Here is the deal - I was banded on Sept 13th and have lost 42 lbs. I am just about where I always end up before I fall off the wagon and start sabatoging my success. I have a closet full of clothes that fit again, people are starting to notice, I feel good, - all valid and good reasons to want to continue, but for some reason it becomes my reason to stop.

I know that I need a fill and will be getting one next week, but I feel like I am losing that edge that I had. The determination? I don't know if it is the holidays (not my favorite time of year - childhood issues) or if I just am not meant to succeed.

I saw a picture today of me from this summer and I almost pucked - it was so disgusting. I don't want to go back to those days. I want to live the last half of my life not fighting this fight.

I am open to any suggestions on how to get that determination back -

Newgirl07 - thanks for being so candid - I can so relate to the pain you are feeling as well as that sense of desperation. I have been there many times and was there again when I wrote that post. I got my fill on Monday and just went back to solids today. Being on liquids for two days has helped me get back on track - for today - and has helped reset my willpower - for today. I have used many of the postive words from this thread to help me through the tough time and I hope that you can find inspiration too. This is so worth it. My birthday is also in January. I find that so ironic that you and SpecialK both have January birthdays too. Hang in there and just look at today - not at tomorrow, next week, next month - just today. If we fail, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward. WE CAN DO THIS. I love the thread "I will stay on plan today because" Check it out. It also was very inspiring.

Obviously those that feel this is the "easy way out" has never walked a mile in our shoes, huh? Shame on them.

According to my surgeon, when you reach an weight that you were at for awhile or that is often your lowest while dieting, your body starts producing more gherlin, a hormone that regulates appetite. Since your body wants to keep doing what it has mostly always done, it physically tries to stop the weight loss. Knowing this, I don't feel like a loser when I reach that point. I realize it's not just my emotions, or will power and it gives me motivation to move on. The more I research obesity, the more I realize it is not a character flaw, or laziness on my part. This is so freeing to me. This is the point where a fill helps so much.

After reading what MizPeppy wrote, I had to comment. Sorry for the hijack.

I wish the rest of the world realized that obesity wasn’t a “character flaw”. For the most part we are seen as lazy slobs with no self control or respect. Just as no one strives to be an alcoholic, we didn’t decide one day that we wanted to be obese. Yet people that are alcoholics and drug addicts are seen as having a “disease”, they have organizations (different rehabs, the Salvation Army, etc) that will help them become clean and sober. Where as we are seen as gluttonous and just need to learn to “put down that fork”. There is no one out there that is willing to pay my bills so I can go into rehab to get my obesity in check. This is something that each and every one of us has had to do on our own. And until people realize the obesity is a disease, we will all just have to keep fight the good fight and keep on keeping on.

With that being said, I completely understand wanting to sabotage myself when I get to a certain weight or size. I find myself saying that I can be happy at this weight/size. Then I do a big reality check. At 5 foot even, 184 lbs is not a healthy weight. Heck my goal of 135 is still considered overweight. So I look in my medicine cabinet and take down my diabetic pills (which, since banding, I don’t have to take anymore) and ask myself if I want to go back there again. I already have kidney problems, becoming an insulin dependent diabetic will surly not help with that. Then I will walk down the stair to my basement and walk back up again just so I don’t hear my knees going snap/crackle/pop and how not out of breath I am. My motivation is not in a pant size or number on the scale, it’s my health. I just have to keep reminding myself that and it helps. Granted, when thing get really bad, I do have a sexy nighty that I have put away in a size 10, and I do pull it out as needed also. LOL

coastlgrl,

I hear you! I am in the same situation. I don't think of it as sabotaging ourselves, but rather maybe the novelty has worn off...I am a little tired of my shakes (I hate to admit that). It is almost like I need to take a little hiatus...then start in all over again. I was banded in April and the Holidays really threw me off. I am a little over halfway to goal.

I think a big problem (for me anyway) is the fact that I don't have any weigh-ins anymore. I don't have to go back to the clinic for 6 months, unless I need a fill. Where is the motivation in that?

I really need to be accountable to someone at this crucial time in my journey.

Do you have regular weigh-ins still? I thing that is soooo important.

If you need the acountability why dont you try Weight watchers or something like that? Or make a friend weigh you once a month.

awesome post Barb!

My tendancy to be complacent is WHY I CHOSE THE BAND! If I get to where I'm eating too much.. I will run not walk to my doc and get a fill!

Getting under 174 will be my true test... as I don't remember a time that I was under that weight..........EVER