Today I experienced something I have never experienced before. I met, for the first time, a new co-worker who I will be travelling with and training with next week. And he took an instant dislike to me and I dont get it!! I usually find it really easy to make friends and I have never had this reaction from anyone before. He was making snide comments about weight to another co-worker and would barely make eye contact with me, never mind actually saying anything to me. I could feel the contempt coming of him in waves. He was a young fashionable thing and I dont know what to do. I am going to have to work with this person and he wont give me the time of day. Any advice on this would be most welcome, I am at a complete loss as to what to do; no one's ever failed to fall for my charm before

yep, pure bluntness. Just ask him.

Come right out and ask him if your weight bothers him make him accountable, mention you overheard him talking about weight and ask him if he was referring to you . Best to be straight up front from the get go..tell him you felt a little awkwardness coming from him the moment the two of you met and you wanted to get things out in the open now before you begin your close working relationship. This is what I would do..no sugarcoating it one bit! Shoot from the hip!

La Madam is absolutely on the mark!

this is horrible!!!!

My two cents:

I would be super professional and not offering any emotional energy to this creep in trying to be his friend. I would try this stance at work: work is for being productive and successful and if a friendship or two happens it's a beautiful thing.

Gals out size or any other are no force to be reconened with.

The cream always rises to the top.

Good luck, I'll be thinking of you

Debby

You know, the other day I had a meeting (at work) with a few people and one of them was this guy who would walk right by my desk (my office now) and not even acknowledge me. This was going on for over 7 years.

Well while waiting in the conference room by myself for all these people to show for the meeting, who walks in but this asswipe. He sits down and now its just the two of us. At first I didn't want to look at him but its all that I could do. I staired him down into his chair. He was like oh hi, how are you, I'm sorry I dont know your name. YEAH RIGH!!!

So I looked at him with this serious look (which is NOT like me) and I said to him "you mean to tell me after 7 years you still don't know who I am, come on."

He didn't know what to say, he stumbled on his words like you wouldn't believe. He was like ohhh I'm sorry, its not you its me, I have a hard time with names. So I said well it would have been nice if you even stopped to acknowledge me, especially when your coming to MY office. He babbled and tried to weezle his way out, but he knew I wasn't buying it.

Can't wait to see how he reacts next time I see him.

Some times you just have to call their dumb ass bluffs, ya know.

Come right out and ask him if your weight bothers him make him accountable, mention you overheard him talking about weight and ask him if he was referring to you . Best to be straight up front from the get go..tell him you felt a little awkwardness coming from him the moment the two of you met and you wanted to get things out in the open now before you begin your close working relationship. This is what I would do..no sugarcoating it one bit! Shoot from the hip!

This is what I was going to say & Lamadam worded it perfectly. Remember you can be kind & professional when you do this. Just make sure in the end that you tell him your here as a team & most people find you very enjoyable to work with & you hope together you can put your differences aside & come out w/a winning plan.

If all else fails- Tell him you didn't want this to effect your ability to work with him but you have a sever problem with skinny-wet behind the ear metro sexuals- BUT you'll do your best to have him not bother your focus:0)

I was honestly thinking the same thing as LaMadam too. If it was a woman whom you were working with and she was doing this, I'd say kill her with kindness, but since it's a man and they relate differently than we women do, I'd cut straight to the chase with him.

Very bluntly, but nicely, tell him that you overheard him make some weight comments and you were wondering if there was going to be a problem with the 2 of you working together. And when you say it, I'd be saying it with no emotion, and don't let him know that it got to you. Keep a straight face, and keep it purely business, like someone else suggested.

Men can usually be cut straight to the chase with, and you can usually be a lot more blunt with them than women. They deal purely on a factual basis, and don't deal well with emotion.

I'd venture to guess that by asking that one question and cutting right to the chase with him, you'll get the issue resolved.

Maybe he'll appreciate your bluntness, it'll catch him off guard, and you'll become fast friends. OR - If he's truly the dirtbag that we all suspect him to be, you can go to your higher ups and let them know that he has a problem working with you and to hopefully get it resolved.

Either way......the direct approach usually works best with men. They are the type that can "hit each other below the belt" and still walk away best friends despite it.

I also vote w/ La Madam on this one, but:

<"tough titty said the kitty but the milk's still good">

is hard to beat! I'm definitely gonna remember that one! (What a crack up!)

This isn't about weight, but I had a problem w/ a co-worker I'll share. When I first started working in my office the office manager HATED me. I mean HATED. I came in as more than an equal and she saw me as encrouching on her territory. I won't go into all the stuff she pulled to make my life as difficult as possible, but there was lots and I was determined not to let her get the better of me. I try to be thoughtful, but I'm the kind of person who just DOES what needs to be done and sometimes that's steps on the toes of the proper channels. At that time I was studying about personality-types. (There's a book with a stupid title [Please Understand Me] that explains the types and what is important to them.)

Soon as I understood her "type" and how it bumped heads with my type I edited my behavior to get a better response from her. There were many times I had to remind myself that my goal was to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish and any strategies that required were worth it. Well guess what, it's been 4 years now and this woman and I have become great work friends. After I gave her what she needed emotionally she got out of my way and became a great help to me. We found we're both readers & gardeners and started referring books and plants to each other. I'm still cautious because I know she has a rabbit-in-the-pot side, but for the most part we enjoy each other immensely.

Thanks guys, as usual you have proved a wellspring of positive and funny ideas (funny 'Haha' not funny 'weird' ). I am pleased to let you know that things have improved between my co-worker and me. It turns out that whereas I thought he was about 23-4 he is actually only 17!! And he now understands that comments about weight are not acceptable to me and I understand that he is an insecure teenager trying to fit in. He is quite immature and I did have to distance myself from him at training, because after all the initial coldness, when I was the only one in the room he knew, he clung to me for dear life!!! I now find I have the opposite problem of how to keep him away from me - how to set boundries. He wanted to visit with me in my hotel room and spoke openly about many inappropriate topics - to me and to the trainers/bosses. It was a difficult week but I feel like I am better equipt to deal with him now and will practise setting boundaries with him. We have our first working day tomorrow and I am a little apprehensive, but more comfortable than I was last week. Thanks again for all your support

What a twist huh ROFLMFAO !!!

Good luck babysitting

Oh my Lord have mercy! What a strange twist of events! Good luck to you!

Oh too funny! Sorry but it is cracking me up!

Hi I am new. My name is Dani, and I am new here. My surgery date is this coming Monday on the 12th. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have never been able to stand this, so early on I came up with a plan and it works every time for me.

This is what I do: I behave as if I don't even notice that the person has a problem with me. I smile big , of course you will have to wait until you get eye contact! And then I just act like the person is one of my favorite people. I have won over a lot of people this way. I don't think they expect this response and they eventually just start accepting me.

Good luck

Dani