Okay... so I have this story to tell.....

I get a call tonight from a friend (we will call her "Jane") in absolute TEARS and huffing and puffing and groaning. After I get Jane somewhat calmed, she tells me she is divorcing her husband (we will call him "John") because he had an affair.

I WAS FLOORED!! They had a MAGNIFICENT relationship and he was very loving and attentive to her. John seemed to truly love Jane without reservations.

Here is what happened:

At first John was not supportive of Jane having gastric bypass (she had it before she and I knew about the band option). Anyways, Jane had gastric bypass about 2 years ago. When Jane had the surgery she was 387 and 5'7" tall. She was a bit big and I was one of her only friends that have stayed friends with her through the entire thing. I knew how badly Jane wanted this for herself. We talked about all kinds of things and she felt that this could make her marriage stronger by being healthy, living longer, and a better sex life. Anyways.... John became a somewhat supporter but did not really ever get into it. He didn't say no, but he didn't really oppose it in front of her.

Jane had the surgery and is today about 195 lbs. She looks AWESOME!!!

Jane found her husband sleeping with another woman. She MET the woman!! (longer story, but she actually came to her house to ask Jane to leave John) As it turns out, John is no longer sexually and physically attracted to Jane. She is no longer large enough he says!!! He said he wanted to tell her that he was a "chubby chaser" but was embarrassed. He said he was no longer happy in the marriage intimately and wanted to seperate. He said that he preferred her sexually as a large woman and now that she is forced to be smaller, he is no longer attracted to her.

She asked about their current sex life. He said that he did have feeling for her and wanted her to be happy, but that he would "imagine" her as she used to be.... big.

When he had been confronted about the affair, he went into the office and got a letter he had written to her trying to explain his feelings. He said he was planning on telling her this weekend. (labor day weekend, when they were at his parents house for a mini vacation for 4 days!!!) Not the best timing in my book, but he is a man remember. His mother and her get along very well as her mother died 5 years ago from heart disease. So he thought it would be the best place to tell her so she had someone "like a mother" to support her. He had already bought a return ticket, returning 2 days before her.

She was puzzled because he used to hoot and holler with his friends during football games at the cheerleaders and the sexy commercials. So she asks him... he says, "well that is what they expected from me, so I gave it to them. I didn't want them to think I was wierd but I really find it disgusting to be with a 'thinnie'." He told Jane that he did not want to lose their friendship. He told her that he did still love her and wanted to remain friends. He said (and has been) giving her free reign on anything she wants in the divorce so far. They have a 19 year old daughter and had been married for 23 years. He says she is his best friend and does not want that to change but does not want to be romantically involved with her. It has been 2 weeks now. He is not dating the girl he cheated with but is dating another girl.... a BIG girl. He is remaining true to his word in wanting to be friends. He is not fighting about anything.

Now, some background on John.... He is successful, intelligent, somewhat good looking for an older guy (once you really get to know him), a great personality to talk to, 5'9" tall and about 190 lbs with a medium build. Not skinny, not big, just a guy.

Jane is a mess but coping. She says that John has NEVER lied to her before. I believe that because he didn't strike me as the "sneaky" type. But, she had NO clue about the affair. It wasn't the ONLY reason, but one of the major reasons Jane did the bypass was to be more attractive for her husband. She called me because he had brought over the divorce papers (and gave her just about everything). She says he has been very sweet and seemed concerned about her, but is distant for anything intimate. (and she admits to trying)

This is obviously the shortened version.... the whole saga actually went on for hours on the phone.

SO MY QUESTION TO YOU IS:

Do you believe John??? Or is he just an asshole?

Irony certainly is a bitch huh???

Wow. I am surprised by all of this.

Jane will eventually walk away completely from John. She should. He continues to show his selfishness. Its quite sad.

It makes me crazy that men center the relationship around sex so much. My father did this with my mother. His deal with her was that she was getting older. Thing is, she is in her 50's and literally looks like she is in her 30's. But he still left her for a 30 year old trvel agent. He also gave her everything in the divorce. And wanted to remain friends. But when she stepped back from the relationship she was able to see how much of a deceiver he was. How controlling he was. And how he needed someone younger so that he could be dominant over them. He left the travel agent when she turned 40. He is now dating a 28 year old. Just like "john".

Jane is doing great, and honestly, is better off with all of this. Glad to hear she is doing so well in her weight loss, and that is great that she has found someone that she can relate to with the WLS experiences. And there is SOOO much to be said for casual dating!! LOL She needs to go out there and enjoy her new found bod with men who are going to love her new figure!!! Go Jane!!!