Do you expect or have experienced friendship changes?

for the best or for the worst?

I confided in a friend and she was totally against it....at first she said how could I even qualify that I was not big enough..to just try dieting again.....(sort of flattering I guess) but she did not mean it in a nice way....

Now she has tried to come back with rates, statistics that I don't know where she is getting them from and just saying might as well get the RNY bypass....

That is when I realized she must not really know what they lapband system really is.....

oh...and she does NOT have a weight problem.....

do you think it is jealousy...?,...maybe fear.....?....

I am willing to share the spotlight why can't she?

:think

Hurt....:think

what do you guys plan to say when people outside of your inner circle start asking why youre losing weight and how youre doing it? I've told my parents, close aunt, and 3 closest friends, but there really isn't anyone beyond that who I want to know. My best friend asked me what i'm going to say or what she should say if people start asking and I honestly have no idea. I guess I could go with "i've been on a strict diet and have been working out", but i'm sure people will pick up on some things (the liquids and small portions, only a couple drinks when I go out).

Is anyone else in the same boat? I really am not comfortable letting outsiders in on such a big journey in my life, it's personal and a little humiliating. The only reason I told my 3 closest friends is because I knew I could tell them and have the opportunity to explain WHY I was having it. Sure, i'm overweight and I qualify, but this surgery is more than that to me.

I just don't know how i'll handle these questions once they come my way and i'm really interested in what you guys think.

I am definitely in the same boat as you KatieBee. I have only told my close family about my surgery. I don't want to start picking and choosing what friends to tell, and then they tell their spouses, etc. To me, this is a very personal, private matter.

I was thinking about what I would say to people, because they will obvoiusly ask how we lost the weight. I think I will just say that I am eating smaller portions of healthy foods. If they press further, I will just say my doctor and I discussed my health, and we decided on a plan that we both feel would fit my lifestyle (or something like that). I want to let them know it is medically supervised, so I don't get any unwanted advise from people commenting on any aspects of my weight loss or diet (you know there is one in every group). There are no lies in what I am saying. I am just giving out the information I feel comfortable sharing. Maybe one day, I will feel comfortable saying I had the Lap-Band surgery, but for now, I would like to keep it private.

Well my parents are freaking out to me this morning one day before the surgery because I ate a lot of vegetables on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and had a half of a glass of wine Christmas Eve.

They have been reading up on the pre surgical liquid phase and it said "Absolutely no alcohol" and 2 cups of veggies a day.

So now they think I haven't been following it at all so why bother going for the surgery. Mind you, they are taking me, and I am recouperating there.

I told them that I have been in contact with the nutritionist, and she approved everything. My father then says, well I bet it was how you phrased the question. I told him it was all done on email.

I want to forward the emails to them but they are on my office computer, which I won't have remote access to until next week sometime. But I am so angry now.

But in reality, it is probably a good thing I am stressed. When I am stressed I DON'T eat. But hell, I wanted a somewhat calm, relaxing day today.

hey chrisann, don't forget this is YOUR surgery, it's your lifestyle change and your body - remind your parents you're in control and very confident of how you've handled all of your preop stuff.

If you and your nutritionist are on the same page then just give them some time to realize how smoothly things are going. This may just be their way of freaking out over such a big change. Hopefully they'll see how everything is on track and that you're doing a great job!

Don't fall off the tracks - you're almost there :-)

When I was 19 or so, this cute , popular guy was really rude to me. I lost a lot of weight, and when he saw me out dancing with my friends, he totally didn't recognize me. I was completely rude to him, wouldn't dance with or acknowledge him---LOVED IT !!!!!!! Yes, I was $%#ch.

Now, as an "oldie"---well, if someone has been that way towards me due to my weight, well , they're shallow losers, aren't they? I would be polite, distant, cool, and definitely not their friend. Because inside, that person is lacking.

JMHO

Carol in CT

My friendship has changed a little. I have one good friend that was about 10-15 pounds less than me for about 10 years now. Well, now I'm down to about 40 less than her. She makes comments sometimes, and in the beginning would say things. I just ignored them, smiled and would say that I'm scared, or I'm excited. I would just skip over what she said.

Now things are fine, even though for Christmas she brought over a cake and I haven't touched it. She keeps asking if I've eaten any, and I keep telling her no...but I'm sure it's great! :eek: I think she's setting me up, but it also may be the one way that she knows (or used to know) would make me happy - food. And it did. Now that dynamic of our relationship has to change. I can't enjoy it anymore like she can, so we're redefining our friendship and activities.

I think it would change a relationship with a friend if that relationship is built on such things as image. I tried to speak to my very good friend who happens to be also overweight like me about it. I was shocked to hear her put the whole thing down, even though I made it clear that it is the least dangerous of all procedures. I realized later that all her friends other than me are also overweight...I didn't speak of it again. That conversation was one of the main reasons I decided to keep doing the lapband to myself. I am sure that our friendship will suffer once I loose the weight, but I think I will also gain many friendships once I am more approachable with the weight off.

I haven't had it yet, so this may be of no help, but technically you ARE on a strict diet... first off, you don't have to explain anything to anyone, but you can say anything from "I have just changed my lifestyle" to "I have drastically reduced my portions" - and that would explain your little portions... etc. It's not necessarily anyone's business... but you could just say you changed how you eat - which is true.

Hi KatieBee,

My wife has been in the same situation, and now that she has lost over 125 lbs people are starting to ask questions. She just tells most people that she has been on a "Diet". The ones that are really overweight and need help, she tells them about what she did, and gives them my business card. I also work at a Lap Band Surgery center. I have lost over 150 lbs since I started.

John

ok...So I thought it over...and yes...I agree with you guys..it is a very private matter..and I will keep it to myself.

Once I am banded and down the sucess path...I plan to do as Tuono John recommended to the people I know who demonstrate to me truly that it is a cry for help I will give them and intro to the lapband world....

otherwise...

doing portion control...and weight watchers..

and plan on changing the subject if they insist...I shall say..weightwatchers.com check it out!!!

Is it terrible my DH doesn't know the real reason of the band?

ok...So I thought it over...and yes...I agree with you guys..it is a very private matter..and I will keep it to myself.

Once I am banded and down the sucess path...I plan to do as Tuono John recommended to the people I know who demonstrate to me truly that it is a cry for help I will give them and intro to the lapband world....

otherwise...

doing portion control...and weight watchers..

and plan on changing the subject if they insist...I shall say..weightwatchers.com check it out!!!

Is it terrible my DH doesn't know the real reason of the band?

I'm only telling my close family members. I really don't have many friends because I am a stay at home mom and we just moved in Oct. The friends that I do have back home wouldn't be supportive they never have been when it comes to my weight. They are skinny and I'm not and I think they like it that way. I don't know why but oh well.

I know that I will have to figure out what to say when I go on vacations with my husbands family in April because they will be hounding my on why I'm not eating that much.