:smile2:I HAVE BEEN A BIG GIRL EVERYSINCE I WAS 10. SO BEING BIG WAS NEVER A PROBLEM OR SADDNESS FOR ME. I DID EVERYTHING A SKINNY PERSON WOULD DO AND YOU COULDNT TELL ME THAT I WASNT SEXY. NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN BANDED SINCE APRIL07. I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY FEELING POSITIVE AND SEXY IN MY NEW SKIN. I HAVE LOST OVER 50LBS AND SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS THE SIZE I WAS USED TO.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE BEFORE YOU FELT COMFORTABLE IN YOUR NEW SKIN?:mad2:

Edited May 12, 200917 yr by hotlips40215

Every ounce that I lose I feel more and more comfortable. I wish it were that way for you. Have you talked to your doctor or a therapist about this? If not, I think it would do you a world of good. I can't really help you with this as I was thin when I was younger. At age 24, just before getting pregnant with my first child, I weighed 115 lbs. Losing this weight is familiar to me, and it's like coming home to the real me. Do you mind my asking..... If you were comfortable with the way you were, why did you have WLS? I did it because I was miserable. Physically and psychologically. Did someone bully you into it? PLEASE talk to someone about this. Your self image is so important. You should be moving forward at this point, not going in reverse. I really hope you can work this out.

There is a period of adjustment with this journey. When I became heavy AGAIN I was younger and fat tends to fill up the wrinkles. As I lost weight I saw more and more of them. I had to come to terms with it. It was hard. But then I discovered as I now am getting close to my 1 year at goal anniversary that a lot of those wrinkles and some of the saggy skin isn't as bad. People are getting where they are comfortable enough to tell me how bad I looked at first and how much better I look now. Maybe that isn't said right and scares you but it's not meant that way. I became obese in my thirties and regained my life at 55.

Soon after I lost the weight I thought about plastic surgery to "fix" everything. I'm glad I waited it out because in MY case it would have been for ego for I was blessed with not having a really huge problems. I decided one day that I was ok with everything and that the pain and expense of that ego trip weren't worth it.

The thing that trumps all of it is I can move, breathe, and feel so good it's hard to explain. You're going to have to make your own decisions on this, however, being obese will give you a shortened life. I truly love my life now and I wouldn't go back for all the wrinkles and saggy skin in the world.

Good luck.

Honestly I am a firm believer in therapy. You are a

"new" person. You may need to grieve the loss of the "old" you (it's not that uncommon) and find things to love about the new you. A good therapist can help you navigate those murky waters.

I too am happier and feel better and more like "me" with each pound I drop, but I can understand how you feel very different now and aren't familiar with "yourself".

Get some help if you can; what a great problem to have!

Many people who have this issue face it because of something sad like losing a limb or suffering burns and scars etc; but the essence is the same. You aren't who you were and the new you isn't a familiar long-lost friend but a foreigner. Therapy will help you love the new you.

Its a long process.

I have never "hated" myself even though objectively I could see I was not particularly attractive at a high weight, I was able to also appreciate I wasnt the grossest thing that ever walked the planet either.

Everyone has some things about them that are beautiful, and as Iv'e lost I've been able to identify those. I'm welll proportioned, long and lean and I have really nice shoulders, arms, neck, my upper body is very nicely shaped. OK, so my backside needs help.

I went through a long long stage of focussing on the remaining imperfections - had I had any money, I think I would have spent a hundred thousand on plastic surgery. I want my boobs done, they've suffered. But I was thinking, well, what's the point if I dont also do x, y and z. I was definitely looking at PS as a way of keeping the Quest going now I am no longer overweight. Its really hard to know what to replace years of obsessive and desperate dieting with! And much as I am supportive of PS, there are definitely people who are doing just that - giving themselves a focus with a never ending quest for perfection.

Thankfully I dont have the money for that kind of PS so I've had to work through it and I've come out the other side. It was really compounded yesterday, in a tabloid mag here I saw Julia Roberts on the Beach. REAL WOMAN screamed the headlines. And you know, she was. She's had no PS, her tummy looked like she has had a couple of babies, a bit of loose skin, she's defintely 40ish. And she looked absolutely beautiful. Just like a normal woman, and I thought, wow, that's me. I have the basic outline, just the edges are blurred a little, lol. I'm really OK with that. I can dress up and look great now, so I dont outshine every woman on the beach in a bikini - why do I need to?

But its taken me 18 months at goal to come to this level of comfort with myself. And I've narrowed it down to 2 things that I'd fix with PS - boobs (coz why NOT have a nice pair?) and just a touch of lipo to the saddlebags - I have definite obvious pockets of fat on the outer thighs.

That's a lot healthier and more realistic than what I was thinking 18 months ago.

But its still hard to come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to see ever lowering numbers on that scale anymore. It makes me feel a bit panicky, like I have no control if I dont keep "dieting". I have to remind myself that healthy eating and exercise are a goal for maintenance too.

I under stand what you are saying. I never had any periods of being normal weight, gained alot, lost & regained. Just consistently been "obese" ALL my life so have nothing to personally compare it to. I have not been my current weight since age 14 & I am now 40. At my highest weight I was 368 pounds, lost some on my own before band, on surgery day (1/07) was 300.5 & today I am around 225. So have lost like 140 pounds from my all time highest. Still getting used to the "new" me. I would love to have some plastic surgery for my breasts, arms & stomach but I know that it is not financially possible for me so I just have to deal with it. I was never ugly & always dressed well and fashionable but just looking in the mirror and feeling sexy is a problem at times with the sagginess that I see. And sometimes i still see the old me in mirror. During those times i go upstairs and try on some of the old clothes that I kept as reminders. But I try to stay positive because my blood pressure is good, blood sugar is normal, my knees & back feel better. That means more to me. But if I were to ever hit the lottery...

Ok girls, time for some straight talk. Until you are ready for plastic surgery or in lieu of plastic surgery, go to someplace like Fredrick's of Hollywood and find some of those sexy supportive teddies that are missing certain areas. If your legs are too saggy try some sexy nylons with a garter type of thing. Get inventive here. Candles and the proper dress can make the mood.

Oh, and if your significant other doesn't understand, shop for a new one of them while you're out.

i have also been big since a young age. now that i have lost over 100 pounds i still see myself as that 419 pound guy. i know im wearing smaller clothes and poeple tell me all the time that i look much better then before. but i still see that big guy when i look in the mirror.

i have family member i havent seen in about 6 months until last sunday. and when he seen me he wa like jason is that you? and it made me feel good, but i still feel like that big guy that i have been for so long.

Oh, and if your significant other doesn't understand, shop for a new one of them while you're out.

Vicki-

You've got it right there-in both your posts. Simply hysterical!!! :thumbup: Luckily I have a great man who has loved me through thick and thin(literally)

This is a great thread! Everyone deals with their new selves the best they can! I have lost 100 lbs before only to turn around and gain it back plus so I am happy being my thin self again. With the band, I know that I will be able to maintain my lose. Fundamentally and maybe this has come with age and a bit of therapy, I know that I am the same person at any weight! I have learned to be comfortable in my skin no matter what the scale says. Being healthy, looking great and shopping for a size 8 is just such a plus!!!

I have to say that this thread hit a cord with me! I am someone who has been huge since childhood (105 lb in 5th grade!) and don't have any idea how it feels to be thin. I'm so excited to get there, but this is uncharted territory for me !! I'm hoping the therapist I'm seeing for this journey will have ideas to avoid self-sabotage. I've done great so far and I'm so hopeful :scared2: !!