anyone else afraid to tell anyone about having the surgery?

[skierhj 1]

So, my surgery is next Wednesday (May 21st)! I'm really pretty excited and looking forward to the future. But, I haven't told anyone other than a couple of family members (and only then because they're going to be there with me) that I am doing this. I feel like if I admit this I will be horribly embarassed (as if being overweight isn't bad enough).

Problem part 2 - obviously having surgery, obviously going to be losing weight???? How do I explain that if I just can't admit it to people?

[agreatknead 1]

Hi,

I also have told very few people. I had my surgery on 4-14 and only my daughter and husband knew I was going to have it done in Mexico. Since then I have told a few people who have all been very supportive. I guess part of my fear was that I needed this tool to help me make this happen and my other fear was, what if it doesn't work the way I think it will and I've told then about this great surgery, WOW now they will really be watching me. Well, what I think is happening is that the weight loss is pretty slow, not like GB. No one seems to be paying any attention to what I am eating and they just think I finally have learned how to stick to my diet. I imagine I will tell others as time goes by but I don't think I need to rush into it. Just do what you are comfortable with and don't worry about it and no one else will.

Good luck, your on the right path.

Blessings,

Sally

[OpenHrtOpenMind 1]

Hi, there & welcome. I'm 5 days posting banding & hanging in there Your post really struck me as I was/am this way as well. I only told work that I was having surgery & only one person in HR knows what for. This honestly was a personal decision for me & not one I want and or need to feel I have to justify to anyone. This was largely part of why I haven't been telling anyone other than close family & friends. The other really stems from the fact that I know for many they think this is the "easy" way out. As all of us that go through this can attest to, there isn't much easy at all & frankly I just don't even want to deal with this or the gossip that may ensue, especially as my job is a "gossip pit" and I manage a team of 20. As far as my reply to losing weight, my answer so far has been, "Yes. I have lost some weight. I'm eating right & exercising to make sure I'm setting a healthy example for both myself & my son." This is just enough info, but not too much & honestly hasn't led to much further with other people that have commented or asked. Keep in mind this weight loss will be slow & steady so you won't be accounting for a massive loss of lots of pounds in a short time :thumbup: Best of luck to you!!!

[goin2lasvegas 0]

I am really nervous about telling my mom about the surgery, because she is really against it.....however, we are both obese and really, really need to re-evaluate our lives. I hope the conversation will not be that bad!

[skierhj 1]

thanks for the replies. This is definitely a tough one, I just really don't know what to say to people and I work in a small office and everyone knows what everyone is up to and so they keep asking while I'll be out for a bit. I keep saying "health reasons" and even that begs a million more questions.

[lynnie77 0]

I am planning on having lap band surgery next month, and the only person that knows is my husband. I don't even want to tell my children, because I'm afraid they will tell other people. I think I'm mostly embarrassed, and when I lose a lot of weight, I want people to think that I did it on my own. So, I don't blame you for not saying anything.

[sugrbear 1]

I made the decision not to tell anyone in my family about the surgery for several reasons. My husband of course knows because bless his soul, he handed me the cash to have it done, since I don't work any longer. Anyway, I felt like I had put a certain amount of pressure on myself to succeed with the band since my husband worked so hard to give this to me, if it isn't going to work, it can't be because I gave up or didn't try. My daughters would actually be very supportive but live 1700 miles away with my grandkids and this was something I didn't want them worrying about right now. They can't be here physcially for me and I know they would want to. I also didn't want the other people I know back there and here wondering, did I lose weight, how much, etc etc,, I don't want it to be a consuming thing. I recently told a newbie, learn to "live" with your band, not be "consumed" by it, which I think could very easily happen, especially in the beginning when we are just learning how to live with it. I also truly beleived before I got the band, it was just what they said, a "tool" and I was going to have to work my butt off even with the band. So as I lose weight if people ask me how I am doing it I am going to simply say, I am eating better, living better, taking better care of myself, because you know what I am.

My husband and I discussed this, and he really thought I should tell my girls, but we didn't, later I found out he forgot we decided to tell no one at all, and I walked into his office several weeks after surgery to "how do you feel?",, "you look good",and didn't understand why, he has 10 women who work for him,,, turns out he told them about my surgery,, It upset me he told them, it has made me not want to go back into his office because I dont want them to look and wonder, etc,, you know what I mean. It is an odd feeling, and I know these girls,, they are nice,, but it seems strange now. anyway,, that was my way to handle it.. Maybe later I will change my mind, who knows only time will tell. So far I was banded on March 28, had my first fill on April 24 and am doing great, I have lost steadily since day one, and am happy. I work out 3-4x week and have had no negatives yet. I eat well, food I like and feel no restriction but am losing.

[~Sheila~ 0]

I told my Husband, and my parents. Thats it.

I didnt feel it was anyone else's business.

You could always say you just had your gallbladder out, or something like that?

[Liz1531 3]

I'm 8 months out and let me tell you my tricks.

1. I tell people I'm a weird eater and just like to graze all day and eat tiny bits. (This is how I explain only eating a little in public)

2. Order soups/mushies when out with friends

3. If people say anything about me losing weight I just say I'm watching my calories and trying to move more. (Since I haven't lost much, not too many people have noticed anything)

So far so good!

[tai68 0]

I'm kind of the reverse on this...I told pretty much everyone when I first began to research and go through orientation, doctor appts., etc. I think I felt compelled to "alert" everyone that I was ready for a change - and nothing was going to stop me. Now that I have been approved by insurance...and have an actual surgery date set for 6/30 - I'm afraid to tell everyone that it's a go. I guess now the reality has set in...and there's no turning back (well, that's not necessarily true, but still). I know I will have the support I need, but the end truth of it all is that it is entirely up to me.

I understand the embarrassment. But there is no shame in taking control...share it with those you trust and know that those are the ones that will support you when you need it most.

[Northwest_Nance 0]

I have a different story about telling people. I had never considered weight loss surgery (always thought I had to do it myself, never knew how to ask for help) until I had to go to a hip surgeon for hip surgery and he said he really thought I should consider weight loss surgery before getting my hip operated on. I was shocked! And embarrassed. My first thought was "I'm not telling anybody". After sleeping on it, I realized I had to tell at least my boss and my human resources director. Well, by the end of the next afternoon, I had told everybody at work. I was blown away by how supportive everyone was and how happy for me they all were. Then I told my family, and all my friends. Not one single person has been critical of my decision. Everyone is excited for me and I never dreamed they would be so supportive. And it has been liberating for me.... for the first time in my life, I can talk freely about my weight -- obviously everyone has always been able to see that I'm fat, but somehow we just don't talk about it.

I understand wanting to keep it to yourself and I think that's a personal decision each of us makes. I have to admit, I haven't told my neighbors, who I say hello to casually. I figure they don't know me well enough that they need to know, and besides, I know they'd send it up and down the street as gossip. But for me, it feels wonderful to have told everyone who does know me and cares about me.

[MacMadame 81]

My immediate family knows including my mom and dh (d does not equal dear) told a bunch of people, which annoys me. I am just at the point where I know this is the right thing to do but I am also at a point in my life where I just don't feel like putting my energy into educating people or getting any flack.

So I don't intend to tell anyone else until it's a done deal. I figure once it's done, no one can try to talk me out of it, which would annoy the crap out of me, and if they have negative thoughts, most people are too polite to actually repeat them to me when it's a done deal. If they do -- well, they are a tool so who cares what they think, right?

But if people ask me how I lost the weight, I'm going to be honest. I don't have anything to be ashamed of and pretending I don't have a lap band just perpetuates the myths that obese people are that way because they are too lazy to change their lives and anyone can do lose weight and keep it off if they just put their mind to it. I hate that myth and I'm not going to do anything to keep it alive.