Whoever said "It's always darkest before the dawn" must have had February in mind.

It's a bleak and dreary month, here in the frozen wasteland that is the Middle of the Mitten. February broods over a grey/white landscape, sending alternating waves of sub zero cold and just above freezing slush attacks. The February land is awash with dull sloppy half ice, and a stark and angry sky as grey as ashes, as grey as death.

Here life waits, suspended, somewhere between true winter and a faint promise of spring. February is the angry month, short and sullen, when daylight is as rare as diamonds, and shines like gold.

Here and now I find myself, at 306 pounds au naturale, about three twelve when decently clad. Fifty six pounds down from my starting weight. Respectable.

I can feel it slowing, and as the stress of my life, and the blahs of winter take hold of my spirit, I quietly rejoice that I have my band. I eat. I over eat. I eat unwisely. Too fast. Too much. Too often. Yet now I have a gentle and forgiving friend who stops me short. The band controls my body, and gives me the chance I need to control my mind, and my mental hunger.

And it is helping. Each day there is some victory, however small. I can forego the cherry crisp at work, and only eat the lean turkey. And I rejoice that it's okay. The siren song of food grows less intense. Yes, there are times it flares. There are times that chocolate sings my name, so gently, so sweetly...........no lover could call me softer. But, sometimes, just sometimes, I win. One victory is more than I ever knew pre band. Now I stack them up. Several a day. Many in a week.

Not all steps are foreward. Yet not all travel is backward. Sliding down a slippery slope of fat while I throw comfort in my pie hole with both hands, every moment of every day, is now a thing of the past. However good or ill I do in this journey, I have improved on the old me.

We're not working on a better body. We're not working on a healthier lifestyle. We're trying to journey to a better us.

And all this drivel, this diarrhea of words, leads up to my next weapon loaded into my arsenal. Thursday I get a fill. Yippeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yippeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so sweet LOL

Whipple This is great. I love how you can word things and it takes you to another place. A moment of life and feelings are captivated in your words and in our hearts.

Good luck with the fill ! You will continue to find the better you!

you sure can express yourself, that was great!

Ryan, you have done amazing!! Especially with everything that's been going on in your life. Keep up the great job!:banana

Awesome loss Ryan! I hope the fill is just what the Dr ordered!

Great job Ryan, good luck with your fill!

WTG, Ryan!!! Congrats on the loss and lots of luck with the fill!

Whoo hooo!! First fill!!!

56 pounds!!

Ryan, you rock!!

And February, as stark as it can be, is the month designated for warmth and love and visits by a naked cherub carrying a bow and arrow... It is the month of chocolate, and kisses, and anticipation of Spring. The month of preparation for a new season, a new opportunity, a renewed commitment to life and living. Butterflies must go through a period of stasis before they become their most beautiful selves... February is our chrysalis - protected stage of development... the dark before the most beautiful of dawns...

Plus, I was born in February, so how bad can it be???

exactly! It is the month of birthday presents!

I have found that since moving to ID, that Feb isn't so bad... In Seattle, Feb is the heart of the rainy season that startes in late September and ends in early July....

SE ID doesn't seem to HAVE a rainly season.

But all that said, W-Daddy, you are most eloquent!

Ryan,

Phenomenal success! Way to go and it will only get better from here! Congrats on your weight loss and upcoming fill.

Take care!

Tricia