My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married 5 of those 11. When we began dating I was very healthy and active. In the past 11 years I have had 7 surgeries and a few illnesses that have taken their toll on me and needless to say my husband. I am having revision surgery tomorrow due to a slipped band and my husband is being a jerk. He's been this way for about the last 4 surgeries. I was hospitalized twice for kidney stones in the last six months and he didn't come to the hospital one time and the other he came and didn't even give me a kiss, no support nothing. He is usually supportive, but doesn't seem to have it in him anymore when I am sick. I have discussed it with him and he just says it gets hard after a while and he's just worn down. Which really worries me because what else is he tired of? I know I'm probably reading too much into it, but it really hurts me that he can't find enough love to support me. He has maintained his active and healthy lifestyle in spite of my health. But I try my best to keep up with him but I know I must slow him down some.

Has anyone else experienced this? Have any advice?

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married 5 of those 11. When we began dating I was very healthy and active. In the past 11 years I have had 7 surgeries and a few illnesses that have taken their toll on me and needless to say my husband. I am having revision surgery tomorrow due to a slipped band and my husband is being a jerk. He's been this way for about the last 4 surgeries. I was hospitalized twice for kidney stones in the last six months and he didn't come to the hospital one time and the other he came and didn't even give me a kiss, no support nothing. He is usually supportive, but doesn't seem to have it in him anymore when I am sick. I have discussed it with him and he just says it gets hard after a while and he's just worn down. Which really worries me because what else is he tired of? I know I'm probably reading too much into it, but it really hurts me that he can't find enough love to support me. He has maintained his active and healthy lifestyle in spite of my health. But I try my best to keep up with him but I know I must slow him down some.

Has anyone else experienced this? Have any advice?[/quo

Just my opion. Doesn't it say in marriage vows for better or worse and sickness in health.

I'm a male and i don't think he is acting like a husband should act. You may have just seen the surface of the real problem. Hope everything goes well for you. You came to the right place for support. To bad you can't get it at home!

I am so sorry you are going thru this. In my opinion he should support you no matter how many times you've been sick. To me it doesn't sound you're reading too much into this, it sounds like the opposite to me. Focus on you and your health, don't try to fix yourself for him so you aren't slowing him down. He should be concerned with you and your recovery not with what you can't do. I am sorry if I have offended, just trying to help.

What goes around comes around.....Law of Karma. At some point in his life, this healthy person will eventually know what it's like to be knocked down a few pegs. The wind will empty out of his sails and he will finally realize what you've been through. I just hope it's not to late. This is not the sign of a healthy relationship. I too think there are other problems. When you're older, what happens when you're REALLY sick, and need his assistance and actual care? If he's not willing to tow the rope, that would then be neglect. I recommend calling a marriage counselor and get to the root of the problem. I'm sorry you're not getting the care and compassion you deserve. Hang in there and become pro-active with this.

Thank you to all that replied. It's always nice to get another persons opinion. I had my surgery yesterday and it didn't go very well. I had another hernia and slipped band. They were not able to put the band back on. The doc said that I will never be able to have one again. But in about 2 months, once my stomach has healed, we will discuss other options. But in the mean time I am absolutely devestated about losing my band. I cannot gain all the weight back, I am so scared. My husbands response was "Oh well, now you have to lose weight the hard way". Made me feel real good, not.

Having the band removed has really got me down. Oh well. What to do now.

Thanks

Amy

hi amy

sorry you are going tru soo much with your health and as if that was not enough not having the support you need and deserve from your husband its so hard but all this is just gona make you a stronger person dont worry too much about not having the band its ok you can still manage your weight to keep it off and even continue to loose,its all about watching your portions and exercise remember the band is not a miracle it takes alot of will power to get this weight off..for those who think that this is a easy way out: they are out of there mind::::::stay strong you can do this!!!!!! lol MARIAH

This is a guy speaking...

The HELL with him!!!

What a jerk!

This is a guy speaking...

The HELL with him!!!

What a jerk!

im glad you said it!!!! DARE301

I'm so sorry you're going through all this . Any loving husband would react completely different. I mean, these are real issues, you're not just whining. He'd probably benefit from a few kidney stones himself

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm still upset with my husband's comment, but I haven't said anything to him about it yet. I will when the time is right. Other than his infamous comment he has been better with helping me since I came home from the hospital yesterday.

I feel like I'm mourning the loss of my band! It's the strangest feeling. I am really upset about it and do not know how to handle it. I'm trying to keep the same mindset with eating that I had with the band. I figure I have developed new habits with the band and maybe if I keep them I'll be able to keep the weight off. As long as I don't gain any weight I'll be ok. If I start gaining it back will be bad!! I just didn't expect for the band to be taken out. Oh well. I have already started researching the gastric sleeve. It looks like it's a pretty good alternative provided that my insurance will pay for it. I'll just have to wait and see.

Again, thank you for everyone's support. It means a lot. :crying: