action part. Please write your letter, sleep on it, then re-read it making sure you have kept all emotion out of it, and gotten all the facts in it. List customer complaints as your reason for writing, and then list those customers and the facts regarding their complaints.

Your environment is very stressful for you, and if you are taking double your dose of medication now, (I hope your Doc is aware) maybe a different med is in order. My own mother has been taking antidepressors and tried several before the new cymbalta was prescribed, it's got her smiling and back to her old self.

You are doing this not only for yourself but those folks who have entrusted you and those weinies you work with to provide a needed service. Your customers will certainly appreciate a better running place of business as much as you will.

Good Luck to you, you ARE doing the right thing. Whether you end up moving on or not, at least you took action.

Sorry I didn't have time to read through everyone elses' posts here - I just read yours. A possible suggestion - do you have to do the job that your doing? You said your hubby makes enough money so if money is no objective - why not find a different "career" - or take up a hobby where you can make money - take for example - I am a 911 communications specialist - my life is completely wrapped up in the fire dept. it is a very stressful career choice - used to be a full time emt/firefighter before going into dispatch. I wanted to do something else with my time so I felt like there was a part of me outside of the fire dept. So I have always been interested in cake decorating - so one day I said I'm going to do it! I signed up for cake decorating classes and off I went. I don't do it as much as I'd like to since I do have to work full time for financial reasons - but at least it brings me joy when I do get to do it and I feel productive selling my cakes. I'm just trying to shed some light that there are other career choices even if you don't have degrees for them etc. If money isn't an option - why not try something you've always wanted to and you can still find ways to make some side money from it? Just a thought.

Well today I had my first panic attack. I was sitting on the edge of the bed and trying to get myself up to go to work - all of a sudden I got all hot and had trouble breathing and I could feel my heart beating too fast. But somehow I managed to get into work only to burst into tears 2 hrs later. 'Idiot features' is on leave atm thank the goddess, so I didn't have to face him. The girls were really nice about it and sent me home. I have realised that I cannot work full-time and must cut my hours immediately. I was only supposed to be working 20-25hrs anyway, so I'll be horse-whipped before I lose my mental health covering for my loser boss. So I am going to reduce my hours from today and quit before I will go back to full time. And if you could have a word with whichever diety you relate to and ask them to give me strength and peace that would be wonderful because I really want to keep my job and stay sane doing it. Thanks so much for your kind words guys - I so appreciate your support.

Oh, honey I am soooo sorry that this happened to you. Working in a job that is stressful is hard, but having to do that and struggle with your band is even harder. (((((hugs))))) Just stay positive and know that your band is waiting for you to be well and get that first fill. If you want to talk feel free to PM me, I am a good shoulder to cry on. And I have been in the I hate my job situation very recently. Positive energy coming your way. ~Mandy

Loulou,

I live in Perth, WA and I think "Idiot Features" was my boss when I worked fulltime before I had children. Please don't let this creature ruin your life!!!

Please take care and put your own health first. You are the most important person!

Helen.