Over The Shaming

[Sunshine Princess 202]

I’m over society shaming people for being overweight and then when they decide to do something about it that isn’t diet an exercise, shaming them for their decision to “take the easy way out” and have surgery. I am tired of the average Joe or Jane suddenly becoming a nutritionist and a medical provider doling out useless advice we have all heard a million times before. “Just eat less!” “ Exercise more!” “Do Keto!” “Cut carbs!” THANKS NEVER THOUGHT OF IT. The amount of men going in on Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit cover model calling her obese is ridiculous. Dad bods are celebrated but a woman that doesn’t fit the classic American beauty standards are “disgusting.” And it’s always under the guise of “bUt It’S uNhEaLtHy.” No, you just can’t handle a different body type. Don’t sit there and pretend you care about health.

And then the “surgery is the east way out.” Uh no. No it’s not. Not with the amount of consultations and evaluations and testing i needed to undergo. This also was my last resort; i tried for years to lose on my own and couldn’t-not with the over 100 lbs i needed to lose. Add in pre diabetes, PCOS, depression/anxiety and it feels insurmountable. If the general public thinks surgery is the easy way out or thinks it only works for people on My 600 LB Life, they should do the liquid liver shrinking diet for a week and see how long they last. They should undergo the evaluations. They could google the requirements before saying it’s the easy way out.


But it’s easier to sit there and judge because fatphobia is more than acceptable, especially when it comes to women.

[fourmonthspreop 490]

I feeeelll this! My therapist taught me something very helpful lately with my internal locust of control. Everyone has a hula hoop around them and you can only control what's in your hula hoop. If someone is feeling frustrated or heated because they think they know what's best for you, those emotions and thoughts are purely in their hula hoop, not yours. What's not in our hula hoop, we cannot control so we let it go.
I'm 3 months post op, have lost over 80 lbs on this journey and still have more to go. I hear bs from my family all the time about how I'm not doing a b c or d right or I'm just going to go back to my old ways. It use to make me so angry but now I'm starting to realize they're projecting their own emotions and fears onto me but they all exist within their hula hoop, not mine..I can't control what people think or say to me. I can only understand that it's not in my power.

Sent from my SM-G975U using BariatricPal mobile app

[SlimmingLanie 3]

I completely understand. The many times I have brought it up to my mom over the years she tells me all the horrible things that will go wrong, just to diet and exercise, etc. I told my husband that we are NOT telling her before I have it. I just can't have that negativity. Not to mention, she has absolutely no room to talk, but I am not shaming her. Beyond the projecting, people just seem to be up in everyone's business these days. It would be nice not to care what others think, but it is easier said than done. I have to agree, Sunshine Princess, that WLS is definitely not the "easier way out", but for some of us see it as our last real option.

[SleeveToBypass2023 1,486]

OMG I feel this in my soul!!!!! That's why I only told my mom (and of course my husband and kids) and they were all very supportive. And still are. Once I hit 2 weeks post op, I told others. And I detailed the pain, the appointments, the dietary restrictions, the exercise requirements, the "testing new food to see what you like or what hurts to eat", etc... I basically did a word vomit on them and they were like "oh wow, I had no idea it was so painful and involved!" Well, duh. Of course you didn't. You're a size 6 and can eat anything you want and not gain weight lol If you aren't me, and if you haven't walked in my shoes, then of course you wouldn't know. That's why I just educated you AFTER the fact, because I don't need unsolicited advice or platitudes or negativity. I said what I said, I did what I did, and now it is what it is.

Edited May 19, 2022 by SleeveDiva2022

[liveaboard15 1,279]

Its not something i ever let bother me... I personally dont care about other peoples opinions. If they wanna shame me... ok... have fun. I will continue on with my life.

[Tony B - NJ 634]

All this stuff is true. I would however like to give a male point of view. Men who are obese are not "given a pass" as some like to say. I too thought it was more accepted until I lost 100 pounds and it is amazing how differently people treat me since I am now skinny. I am asked if I need help more quickly in department stores, I am addressed more quickly in car dealerships or whatever environment I show up to. I am treated more politely at the doctor/dentist office and the list goes on. The weight discrimination is there for men too.

[Sunshine Princess 202]

4 hours ago, Tony B - NJ said:

All this stuff is true. I would however like to give a male point of view. Men who are obese are not "given a pass" as some like to say. I too thought it was more accepted until I lost 100 pounds and it is amazing how differently people treat me since I am now skinny. I am asked if I need help more quickly in department stores, I am addressed more quickly in car dealerships or whatever environment I show up to. I am treated more politely at the doctor/dentist office and the list goes on. The weight discrimination is there for men too.

I did not mean to minimize the male experience. You are correct, men who are obese arent given a pass and are just as much a target for ridicule as women. I do find that the "dad bod" look is acceptable but women who have an ounce of body fat where it shouldnt belong are considered disgusting.

[Esi 178]

On 5/19/2022 at 10:26 AM, Tony B - NJ said:

I am asked if I need help more quickly in department stores, I am addressed more quickly in car dealerships or whatever environment I show up to. I am treated more politely at the doctor/dentist office and the list goes on. The weight discrimination is there for men too.

So true! At first I thought it was all in my head, but then I noticed people at work who hadn’t ever talked with me (for years) would look my way, smile, strike up a conversation, etc. It’s like they were afraid obesity was contagious, or I was so low that I wasn’t worthy of their attention, or maybe I had finally redeemed myself and deserved to be acknowledged.

And others are even more friendly than in the past, saying “You look great!” I know everyone sees I lost weight, but some people keep their mouths shut and remain professional. *Please don’t comment on my appearance*

I am the same person on the inside. Others’ behavior is abundantly clear. And also I remember who treated me well before the weight loss, no matter how I looked. 😀