*trigger warning* My Dad

[Tatt 39]

*trigger warning if you are scared about gastric bypass this is not a good post to read also it is a long * (admin if I shouldn't have posted this please delete)

I debated long and hard about whether or not to talk about my dad and how he died. I never want to scare anyone and tbh his death wasn't so much because of the gastric bypass he had but rather the prejudice and malpractice of his primary care Dr and the hospital he went to for emergency care.

My dad came into my life when I was 28yrs old. I didn't know I needed a dad honestly. He started dating my mom and considered me part of the package. He protected her, he protected me...no strings attached totally unconditional regardless if I wanted him to or not he was going to be there for me. Turns out even at 28 I needed a dad.

He was 6ft 5", almost 500lbs, tattoos, beard, and a biker. Dad never talked a lot, he preferred actions. If he agreed with something he'd say "No doubt". If he didn't well he'd just shake his head and turn away. He had had 4 heart attacks by the time he had his gastric bypass surgery in 2009, He went down to 190ish lbs.

Everything was great. He did everything he was supposed to do. Crushed his meds, no alcohol, watched his food ..he followed all the rules. Fast forward to July 2021. Dad and mom had split a few years back but he was still my dad. Around July 30th, he started having abdominal pain and couldn't go to the bathroom. He did something he hated to do.. he went to the Dr. The Dr filling in for his Dr took one look him..biker with tattoos wearing a leather jacket and on Medicare and immediately ignored him. He told dad if it was so bad go to the emergency room. So dad did. Hospital er looked at dad...biker with tattoos, wearing a leather jacket and on Medicare and assumed..drug seeker! Told him there was nothing wrong with him. They did no test and sent him home. About 2am on July 31, Dad was in horrible pain and call EMS, they weren't part of the hospital he had gone to earlier, in the ambulance they did an ultrasound on the way to their hospital. One of the paramedics picked up his cell phone and called the first number on it...my mom. They told her to meet them at the hospital, it was bad real bad. She and his biological daughter got to the hospital about the same time. Dr told them there was 3 options...1 take him into surgery immediately ..he would most likely died on the operating table 2. try to get him strong enough to have surgery he would most likely never wake up or 3 give him morphine and let him die. They chose option 3 and less than 30mins later he was gone. So what did a simple ultrasound find? Dad's large intestine had twisted so badly that while he ate, food couldn't get past the twist. Imagine making a balloon animal and twisting the balloon then keep blowing up one side.. the inevitable happened. The food side popped filling his body cavity with food and stomach acid. He didn't have to die. Had the Dr listened, they could have found it and done surgery to fix it. The hospital and the Dr, naturally, claimed no responsibility it was obviously the 12yr old gastric bypass that killed him. I wish I could say they were sued til they cried but dad's biological daughter refused. Me, I wanted their heads on a silver platter but I don't look good behind Iron bars.

My mom isn't very happy that I am having bariatric surgery less than a year after my dad died. She is trying to be supportive but she is scared. I often wonder what advise would he have given me. I got my insurance approval letter in the mail today and said to myself "so this is really going to happen". I swear I heard "No doubt"

Sorry this was so long.

[liveaboard15 1,292]

Wow i am sorry that happened. Thats one thing i hate sometimes is you want to get tested or checked out and they just brush you off. They did that to me last year when i kept having chest pains. I went ahead and took action on my own by going online and purchasing lab orders and imaging orders when my doctor wouldnt. But yea a simple CT Scan at the hospital or even the primary giving him 1 imaging order would have found that quickly and saved him. Again i am sorry that happened

[catwoman7 10,845]

first of all, that was due to malpractice. They should have taken his complaints seriously and done diagnostic work. If they had, he likely would not have died.

Secondly, although bowel obstruction is more common in bariatric patients than it is in "normies", it's still very rare. And normal people can have bowel obstruction, too - my mother-in-law had it a year ago - had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery. She weighs around 110 lbs and has never had bariatric surgery.

that said, I'm very sorry about what happened to your father.

[kcuster83 1,502]

This is sad. I feel for your dad and all of you.

Never stop being your own advocate. Fight for yourself, always!

I was seeing these "black spots" and my Doctor (who did NOT disregard it) had no clue. Sent me to eye doctor, they found nothing, who sent me to an eye nerve doctor who literally stated that I was hallucinating in my file because i "smoked POT". My doctor called and worked with a disease doctor, thought maybe limes disease. Saw 2 more specialists. Finally to the Neurologist. The first thing he said after going over all the details is "your Brain controls it all, why wouldn't they have started there?" Sent me for a MRI, had a bacterial infection in my brain. Had lesions covering almost half of my brain, right on the field of sight area. I was literally going blind. 2 Months afteer the MRI and heavy meds, I am perfectly fine, no sign of lesions or and deficiency in sight. MRI every 6 months for 4 years and then cleared. Took 6 months to figure it out.

My doctor never gave up but some of the specialist he sent me too basically told me nothing is wrong and I am crazy.

[Queen ApisM 426]

This is so incredibly sad. My heart goes out to you. The medical community often discounts patients based on their biases - if you are woman, your age (too old or too young), if you are a person of color, if you look different, if you are overweight, whatever it may be that doesn't fit their perfect mindset.

At my heaviest, I started having difficulty walking without losing breath. My dad had congestive heart failure, so I freaked out and went to urgent care. The lady tried to tell me it was allergies. Allergies! My legs were swollen, which is one symptom, but that had also been happening for a very long time (previously disclosed to primary, who told me to 'put my feet up more') due in part to my blood pressure meds. Still, allergies was what I was told. No instinct to look further and consider that this was something serious, esp given family history. Fast forward to a month later, allergy meds aren't helping, and I go to my primary. I had to meet with the PA, and some random student assistant. The assistant told me I needed to exercise more. You know, when I can't breathe walking down the hallway - when I typically could do a 45 min hard workout with a trainer, even at nearly 400 lbs - I should totally be getting to the gym to deal with that not breathing thing. They then tried to tell me it was anxiety. My EKG was fine, other than a high heart rate, but they referred me to a cardiologist because of my family history.

Cardiologist was appalled by everyone and the fact no one took me seriously. He did, and we quickly realized I have dilated cardiomyopathy. He got me on a great med regimen and after a few tough months, I saw rapid improvement. He was the one who really pushed me to consider WLS, though he gave me time to get there emotionally and mentally. I lost weight on my own after all this happened, but couldn't keep it off, which is why I am where I am now. Thank goodness for that man. I'd be dead without him, because no one was listening when I knew something was very wrong.

[Dave In Houston 199]

From what I understand, my weight loss surgeon wants to see me once a year for the rest of my life. I'm going to the 1-year post-op visit today. So I'll always have a doc to call if I need one.

[Tatt 39]

Thank you everyone for your condolences as well as your personal stories. It is scary how much a health care professional's ideas on who is what plays a role in whether or not they blow you off or listen. I agree we have to advocate for ourselves and often pray we get doctors who listen.

[SleeveToBypass2023 1,795]

So I have MS. My mother has MS. I started showing signs when I was 39. I went to the doctor, was spasming right in front of me, and he told me it was nothing. I told him I wanted an MRI since I spoke to my mother and she said her symptoms and a MRI are how she was diagnosed. My doctor told me he wasn't going to order needless tests just to satisfy my need for attention. I called my husband into the room and went through it again with the doctor who repeated everything. My husband literally lost his mind on the doctor. So finally the doc said "Ok, fine, if it'll shut you up, I'll order the MRI. But your insurance isn't going to be happy, and you may end up paying for it anyway since they likely won't find anything." I begged for muscle relaxers and I was told no. Fast forward to the MRI and I was spasming the whole time I was in there. Get the results a few days later and MS was confirmed. 29 lesions on my brain, 5 black holes (permanent damage to my central nervous system), 4 lesions on my neck spine, and 6 on my chest spine. Once those results were sent to the doctor, his response was "oh, good. I'm glad you got answers." I was LIVID. My husband and I reported him and he was disciplined and I got a new doctor, who I now love.

[STLoser 1,085]

I am so sorry for your loss.. Your dad sounds like such a wonderful man and I had tears in my eyes reading this.
As a nurse, I learned early on to never judge someone based on their looks and to listen to my patients. Obviously, none of these people did that in your dad's case and if they had they could have saved his life. I am so sorry you and your family had to experience this.

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