Hey all, I'm relatively new here, but I had a question for people around my age. I'm 22, and I don't see my friends very often because we live all around the country. I will be having surgery in less than a month, and I know once I start losing weight, everyone is going to be curious how.

A lot of people I know from college only know me as fat, and I know that when I ultimately see them this summer at the reunions we always have, they are going to ask me a million questions.

I don't necessarily want all of my friends to know about the surgery, certainly, some of them will figure it out and the ones closest to me already know. I have some friends who are extremely opinionated, and I was wondering if anyone has had to deal with a similar situation and how they handled it?

Any suggestions/advice would be really appreciated!

wow krista. i wish i had a teacher like you when i was in the 6th grade! it probably would have made me feel a lot better knowing my teachers trusted us enough to talk about their lives openly.

i hope everything works out well for you

Lauren,

I think that it all depends on the situation. For me, I was honest with every person that I came in contact to the minute I chose to have the band. I felt that this helped with certain questions after my surgery. I was banded 5 months ago yesterday, I have lost 70 pounds and I am so excited about this new, alternative way to lose weight, every person that tells me I look good, I go nuts talking about the band. Of course your friends will have reservations. What I try to do is give them each part of information that I can. And for those that still think it is the "lazy" way out - I tend not to talk to. They usually are the skinny minis and don't understand the lifelong battle that I have had to overcome.

Thanks Cassie!

I have been honest with a lot of my friends, and I have come close to telling others - I think I just chickened out. I don't know why but I guess I'm just afraid of their reaction. I am planning on telling one of my closer friends soon, and I think at some point I will tell everyone. I just don't know if I am ready for it yet. Mostly I think I am afraid of failing and then having to explain why.

I know exactly what your going thru, I was supposed to have surgery on the 17th this month and I have a wedding to go to on the 14th and was planning on saying I had a stomach bug and things don't sit well with me at the moment so I dunno anymore but as for after I'm just going to say I don't eat alot of bread/pasta/rice afterwards which in actuallity is true - You don't eat heaps of bread Pasta or rice. Honestly it's your decision for when you want to tell people and I personally won't tell people until I feel comfortable - they can assume all they want but until I feel comfortable with everything in my life I won't be telling them.

Edit** Another thing I wanted to add - I have alot of health problems and although I realise alot of people would be supportive afterwards because they know this and they know I need to do something for future health reasons I still feel like they'll say something horrible. I've told my mum, dad and 2 sisters and my aunt and that's the only family that knows - My older sister doesn't see why she should keep it a secret even though she has - We have another family we're friends with and she said what should I say to them? And I just told her tell them I'm having a bronchoscopy or something in hospital (as my date was previously 6 days before my 21st and they'd be wondering why I couldnt eat anything) but I think when I do get surgery I might use the hernia as an excuse, like furious said - they're happy about loosing but feel horrible in the fact that people might think they've failed and that's my whole reason, I don't want people to just turn around and say "we'll why don't you just eat less and excercise more?" For some people that is a good thing but I have lung problems and even walking up stairs is hard regardless of my weight, then add on that that I am on medication that makes me gain weight and I'm looking at a transplant in 5-10 years and I know some people will be happy that I'm doing this for myself but you can't always predict someones reaction to something

Sorry this was so long, wanted to put my 2 cents in

Edited March 13, 200917 yr by Sarah.R

Hey Laura, honestly it's your decision - I won't be telling friends even though they would probably understand why I'm having it - I have alot of health problems not related to my weight and if I explained it enough they would probably understand - eventually I think I will tell them but for now I'm not - As for what to say, be honest about certain things. Just say you've started really caring about what you eat - say you've cut out breads, Pasta and rice which technically you'll have to do and as everyone knows they're high in carbs so of course cutting them out will make you loose weight - That's basically all they will really need to know, and in the future if you feel like telling them you won't feel guilty by saying something untruthful.

Edit** My bad I didn't realise I'd already wrote something lol

Edited March 30, 200917 yr by Sarah.R

I told everyone...lol. I am the only female who works in an office of younger guys, ranging from ages 18 to 24. I am 27. All of my friends know and all of my family know as well. I am glad that I was honest about it because I really need the support. Its a very personal decision so whatever you are comfortable with is the best way to go.

I've decided to tell a random assortment of people. My close circle of parents/sister/best friends have all been told and are all supportive because they know my long struggle with weight. I've told a handful of coworkers or sorority sisters or friends that have known my struggle or even who struggle with weight themselves. They've been understanding and supportive as well. I usually don't feel ashamed and actually feel buoyed by their support.

Then there's the people I haven't told... most of my colleagues don't know. Even my "work bff" doesn't know - he's hypercritical of appearance anyway and has a big mouth and honestly, I just want to see his reaction as I drop weight and keep dropping it.

I also haven't told my extended family, mostly because I've always been the black sheep in the sense that I'm the ONLY overweight cousin. Of all of my 14 cousins (including me and my sis), I am the ONLY fat one. So I want to see their reactions much like my work bff's.

I'm sure eventually I'll tell most people, I'm certainly not ashamed of it and don't care what skinny people think of my choice. This choice wasn't easy, the road ahead won't be easy, but it will all be worth it in the end. So poo on whoever won't be supportive, that just means more room on the party bus for people whom I want to be around! :w00t:

yeah I didn't tell all of my friends. I think some of them think I'm anorexic but I tell them that I'm just being better about portion sizes. hahaha

Thanks for asking this question. I am always constantly worried about what people think about me...partially because I have thought people were saying negative things and then found out they were.

I haven't been banded, but when I get it I will tell my closest friends and my direct family. I am not telling any of my in laws. I would love to tell my grandmother in law since she had the bypass, but I know that my other in laws as well as the other grandmother in law all talked horribly about her and she has no idea. I know she would blab her mouth about me too and it is none of their business. lol I know his mother will love me more when I lose the weight though and that is truly sad.

Kudos to all of you. Your so inspirational.

I don't get banded until July, but I've also been worried as being seen as "copping out" and for some reason that bugs me. My plan right now is to tell those closest to me upfront, be honest with the friends that I don't tell but are smart enough to catch onto it, and tell those half-truths to those who have no business knowing, such as coworkers etc.

The place it gets sticky for me is thinking about dating after surgery. Do I say it up front? Do I wait until dinner and they wonder why I'm eating so little? Do I just not say it at all? What have you guys done in this situation...