I had a long chat with my surgeon about honesty. I'm brutally honest with him, even though I feel like crawling under the table and pulling a hospital gown over my head. The think I admire most about my surgeon is that he doesn't hold back or take any crap (lies) when it comes to food choices. You can't get anything past him.

I was crying in his office because I felt like such a failure having gained back 8 of the 70 pounds I lost. I thought, based on his hardcore nature, that he'd be stearn with me, but instead he told me to focus on the incredible job that I've done so far and work on accepting who I am now. That made me feel really great.

I'm trying to write this without being judgmental or critical, but he pointed out that most overweight people are very dishonest because they don't come clean with him, and the numbers simply don't lie. If everyone ate like perfect bandsters, we'd all be skinny now.

My meeting was very long and emotional. Telling him all my dirty food secrets was humiliating and exhausting. He doesn't hug me or baby me, but I can honestly say that man cares about me. My point to this thread is that if you aren't 100% honest with your doctor, then no fill amount in the entire world will ever be able to help you.

I went there to discuss getting a new port. He said I could have one if I wanted, but I don't want one. I have plenty of daytime restriction. Our decision was for me to start working on loving myself for who I am, accepting that I've lost a whopping 60 pounds, and just maintaining that loss. I left his office feeling a lot of relief, so I urge you all to tell your doctors everything, regardless of how embarrassing.

Congratulations Lisa! How absoulutely freaking wonderful! I'm so proud of you for starting to figure it out! I think sometimes that those of us who were raised by wolves have a difficult time with stuff "normal" people understand. When you have crazy as your only model, well there is no way for us to be "normal." I wish I could give you a big bunch of helium ballons to celibrate your epifany.

I've been thinking about us lately, you and me, raised by wolves. I don't really know anyone else who grew up crazy. Sometimes I wonder how much permanent damage was done.

I know I tease about being raised by wolves and I know it isn't fair to real wolves out there. But I also tease that my son was raised by a pack of wild dogs...

Honesty is always the best policy. Even if my PCP doesn't initailly believe me sometimes.

This has been a good thread. I know that I heard about fitday.com here. Now, I'm on my REALLY strict post op diet here - so calories per day are usually under 300, but I'm keeping track, and it was so interesting to see how easily they crept up - especially with the one fudgecycle. I've never counted calories before, but I think I might continue because this has really been an eye opener about how much I was probably eating prior to surgery - it just didn't seem like so much. Everyone always said - 'we don't get it - you don't eat that much'. True - I really didn't pig out - but each meal was larger, each snack was more and voila - here I am.

I have a tiny friend, when we go out to eat, she always just eats a half of her bean burrito from Taco Bell and brings the rest home. She's not banded - she just has to choose to eat that much (all on her own - impressive). In any event. I realized if I want to be small - I have to eat like that friend (and this will help).

BTW - bean burritos' ok in a few months hehehe ?

""Megan said, "But I'm restricted enough to PB and to have to really watch myself. It's such a fine line when you get so close to the sweetspot..."

I read this sentence 5 times. If you still PB, then a fill isn't your answer. ""

I can't figure out how you guys make that nice little quote box...

Lisa--

I've been at the sweet spot and when I'm there- I never PB. Know why? Cause I'm not hungry!!!! I don't push it like I do now and have in the past when I'm just a little too loose. I can't describe the feeling of being satisfied with just a few bites and not trying to eat so much because I'm still hungry. My little stomach gets full but my big stomach is still hungry. I always say- being stuck and being full are not the same thing. The only time I PB is when I'm too loose. Does that make any sense to anyone else?

Megan

is PB - puke back???

Now, I'm on my REALLY strict post op diet here - so calories per day are usually under 300, but I'm keeping track, and it was so interesting to see how easily they crept up - especially with the one fudgecycle.

You are actually eating under 300 calories a day??????

I can't figure out how you guys make that nice little quote box...

Megan, it's magic. Actually, hit the quote button at the bottom of someone's post, and viola`! quote box.

I had a doctor put me on a 300 calorie a day diet a hundred years ago when I had a body fat % of around 28% (not like my current 41.9%). I lasted about an afternoon.

Lisa, ths was Dr. Billy? if so, now I have a crush on him.

I was trying to take this thread seriously till Vinesqueen said, "I know I tease about being raised by wolves and I know it isn't fair to real wolves out there." Now my gut is splitting from laughing so damn hard. WHY are you being so mean to wolves????????

The best I can describe my childhood is being raised by the evil circus clown with props and scary surprises around every corner, always afraid. However, now those demons are behind me and all I'm left with are bad habits that I simply can't break. Doc Billy says, "you mean you 'won't' break." I say, "no, I CAN'T." When I am able to stop eating at night, I tear at my fingernails and cuticles till they bleed. Then I chew the insides of my cheeks and lips till they bleed. My dentist doubles as my therapist and always holds my hands and asks me to please stop making hamburger out of my lovely cheeks. food is a drug to me, which is why Billy is going about my personal dilema at a different angle.

Yes, Michelle, that's the book he wants me to own. I agreed with him that I'd start memorizing serving sizes and calories even if I plan on eating the whole bag. It's okay for me to eat the entire bag as long as I agree to be happy with myself for cosuming all those calories (hopefully the idea will kick in that I won't be happy so I won't eat the whole thing.)

Yeah, probably the evil circus is a better analogy, but because we would litterally go for weeks without seeing a parent, we were half ferrel. But with manners, mind you. I had my manners litterally beaten into me. Funny, I'm pathalogically well mannered, but I won't do the dishes at night because I don't have too.

And yes you can break those habbits. If I can stop hording, you can stop too. Okay, I haven't actually stopped hording, but I'm thinking about stopping hording. The first step is thinking about it, not actually doing it.

When I get home, I'll post a great quote from Mark Twain about habbits. It goes something like "habbits are not something to be thrown out a window. They must be coaxed down the stairs, one step at a time."

I had to add my thanks as well... Thank you everyone for making me think. Kathy -- I am with you! I am unfilled right now, but have an appointment this morning. Not PBing and no longer have reflux, can't eat pre-band portions, but I have unbelievable cravings!!! Cravings that seemed to go away when I had some decent restriction.

I will get my fill today, but I am also going to try and stay honest with myself and watch my portions and cravings.

Thanks again for this wake up call.

Yes, I started counting the calories - *everything* is sugar free - so like no calories from carbs, I'm not on the Protein yet - so no carbs from protein. v-8 juice and my fudgcycle bring me up to that amount. I think it's a crazy low amount of calories - but today - I should get on Proteins so things will go up - but yeah - crazy huh?

what is PB?

Yesterday I made my mind up that by August 20th, my two year bandiversary I will be closer to goal than I am today. I have to do this for me.....this thread has given me the motivation that I need to continue to have to the "want to" to get to this goal. Yes, I would like to be 20 lbs lighter, but if I am 10-15 lbs that would be just as wonderful. Thanks everyone for their input here!

Kellymoos, August 20 is special for me, too, as you know. So I'm on board with you!!

I've always known exactly how much an ounce of pretzles has, or an ounce of cheese, but keeping with this thread I'm adding up some really honest and ugly numbers right now. I got rid of all our goodies at home and replaced it with dried fruits and nuts thinking it's a step in the right direction... wrong!

I told Billy I'd be aware of how many calories my Snacks have, even if I decide to eat them all. So I measured my 12 ounce coffee mug and filled it with a mixture of cashews, wasabi dried peas and pita chips. One coffee mug isn't very big considering it will be spread out over 8 hours. WRONG! There's over 1000 calories packed in that little mug... cashews should never pass a Bandster's lips!

I don't usually eat Breakfast, but I've eaten a couple ounces of this snack so far. After seeing the numbers, I pushed the cup aside. It's still here, but I'm trying to reason with it.

Anyone else having trouble with portion sizes that is willing to share honestly how many calories are there?

Thanks for starting this thread, Lisa. Count me as one of the bandsters who's been thinking about a fill when what I really need is a whack upside the head. I'm eating less than pre-band, but still making some bad choices. On the Fourth of July I had a real junk-food binge, my first since I got my band. I could only get down one BBQ chicken drumstick, but had no trouble with Cookies and potato chips at an all-day food fest. I got scared when I saw the old food-obsessed me coming back in her rotund glory, eating everything that wasn't nailed down.

One reason I got banded was that I was sick of counting calories, fat grams, carbs, etc. But the truth is that weight loss is really a numbers game; if you take in fewer calories than you burn up, you'll lose weight. I hate that!

Nearly a year after I got my band, I'm still coming to terms with the real meaning of the band as a tool. It takes care of business once the food is on its way down, but my brain is in charge of the delivery, and it needs help making good choices.

Zoe, when I went to Billy, the exact words I used were, "I don't need a port, I need to be whacked upside the head."

I hate numbers, too. They just add up too fast!