Can you be an overweight person and have a good self esteem?

There's a lot of people in the world that would rather be obese than healthy and are happy with it. Some people are really proud of themselves no matter what the scale may say. And think they look damn good too lol

I definitely think it's possible for self-esteem and being overweight/obese to coexist--it's just that with the way our society values slimmy mcslimster people from Slimtown, building esteem for your body can be especially hard. Some people can genuinely feel comfortable in a comparatively large body.

I find National Association of Fat Americans and those "Fatosphere" blogs and websites to be pretty interesting on this level. Yes, WLS people aren't welcome there and they think we're "mutilating" our bodies, but the sites do address so many ways that "fat" has been used as discrimination. I know that when I reach my goal size/weight, I will still be considered fat by many magazines, television shows, etc., and my self-esteem building will still need help.

I know that when I reach my goal size/weight, I will still be considered fat by many magazines, television shows, etc., and my self-esteem building will still need help.

Too true. A lot of people nowadays think fat is 120 lbs or more. It's sad :cursing:

Well, I dont think its mutually exclusive, but most of us will never be the perfect weight or have the perfect look so if your self esteem is based entirely on that you're in trouble. I get my self esteem from doing the most I can with what I have, not by comparing myself to some celebrity that I'm supposed to look like. Its why I can never understand those "role model" debates. They are them, I am me, I dont feel a need to look like someone else.

Fat or thin, I like myself in many ways that have nothing to do with my looks.

But yes, I feel better about myself for having gotten through a tough journey like this and knowing I've done the best I could for my health and that I also look my best.

I didnt feel bad about being fat because I looked bad, I felt bad because of what it said about me, lazy, unmotivated, careless. It may not be true about every fat person, but I was fat because I was acting like a fat slob.

Edited June 19, 200818 yr by Jachut

I didnt feel bad about being fat because I looked bad, I felt bad because of what it said about me, lazy, unmotivated, careless. It may not be true about every fat person, but I was fat because I was acting like a fat slob.

I agree with this so much.

Well, I dont think its mutually exclusive, but most of us will never be the perfect weight or have the perfect look so if your self esteem is based entirely on that you're in trouble. I get my self esteem from doing the most I can with what I have, not by comparing myself to some celebrity that I'm supposed to look like. Its why I can never understand those "role model" debates. They are them, I am me, I dont feel a need to look like someone else.

Fat or thin, I like myself in many ways that have nothing to do with my looks.

But yes, I feel better about myself for having gotten through a tough journey like this and knowing I've done the best I could for my health and that I also look my best.

I didnt feel bad about being fat because I looked bad, I felt bad because of what it said about me, lazy, unmotivated, careless. It may not be true about every fat person, but I was fat because I was acting like a fat slob.

Though I do understand your drive I still am shocked to hear (read) what you said about yourself. Were you overweight all your life or only after some time in your adult life just curious. I can't change how you feel/felt about yourself but the comment about what it said about you, lazy, unmotivated, careless, seems more society driven than anything else. It appears to be some major self-loathing and seems :biggrin: brandyII.

I definitely think it's possible for self-esteem and being overweight/obese to coexist--it's just that with the way our society values slimmy mcslimster people from Slimtown, building esteem for your body can be especially hard. Some people can genuinely feel comfortable in a comparatively large body.

I find National Association of Fat Americans and those "Fatosphere" blogs and websites to be pretty interesting on this level. Yes, WLS people aren't welcome there and they think we're "mutilating" our bodies, but the sites do address so many ways that "fat" has been used as discrimination. I know that when I reach my goal size/weight, I will still be considered fat by many magazines, television shows, etc., and my self-esteem building will still need help.

Although a lot of "fatabulous" groups do not tend to be "diet or WLS friendly" they do tend to be health friendly and that includes the body as well as the mind. There are many groups similar to the one you mentioned and also countless authors who have written on the subject. I've found a lot of what they say to be really enlightening and have made me feel really good about myself which hasn't happened in a lonnnnnng time!

I do feel in some ways that is may not be as easy for a woman or man if they were much younger, say teen to young adult to be able to be self confident enough to not care about what others think of their bodies. The nature of the beast but wouldn't it be nice if they could.

I find it is much easier as I've aged, 48 years of age to be exact, to be able to love my body as it is at my present weight. At 20 I was a bit too self absorbed and self conscious to not care what others thought of me including myself!

I am one of those people who truly believed that life did not start until I was thin. I don't know if any of you have felt this way or not. I wasn't even worthy of enjoying life as a "plump" person. Of course the negative comments about my size that I've received from people seemed to stick in my mind and compliments flittered away................as they didn't matter.

I look at my body now and see it as large and not as pleasant as one portrayed in a movie or a mag but I also know that if I were to lose 100 pounds right now it wouldn't be too purdy either!!:biggrin: At least I still have breast that go up a bit at 145 I'd have pancakes:biggrin: and a major skirt which I can thank my two babies for.

I do know at my size I have to control my diabetes which I have been, take my thyroid meds, eat healthy and exercise, which I also have been doing but the mental grief I've put myself through prior to lap banding and even worse after lap banding has taken it's toll on me!

I don't think I want to be a person who can only judge herself as good and worth while if she's is either losing weight or down to a socially acceptable size.

Be that as it may, I still have a lap band in me and still have saline in that lap band and so have the right to be here like everyone else whether you choose to agree with me or berate me or choose not to agree with me and just look at this as another human being's opinion.

I am a healthy person basically as long as I stop yo yo'ng and exercise and eat healthy foods. When I don't focus on dieting per se I don't tend to over indulge in sugary foods that tend to upset my diabetes. You can't take a St. Bernard and turn it into a greyhound!

I know this is an upsetting topic for a lot of people and a lot of people will attack some of the comments I've made and I expect that now don't want it necessarily but expect it none the less.

As a person who grew up chubby, lost a lot of weight a few times and has been a large size woman since her last baby in 1988 I know that feeling good in one's skin does not necessarily mean the skin has to be on a thin body as my self esteem was just as poor while thin as it was as plump, brandyII:smile:

I think it depends on the person.

Some people are happy in their skin as they are, some people are unhappy being fat, and of course some of those people are in denial as well. Then those are the thin people who think they are fat. For me it is all mental.

I've been one of those thin people who thought they were fat (I was a teenager at the time). I don't know where "size" became such an importance in my life. I was hugged and loved as a child, never abused and no one ever told me I was fat. I just felt like I was. So weight has always been an issue for me. Why? I don't know. I know that I felt better being a normal weight. My body was healthier, it was easier to get around. My knees and back didn't hurt all the time. I wasn't winded carrying the groceries from the house to the car.

People treated me different too. That has a huge impact on self esteem. I didn't realise the difference until I gained 120 pounds. As I'm losing weight now, I carry myself differently. I hold my head a little higher. I'm starting to feel better about me and that I believe effects how others treat you. I'm still fat, but my self esteem has grown leaps and bounds.

You're right Leslie and I'm glad you're holding your head higher. I don't know much about eating disorders or body dysmorphia. I think that's why it's important for people when they lose weight and even when they get down to where they want to be to go to or continue with therapy. There are so many issues that come with size change and even though you lose 100 pounds and think it's great and life can now start, etc... you may not be ready for all that it holds. Or maybe your expectations are different and it can be a difficult thing to deal with and you want the best out of your life as you can get, take care brandyII:smile:

Though I do understand your drive I still am shocked to hear (read) what you said about yourself. Were you overweight all your life or only after some time in your adult life just curious. I can't change how you feel/felt about yourself but the comment about what it said about you, lazy, unmotivated, careless, seems more society driven than anything else. It appears to be some major self-loathing and seems :biggrin: brandyII.

Not at all. I wasnt overweight all my life, I always tended to be heavyish, with a BMI of about 27, 28, but not really fat. As a teen I was active and as a young adult working, I stayed a reasonable weight. Nonetheless my weight was always a concern but not a real problem.

Anyhow, after I had my second baby I started to pile it on. I was a sahm, my days would consist of plenty of social contact with my friends, but also a lot of windowshopping, treating myself to cappucino's and cakes, only to head home to watch TV shows I'd taped at night while the kids slept, more biscuits, coffees, etc while I sat on the couch, not a lot in the way of housework got done besides the basics, erk, not a very exciting life. Was looking forward to returning to work and routine and structure when my youngest started school, but fell pregnant again. This time there was the internet, sitting on my butt half the day on the computer, the same routine of shopping and eating, punctuated this time by school drop offs and pick ups, I just got fat and unfit and too lazy to do anything about it.

When I hit 240lb I knew I was in trouble, that my lifestyle was not doing me any favours. When I looked at myself, I realise I would have described anyone else behaving like me as fat and lazy, someone who deserved the weight problem they had. That's because I knew it was my choice, I could spend the morning eating crap at the mall and spending money I didnt have or I could spend the morning at the gym! So I changed.

I changed because I knew I was better than that and didnt want to become really obese. I knew I still had a window to get out of it with relative ease, so I took it because I cared. Self loathing *might* have come had I allowed mysel to get heavier and heavier.

I was still always a confident, basically happy person, but there was an element of my daily behaviour that wasnt making me feel great about myself and I decided to change it. I was frustrated by the way I looked and had to dress but basically I hate the thought of acting like a fat housewife watching soaps all day. I had more brains than that! I like myself lots better since I also decided that I would keep my house a lot better, I was never a complete pig but to have 3 weeks ironing piled up wasnt unusual. At the same time as I lost weight, I decided to fight my basic personality flaw of being chronically disorganised. Now I'm not.

So whilst there was something about myself I wanted to change, it was not self loathing, not at all. Wanting to make the most of yourself is called self RESPECT!

Its an important distinction to make, it wasnt ME I didnt like, it was my BEHAVIOUR!

Edited June 19, 200818 yr by Jachut

My self-esteem issues come mostly from being overweight. I've struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. A few years ago when I lost down to 190lbs (the lowest I've been since my early 20's) my whole attitude changed.

In all honesty, while fixing the appearance issues will be great, the Lap Band is more a choice for health reasons then looks. As I've aged my body has become very tired of carrying all this weight around, I've developed High BP, sleep Apnea and depression...all weight related.

I can't exercise much because of my size and I'm pretty lazy most of the time because it hurts to do too much...not good for a 34 year old woman.

While I'm still able to be happy (even at my current size) I can't be completely comfortable, and I suffer from silly insecurities that put pressure on my relationships with other people.

I'm not comfortable in my "fat suit" and it shows.

Jachut,

I kind of had the feeling you weren't a tortured overweight child growing up, some how I got that impression from your posts. I know it's not easy being an overweight person at any age but growing up as a chubby child you bring a lot of baggage with you.

I suppose on one hand now that you're at goal or close to it you feel safe to say those derogatory things about fat people or yourself when you were fat but most people probably still feel a bit uncomfortable hearing this from you. It actually bothers me more to hear you say that about your previous self. As someone who has been down to 125 pounds after being a fat child/teen and then gaining back over 100 pounds twice in her life I'd never go there. I don't know I guess we're all very different in that aspect. brandyII.

My self-esteem issues come mostly from being overweight. I've struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. A few years ago when I lost down to 190lbs (the lowest I've been since my early 20's) my whole attitude changed.

In all honesty, while fixing the appearance issues will be great, the Lap Band is more a choice for health reasons then looks. As I've aged my body has become very tired of carrying all this weight around, I've developed High BP, sleep Apnea and depression...all weight related.

I can't exercise much because of my size and I'm pretty lazy most of the time because it hurts to do too much...not good for a 34 year old woman.

While I'm still able to be happy (even at my current size) I can't be completely comfortable, and I suffer from silly insecurities that put pressure on my relationships with other people.

I'm not comfortable in my "fat suit" and it shows.

No one says you have to be comfortable in your fat suit, it's not easy and I don't know many who could. It's worth a try for me though. I also think it has a lot to do with my age. I think that after so many years of self loathing because of one aspect of my physical being, (my size is XX large) I have let it control my life. Every day I woke up thinking that I would start a new diet and almost every day I screwed it up and felt like sh*&&^t afterwards and it was a big waste of time. Lap banding did not do it for me either as I still had to diet.

I am getting a bit closer to 50 and so things do change with your body so I don't expect it to react the way it did when I was 20. My body type may not be that of a thin person, it keeps telling me that by jumping back up every time I try to diet. If I had a magic wand I would make my body slim and tight and more bottom and a slimmer waist but I don't see that happening and I have to live my life as it is now and not wait until I've lost weight.

My depression was there no matter what weight I was, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain but you can make it worse by thinking you're not worthy of anything and feeding your self bad thoughts constantly, it can't help. My aim is now to be healthy but it doesn't mean I'm going to shrink down to a size "perfect". Exercise is a good thing and it makes me feel good, endorphins and all and helps with diabetes. It also helps me feel stronger and probably helps with self esteem too. It's a complicated issue and not one that fits well with everyone. We all want to have self esteem but I guess it's in our head already we just have to let it be! brandyII.:confused_smile:

BrandyII, why cant we simply face this issue? Why do we always have to talk around it? Why cant we "go there"?

I dont think it bothers most people. We're here because we have thought about these issues and decided we want to change behaviours that are destructive to our happiness and health. We're here becuase we've taken the very brave and confronting step of having surgery which will just about ensure that some of those self defeating but very comfortable habits are going to be blown out of the Water. That's the scariest thing of all about getting banded!

I did NOT just intimate that everyone here is a fat lazy goodfornothing slob. And most people know that. I did NOT make derogatory remarks about fat people, I made remarks about certain negative behaviours which many of us share and do not find conducive to good self esteem. What we all have in common here is overeating and underexercising AND the fact that those behaviours have not made us happy. Furthermore we are all here becuase we want to change.

So I fail to see how stating that is derogatory or offensive.

Our self esteem improves the minute we start this journey, to face the behaviours, make the decision to change them and take positive steps towards doing so is good for the soul. The excitement and pride in people's words as they see the first pounds go, its amazing. Goal weight is irrelevant to the self esteem that comes from behaving differently.

Not go there? Its the first place we need to go!

Edited June 20, 200818 yr by Jachut

Jachut,

I think you and I maybe polar opposites, we are in theory and probably geographically as well! It's okay I know I piss the heck out of you! I not familiar with the phrase "utter twaddle" but I'm assuming it's similar to what bulls do when they take a poop!

This is a Mental Health and Lap Band Life thread, part of a Social Group and not the Rant and Raves Section, just thought I'd remind you of that in case you didn't know.

We're all very complicated people and some people here are still considered "obese" so maybe all the "get off your fat ass" stuff maybe a bit humiliating and hurtful in our eyes. It is in mine so I'm sure I'm not alone in that feeling.

Is it wrong to interact with others here who also may have low self esteems because of their weight issues to try to get beyond it and feel better about ourselves during our weight loss journeys? Are we only allowed to feel good about ourselves once we've gotten off our fat asses and stopped watching TV and eating bon bons and lost that extra weight? I'm sorry but that's screwed up and we do not need to feel like dirt just because of our size. And I find it insulting that someone would be that critical of fat people who once was fat herself admittedly. You may have disliked yourself but we do not have to hate ourselves just because we are fat!!!

Does it bother you that I haven't lost enough weight yet by your standards but still have a lap band but am trying to survive my life day to day and am discussing various topics on this forum? Why does one person upset you so much?

You seem to have taken a very militant way of losing weight for yourself and almost remind me of a Marine Corp Sergeant barking out commands at times. You still needed the lap band to use as your tool and it worked for you and your whole approach as you've stated has made you the woman you are today, a much thinner, stronger, healthier person and that's wonderful but don't assume your approach works for everyone! I've never said it was easy for your either, just that it has worked for you.

I tend to believe that obesity is a bit more complicated than you wish to believe. You yourself know that a person your age, sex, weight who has never been overweight maybe able to take in more calories than you and not gain. I am not a doctor but I know that weight loss is more difficult for some people, (God I know it wasn't easy for you either!) and we cannot discount that fact!

I don't know why you always turn this into a war between "THIN and FAT" with you. I'm sure if you need statistics I could go there on the benefits that thin people have always had over fat people but I think it's fairly obvious. Fat people deserve as much dignity and happiness as anyone else in our world. Do you disagree with that statement and personally do you actually hate fat people and find them disgusting because I'm getting that vibe from you? Do you really think the thin people in our society are getting the shaft???

Not every fat person is an addict. Some maybe but not all! And there are those who don't even believe food is an addictive source like alcohol or drugs are. There are many factors that can affect one's weight. Having obese parents, being obese from childhood to name a few, your situation is a bit different or am I wrong, you did say you didn't gain weight until you had children. I don't think you understand the minds of obese people and tend to be a bit too judgmental with us.

Anyway I'm not trying to be your enemy but do resent the fact that you have to attack me when I'm trying to build up my self esteem and help others also. I don't believe we have to wait until we're thin to have it, sorry brandyII.:confused_smile: