So Much Anxiety
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So very soon I start getting all my preop doc appt's done and I have everyone of them scheduled within a a week of one another. I will be done my psych eval, which is my last before getting a date on 3/11. I think that i've been researching and so excited about getting the surgery that now that I know I have a week and 2days before it's set and just a matter of paperwork, I've been thinking about it non stop. I have so many emotions It literally causing me insomnia. I'm excited beyond belief, and scared of so many things, the surgery, the change in life, the possibility of failure. I feel like if i'm like this now, when i actually get a date I might end up having a heart attack from all the anxiety and the pressure i'm putting on myself. Not just to succeed in weight loss but my life changes too.
I thought about it tonight and had a conversation with my best friend and I really think my biggest problem in general is I constantly feel like I'm dissapointing myself, and my parents. Not that they are ever disapointed in me but I don't want them to ever be, I want to be the daughter there proud of not that causes issues , because sometimes I still make stupid childish mistakes nothing big, but enough to usually cost me money I can't afford to pay, or whatever so my unhappiness about feeling like I'm not perfect, manifest itself in my weight. Is anyone else like this? did anyone feel so much anxiety even before they got ther surgery date?. don't misunderstand I want this surgery! maybe my anxiety is about the unknown of being thin for good. I do think alot about buying clothes and going to the beach and feeling good about myself walking around in public. i just wish my thought didn't keep me up at night.:rolleyes2: