So I was banded almost six months ago, I feel good, lost 30 something pounds already but I feel like now I wont be able to ever get close to anyone again with out having to tell them. I started dating a new guy and he felt my port one day and said what the hell is that. I'm definitley not telling him, but eventually he's gonna see the scars. I feel so uncomfortable now, and it seems like I got rid of one problem and gained a whole new one. I'm so self conscious now about my scars.... what do I say? Make up some random surgery? In no way can I tell him, this isn't something I planned on telling anyone exept for my close family members.

Hello there, male passing thru . . .

First of all, any guy of any quality at all . . . any guy that you should be bothering with in the first place . . . isn't going to care about your scars or your port. People have health issues, they have surgeries, they leave scars. Happens all the time. My girlfriend has multiple scars on her breasts from repeated lumpectomies (all negative, thank God). They, and she, are still as beautiful to me as ever.

But the other thing is, if you are serious about this guy, you owe the honesty that two people in a relationship need to have with each other. If you stay together you're going to have to come clean at some point. Why not do it now and see what happens? You did what you had to do to improve your life, and it left some scars. If he can't deal with it, well, men are like the bus . . . one comes along every five minutes. Dump him and move on. His loss!

Edited May 12, 200917 yr by marko

Brittlover,

Hi, there! I feel what you mean completely. I am in a 2 year relationship, and have not come clean. I actually had gallbladder surgery after my lapband, so I have a couple of more scars than you I am sure. I did mention the gallbladder surgery to my boyfreind, but I would not know how to mention the lapband, he met me 1 yr and 1/2 after it and by that time I had already lost most of my weight. I am pretty lucky that my port is not as noticible, but the scars are horrible. I have reached my goal weight and its time for my tummy tuck, so the scars and my saggy skin is just so awful. He on the other hand says that I am beautiful as is and does not support the tummy tuck issue. I guess what I am trying to ramble about is that, the right guy will not mind the scars,,,, and you are not alone in your insecurities.

I think marko was right on point with his post. I have many extremely large scars (one of them 10 inches going across the side of my stomach) from surgeries as a child and while I have always been self conscious of them, the men in my life that have really cared about me have never had a problem with it - I'm the one with a problem.

My plan for dating in the future is not saying too much about the lapband during the early stages but if I feel there is potential for this to become a serious, intimate relationship then I will tell that person.

I am straight out honest, I am down 95 pounds, so I tell them, either they still want to be with you or not. Better to know up front.

Yea if they have a problem with it, then they are not worth your time.

i don't have any surgery scars yet but from the work that i'm sure each of you have put into this process, i don't feel as if it's anything to be ashamed of.

and i have to agree with unforgettable and a few others comments, if they bear issue with it, they are certainly not individuals worth having in your life. i am covered in scars from a rough and abusive childhood but i wear them all as a badge of honer so to say, so i feel as if the same principal should apply.

just my two cents :cool2: