Do you expect or have experienced friendship changes?

for the best or for the worst?

I confided in a friend and she was totally against it....at first she said how could I even qualify that I was not big enough..to just try dieting again.....(sort of flattering I guess) but she did not mean it in a nice way....

Now she has tried to come back with rates, statistics that I don't know where she is getting them from and just saying might as well get the RNY bypass....

That is when I realized she must not really know what they lapband system really is.....

oh...and she does NOT have a weight problem.....

do you think it is jealousy...?,...maybe fear.....?....

I am willing to share the spotlight why can't she?

:think

Hurt....:think

Freindship, that is an interesting topic. I have gained friends because they can relate to me to me as a thinner person. I have people that want to be my friends now because I'm thinner, but they did not like me when I was fat, so I don't want to be their friend now.

I have my "Fat Friends" who I hung out with when I was fat, but now some of them don't want anything to do with me now that I've lost 150 lbs. It's their loss.

My wife and I had the surgery 11 months ago, and life just keeps getting better. I don't know how it could get much better. I went from someone who did not like to have my photo taken to someone who has starred in a commercial that shows on TV several times a day. I was featured in a program that will be on the Style Channel next spring. I look better, feel better, and can now shop for clothes where "Normal" people shop. Yeah it's pretty bad. LOL

John

I think that no matter what, when, or where--people are afraid of change. They are afraid that by losing weight you will be a different person than the one they are used to.

The only people who know about my surgery are my siblings and parents. I am not planning on telling my friends just yet. I don't know if I ever will or not. I would hope that my friendships will remain, regardless of my weight. I have been losing weight the past couple months in preparation for surgery and I have gotten nothing but support and well wishes from my friends and I hope that will continue.

The majority of my friends are not overweight, and if they are, they aren't as big as I am and it's not as serious. I do have a few who are though. It will be interesting to see how those relationships play out when I lose a lot more weight. Will I tell them about it, will I not? Will they become jealous?

I just found out that one of those extremely overweight friends of mine who had gastric bypass a few months ago. I am very happy for her and wish her all the best. I haven't told her that I'm getting the band and I wonder if I will ever tell her.

I wanted to say this also. About 6 years ago a friend of mine had gastric bypass. I did the same to her--quizzing her and giving her statistics. Not because I didn't want her to have the surgery, but it sounded so risky to me. Plus she went and gained a bunch of weight just so she could have it done. She also made the comment that she wanted the surgery "to eat the pizza and lose weight too" I was just worried because I was afraid she was going into it with the wrong attitude. The doctor that performed it told her that she had just missed her window for laproscopic surgery so she had to be opened up because he did so many one way then so many the other. That made me nervous. She now has a scar from up on her chest all the way to her pubic bone! She has also started gaining the weight back because she never really changed anything she ate--2 wks after surgery she ate a big beef and bean burrito from Taco bell!

I am not saying that this is you, and this is why people are saying things or not beins supportive--just maybe they are worried about you!

Freindship, that is an interesting topic. I have gained friends because they can relate to me to me as a thinner person. I have people that want to be my friends now because I'm thinner, but they did not like me when I was fat, so I don't want to be their friend now.

I have my "Fat Friends" who I hung out with when I was fat, but now some of them don't want anything to do with me now that I've lost 150 lbs. It's their loss.

My wife and I had the surgery 11 months ago, and life just keeps getting better. I don't know how it could get much better. I went from someone who did not like to have my photo taken to someone who has starred in a commercial that shows on TV several times a day. I was featured in a program that will be on the Style Channel next spring. I look better, feel better, and can now shop for clothes where "Normal" people shop. Yeah it's pretty bad. LOL

John

John,

Your life changing update is very impressive....I can't help but feel excited for you!.... As I know mine will change for the better as well.

Thanks for your encouragement and insight.!!

Keep posting ...

I wanted to say this also. About 6 years ago a friend of mine had gastric bypass. I did the same to her--quizzing her and giving her statistics. Not because I didn't want her to have the surgery, but it sounded so risky to me. Plus she went and gained a bunch of weight just so she could have it done. She also made the comment that she wanted the surgery "to eat the pizza and lose weight too" I was just worried because I was afraid she was going into it with the wrong attitude. The doctor that performed it told her that she had just missed her window for laproscopic surgery so she had to be opened up because he did so many one way then so many the other. That made me nervous. She now has a scar from up on her chest all the way to her pubic bone! She has also started gaining the weight back because she never really changed anything she ate--2 wks after surgery she ate a big beef and bean burrito from Taco bell!

I am not saying that this is you, and this is why people are saying things or not beins supportive--just maybe they are worried about you!

Phowell,

I don't think that is her issue. I have not spoken to anyone else about what the actual surgery is for. And she knows that. A parent is the only one besides her.

Perhaps she is afraid of change...change in our friendship and many people are afraid of change...but she knows I welcome change...she is aware I research things throughly before I choose to buy, use it or consume it. She's even asked me for plenty of advice because I will probably do the research for her;). I have reassured her our sisterly like friendship will not change.

I just don't get it....she hasn't even called me nor emailed me...

but life goes on...I am willing to give her room, space and time to think it through ...our friendship is worth so much more than that...

at the same time I am prepared to continue and show this is what is best for me...and yes I will be hurt...but I will just pray she comes back as a friend... down the road..

The only people who know about my surgery are my siblings and parents. I am not planning on telling my friends just yet. I don't know if I ever will or not. I would hope that my friendships will remain, regardless of my weight. I have been losing weight the past couple months in preparation for surgery and I have gotten nothing but support and well wishes from my friends and I hope that will continue.

The majority of my friends are not overweight, and if they are, they aren't as big as I am and it's not as serious. I do have a few who are though. It will be interesting to see how those relationships play out when I lose a lot more weight. Will I tell them about it, will I not? Will they become jealous?

I just found out that one of those extremely overweight friends of mine who had gastric bypass a few months ago. I am very happy for her and wish her all the best. I haven't told her that I'm getting the band and I wonder if I will ever tell her.

that is great...I know the rest of my friends will be happy and excited and most likely join me on the lifestyle change habits after banding to support me and cheer me on...

just my sisterly like friend...has surprisingly let me down...

now everyone is starting to wonder why we had a downfall...?!:rolleyes

Last nite at my office party, the people I work with was so supportive it was scary. All the initial threats of tempting me when the surgery was initially scheduled a few months ago never materialized. They all kept asking me if I was ok, comfortable, etc, because I wasn't eating all that much. It was so uplifting.

My good friend and I had a fight 3 weeks ago when I didn't go to her b'day party, so she doesn't even know my surgery was scheduled for the 31st.

My best friend is a guy, 6'4" and close to 400 pounds who initially wasn't supportative at all. He is more on board now, as I am getting him into drinking at least one Protein shake a day. But he thinks this is minor surgery and I should be up and back to work and driving the next day.

My Dad has been on board from day 1, and he too a big man. It took Dr. Ren calling my Mom on the phone to bring her 100% on board. My siblings supported the idea but in reality never thought I would go through it. Now they are all stunned I am on day 5 of liquid and will be on liquid for Christmas Eve.

It's so important to have those who are closest to us be supportive. My parent's were actually the ones who initiated the idea of having surgery. Both my parents and siblings are big people. I think all of us on our own decided that we would never do gastric bypass because it seemed to radical of a surgery to all of us.

Then my parents went to a seminar in our area to get info on the lapband. When I heard that they went, I didn't know what the lapband was and I was completely against any type of wls(weight loss surgery) because I assumed bypass was the only kind out there. I was so surprised that they had went to the seminar, knowing their feelings about bypass and I didn't even want to hear about it, it wasn't an option for me and I tried talking them out of it. When I finally decided to listen to them, they explained to me about the lapband and the next week we had a consultation with the doc and as they say...the rest is history. Here I am less than 3 weeks away from surgery and I couldn't be more excited!

Needless to say, my parents and siblings are 120% supportive of the decision.

Hmmm, I have one friend who is remarkable unsupportive. I honestly wish I had never told her about it in the first place. I did not tell too many people, my mom, grandma, husband, and 4 very close friends. With the exception of this one riend everyone has been super about it. I think the unsuportive friend has her own issues and me being 100 pounds overwieght makes it easier for her to feel good about the 50 or so pounds she claims she needs to lose. I dont accept negativity and I look at it as her problem rather than mine. It sucks that I dont want to talk to her too much about it because it iss an exciting journey that Iwant to share with those I am close to. I have not told anyone else in my family because I know they would not understand and I dont feel like explaining and reexpailning and justifying etc over and over again.

...just my dw and pastor. I have also told my older kids and plan to tell the younger ones soon. I have just had so many failures in the past. Major weight loss followed very quickly by even more major weight gain. It's so humiliating (and public). Beyond a small "inner circle" I'm going to play it by ear. One of the great things I have read about the band is that even when people are not strictly following the "rules" they are at least not gaining 5 pounds/week as I do when I am "off the wagon." They seem to maintain or gain/lose just a little.

thanks guys for all your advise and info...

happy holidays!!!

I told my best friend, she's supportive. Aside from that only my family knows. I did tell some people that I was thinking about it, but I don't think I'll confirm it. Not that it is at all on the forefront of my mind, but I was thinking about this last night -- there's this kid I grew up with, that for the longest time I really wanted to be with... and last night I was thinking, what if he were attracted to me after I lose a bunch of weight? And wouldn't that happen in more than one situation? A person who never looked at you that way, that you wished they had, will now? What do you do? Curse them out? Punch them out? Eat them? :-P

what do you guys plan to say when people outside of your inner circle start asking why youre losing weight and how youre doing it? I've told my parents, close aunt, and 3 closest friends, but there really isn't anyone beyond that who I want to know. My best friend asked me what i'm going to say or what she should say if people start asking and I honestly have no idea. I guess I could go with "i've been on a strict diet and have been working out", but i'm sure people will pick up on some things (the liquids and small portions, only a couple drinks when I go out).

Is anyone else in the same boat? I really am not comfortable letting outsiders in on such a big journey in my life, it's personal and a little humiliating. The only reason I told my 3 closest friends is because I knew I could tell them and have the opportunity to explain WHY I was having it. Sure, i'm overweight and I qualify, but this surgery is more than that to me.

I just don't know how i'll handle these questions once they come my way and i'm really interested in what you guys think.

what do you guys plan to say when people outside of your inner circle start asking why youre losing weight and how youre doing it? I've told my parents, close aunt, and 3 closest friends, but there really isn't anyone beyond that who I want to know. My best friend asked me what i'm going to say or what she should say if people start asking and I honestly have no idea. I guess I could go with "i've been on a strict diet and have been working out", but i'm sure people will pick up on some things (the liquids and small portions, only a couple drinks when I go out).

Is anyone else in the same boat? I really am not comfortable letting outsiders in on such a big journey in my life, it's personal and a little humiliating. The only reason I told my 3 closest friends is because I knew I could tell them and have the opportunity to explain WHY I was having it. Sure, i'm overweight and I qualify, but this surgery is more than that to me.

I just don't know how i'll handle these questions once they come my way and i'm really interested in what you guys think.

I plan on telling people I made a lifestyle change. If they press further or seem soncerned about how much I am or am not eating I plan to tell them I am beingmedically surpervised on the diet and have the support of a doc and a nutritionist. Then I dont plan to say andything else! Let them wonder.