I am really considering this as I am miserable. My husband just thinks it's a will power issue and if I only eat good veggies/ fruit ect and walk more that I can just lose the weight on my own.

Well the last 4 diets have proved that I haven't been able too.....

Has anyone else encountered this with their spouse and how did you get past it. I know I can't do this without him on board. I really want and need his support.

Thanks!

Misty

Hi Misty, I am so sorry that your husband is not on board with the surgery. All you can really do is give him all the information you can about the surgery and hope that it opens his mind a little bit. Explain that you really need his support. If he loves you than he will support you regardless of his feelings. Maybe take him to a seminar on the surgery and surely that will open his eyes a bit. My husband was pretty clueless also, but once he got more information, he was completely supportive, and he loves the results. good luck to you....I hope your husband comes around soon....

Thanks... I think part of it is he's scared of the surgery and any side effects. And the unknown part. I know he loves me and ultimately is supportive --I have an appt scheduled to see a surgeon, I'm just praying he will come along. It's after work hours so I"m hopeful.

But right now he is not happy and doesn't want to talk about it.

All the more reason to take the suggestion to take him to a seminar. It would be educational for him, it wouldn't be just you providing the information, and he could ask questions, too. And, hopefully, it would help to allay his concern. Yeah, it's surgery and that's never to be undertaken lightly, but with the information presently professionally he (hopefully) will begin to see your position AND your feelings on the subject.

I think you HAVE to talk to him about it. Once he can articulate why he's against it, you can address it. Mine worked in a GI lab for years and figured I'd have issues like bypass patients do. He was adamantly against it. However he's an open-minded guy and knows I have a good brain too, so agreed to go to the seminar with me. My surgeon was wonderful for the seminar and afterward spent about 30 minutes talking to my husband (who is an RN) about all his concerns. We left there with my husband as enthused as I was!

Until you know why your husband is against it, you're in the dark. If it's a willpower issue there are stats (and your past attempts) to back you up; fact is only about 5% of people lose weight AND KEEP IT OFF (that's the kicker) with diet and exercise alone. Ask him if you needed a heart pacemaker would he think you were just not showing willpower? NO! He'd want you to get help. Well, this is like that.

If he's afraid you'll get thin and leave him, tell him maybe! J/K

You need to find out why, address it as best you can, and go from there.

I absolutely agree with the advice given you above, especially that from Restless Monkey (she is a true font of wisdom. Listen to her!).

To add to that, the fact is, this is about and FOR you. You have to do what you feel is best, even if right now he's not "on board" with you. When you dieted in the past, you didn't diet for him, did you? Or did you do it for yourself, to make yourself healthier, look better, feel better?

The surgery is the same thing. Though it would be great if 1000 percent of the time our spouses were completely on board, sometimes they just aren't -- sometimes for a while, sometimes forever. I agree with RM that you need to get him to express how he feels and why. However, if this is something you have chosen to do, something you think is for you, I would strongly recommend that you stick to that and do what you need to do for yourself.

Just as you probably wouldn't let him talk you out of a bypass if you needed one, we shouldn't be talked out of -- OR INTO -- a surgery like this.

For me personally, I didn't tell anybody, including my husband, about the surgery until after I had gone to the seminar, met with my doctor, and started getting the work-up done for surgery. The reason being was this is MY body, MY life, and MY decision. I didn't want anybody from the outside putting in their two cents, good OR bad. I wanted to come to this decision myself.

Luckily he supported me in my decision, though it is still sometimes hard for me where the food is concerned (had a fill the other day and was on liquids, and he ordered a pizza, ugh). You have to determine for yourself how badly you need him to be 100 percent on your side in this decision. Only you can determine that. Good luck!

My husband did not really understand either, but I took him to a seminar last night (i am scheduled for surgery on the 28th) and he finally understood, my surgeon did a really good job of explaining obesity and its causes and that although you can diet from now to the cows come home 95% who lose weight through dieting and exercise alone gain it back and then some within a couple years

Good luck and keep working on it. Debbie

I absolutely agree with the advice given you above, especially that from Restless Monkey (she is a true font of wisdom. Listen to her!).

Ok you got me! That ALMOST made me spit my Water on my keyboard! :thumbup:

I'm a font of something, anyway! :w00t:

Thanks for the advise. It is appreciated! I will let you know how is goes. now my consulatation appt seems like forever at 2 weeks away.

Misty

Ok you got me! That ALMOST made me spit my Water on my keyboard! :w00t:

I'm a font of something, anyway! :tt2:

I don't catch a ton of your posts, but have thoroughly enjoyed and agreed with every one I have caught. And if I agree, then you must be right. :thumbup:

Thanks for the advise. It is appreciated! I will let you know how is goes. now my consulatation appt seems like forever at 2 weeks away.

Misty

I know, but it'll all happen before you know it.

misty

I am married to a wonderful guy who is always supportive of everything I do and he sees this as totally unnecessary. He has expressed that I can do this by myself if I just exercise will power. I finally told him that while I understand his concerns that I am going to do this (June 26) with or without his support; I would like his support but I can do it without him. Ultimately it is up to me to succeed. Just like it is up to you. And I know you will be successful.

UPDATE: We did speak and I still won't say he is totally on board, but he is being supportive. He is like "I really think if you put your mind to it you could do it (lose all the weight) by yourself. But if this is really what you want and think this will work, then I support you."

Again, it's not that I can't do this alone and most likely would find a way...but it will be easier with his support and with the kids... So he is coming around and doing some of his own research. Which I am so proud of. Thanks for listening and for the advice.

I wonder if there is anyone out there that did this and then HATED that they did it????

Have a good weekend,

Misty

Hi I am also starting to go through the approval process and my hubby has not been as suportive. Ok not supportive at all I got him to go to the seminar with me and he still is not fully on board. He has told me that he likes me the way I am. But I don't like me the way I am.

I have gained and lost weight over the years. I have 3 children that I have to be healthy for. But most of all I have to do this for myself. I know a little selfish but It needs to be done.

My husband made me cry the other day he told me "so your just giving up on our marriage"? He went over the whole statistics how relationships change after WLS. That seriously upset me. It so hurt my feelings that he would be selfish and not think about me or my health. Now we have been married for 10 years so not sure if maybe he's just being a little dramatic or sadistic anywho thats my story thought I would share.

I can relate to EVERYTHING you guys are saying!!!! AHHHHHH!!! So frustrating!!! But the way I *finally* got my husband to understand (and even now, it's minimally!) was making the association to our teenager: I said that the WLS was much like getting a tutor for me just like we got a math tutor for our son when we saw him struggling. My husband has seen me struggle with my weight over the last 20 years, through 3 kids...etc. And has seen me at my healthiest, and at my heaviest... So it's less of a "I like you just the way you are." and more of a "Isn't this just giving-up? Isn't this taking the 'easy way' out???" But again, he is minimally on board and knows that my mind is set. So he's either with me or against me. I guess he'd rather be in the winner's circle! :grouphug: (3 more weeks for me until I get my tutor!!!)

I have been considering this for the last 3 years and my wife and family were against it saying the same things that your husband has said. I recently went and talked to the Doctor for me and no one else. I decided that this is best for me and even though I was given stiff opposition at first, I am getting the surgery for me if I pass the stress test next week. My wife and family i.e. children, siblings and parent are not giving me anymore crap about it. There just comes a time when you and only you must make the decision. Good luck

Edited May 16, 200917 yr by tgrar
misspelled words