What am I DOING?! I just switched my insurance to Oxford. I have a $5k deductible, and after that, they'll cover 70%, and I'm responsible for 30%. The surgery is $7k. With Oxford, I don't have to jump through so many hoops - all I need is my letter from the PCP, they'll schedule me for surgery, and voila! Size 0, here I come!

I had prepped myself for this to happen around the middle of December, but it looks like it'll happen sooner. I'd been doing really well with my food until today, when I had a sort of "farewell meal" today at the Chinese buffet. (I know part of it was because I let myself get too hungry; had Breakfast late, and got myself stressed out.)

How is this going to be different from Weight Watchers and every other diet I've been on? And this time it'll cost me a truckload of money, not that I haven't spent a gazillion dollars on weight loss programs, pills, different sized clothes, etc., and I'm STILL FAT. Maybe I'm not supposed to be skinny. What's going to make this time different?

I love food. I guess we wouldn't be here if we didn't. I like to eat new things, try new dishes. I like the way soda tastes in my mouth. I like the texture of mashed potatoes. I like sushi, Indian food, international food. I won't be able to eat ever again. I can't have champagne ever again, or Sprite.

WHAT AM I DOING?!

I would love to be able to sit in an airplane seat, and not have to wear an extender, or feel the arm rest digging into my thighs. I want to be able to wear cute things. And what happens if I do loose the weight? I'm 45; the skin's not going to instantly snap back into place. I'm going to look like a deflated balloon.

I just don't know. I want to crawl into a hole, and stay there.:tongue2:

What am I DOING?! I just switched my insurance to Oxford. I have a $5k deductible, and after that, they'll cover 70%, and I'm responsible for 30%. The surgery is $7k. With Oxford, I don't have to jump through so many hoops - all I need is my letter from the PCP, they'll schedule me for surgery, and voila! Size 0, here I come!

I had prepped myself for this to happen around the middle of December, but it looks like it'll happen sooner. I'd been doing really well with my food until today, when I had a sort of "farewell meal" today at the Chinese buffet. (I know part of it was because I let myself get too hungry; had breakfast late, and got myself stressed out.)

How is this going to be different from Weight Watchers and every other diet I've been on? And this time it'll cost me a truckload of money, not that I haven't spent a gazillion dollars on weight loss programs, pills, different sized clothes, etc., and I'm STILL FAT. Maybe I'm not supposed to be skinny. What's going to make this time different?

I love food. I guess we wouldn't be here if we didn't. I like to eat new things, try new dishes. I like the way soda tastes in my mouth. I like the texture of mashed potatoes. I like sushi, Indian food, international food. I won't be able to eat ever again. I can't have champagne ever again, or Sprite.

WHAT AM I DOING?!

I would love to be able to sit in an airplane seat, and not have to wear an extender, or feel the arm rest digging into my thighs. I want to be able to wear cute things. And what happens if I do loose the weight? I'm 45; the skin's not going to instantly snap back into place. I'm going to look like a deflated balloon.

I just don't know. I want to crawl into a hole, and stay there.:tongue2:

Oblong you just said what alot of us are thinking just keep your head up and best of luck to you I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Oblong, I think that what's going to make this time different is that you have a tool that will help you. I haven't been banded yet, and believe me, I can relate to what you're saying, especially not fitting in airplane seats, or needing extensions, and feeling like you're crowding out the passengers beside you.

I know that I'll probably have those same fears, but what helps me is to think about the end result, and then, take it one day at a time. The reason you're doing this is because, as you said, "Zero, here I come!"

I also find that it really helps to do just what you've done, come to this board and talk, talk, talk. There are people all around you, those who've gone before, and those, like me, who will follow, who really do know what you're feeling. You can do this!

Don't worry...everyone freaks out at some point. The difference this time will be that there will be a tool there to help you when you can't do it on your own.

I've done so many other diets in the past. They worked for a while..then I would fall back into bad eating habits.

With the band you will have the help that you need to get through the rough spots. It's not always easy...but it is so worth it.

Take a deep breath...you will do great!

Oblong... you can do this! I went through all of these same feelings before making my final decision. And, although my band is broken, and no longer functions, I still do NOT regret my decision. Don't worry about what you can't have in the future, because a lot of that has to do with what you can handle individually. I've had a glass of champagne, sometimes I was able to eat a few bits of bread, but I'll tell you this... I don't miss the cracked out feeling of wanting a soda so bad, and the crappy feeling after I had one, PRIOR to the band. Not having had soda all this time is a blessing. I'm an ice Water and iced tea (no sugar) kind of gal now, and I enjoy that.

Anyways, if you need a shoulder or a person to bounce off of, that's why we are all here. Hang in there! You'll do what's best for you. :Dancing_biggrin:

This is the best thing I have ever done. For me it has been so worth it. I was never a soda person but I do love international foods and I have found that I can eat all kinds of foods but just in a lot smaller quanities. You know like "normal" eaters... I can now sit down and slowly eat and savor my food. And because I eat a lot smaller quanities I indulge myself in really good food not junk. So great not to have that monkey on my back anymore...It did take 4 fills to finally hit my sweet spot and now I enjoy my food more than ever. I had my surgery 10 months ago and have lost 67 lbs. so far..Wouldn't go back to my nasty eating for anything. Hang in there.

NOTHING tastes as good as thin feels.