I had gastric bypass on 5/14 and as of this morning I have lost 54 pounds! A total of 64 pounds if you include the weight lost before my surgery...my issue is that people are starting to notice and ask questions...I have no regrets for having my surgery nor am I ashamed of the surgery...but when people ask how I lost the weight I freeze and tell them that I’ve been eating healthier and exercising regularly (which is true). But then after the conversation is over I feel guilty for not being 100% honest about how the weight is really coming off.
I know this is my business and I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I’ve always prided myself on my honesty. So this is new territory for me because I feel like I’m lying to people.
A few friends, coworkers and close family members know about my surgery. so I feel like with so many people knowing, it’s bound to come out eventually...and I’m nervous to get called out on my lies.
I guess what I’m asking is if anyone else has kept their surgery a semi-secret? And if this guilty feeling will go away?

I have told three people (besides my wife who was present and three weeks later had the procedure herself). I too just say I’m making better food choices and exercising more. When I told my kids i was having surgery i said “I’m having another surgery that will hopefully help ease my back pain, they’re going to remove some excess tissue” (been in horrible pain for almost 4 years now. Two legit back surgeries and countless injections with no help). I ended up telling my oldest son the whole truth recently and he paused.... then laughed and said “everything you told me was true!” I only have him weekends and he’s starting to get....ahem.... husky... so when he’s with me he now follows my diet and goes on walks with me.. also told my mom and a sister I didn’t know i had until an AncestryDNA kit revealed a long held secret at the age of 43 (I’m like a walking Mory Povich episode, just without the yelling).... I honestly don’t care who knows I’m just not that social to begin with and own a small business where it’s me and my wife 99% of the time so I have really no one left to tell. She is keeping it from her family because they’re some of the most judgmental $&@%#s i know...

I, too, consider myself to be a very honest person. I am a terrible liar, so I feel like I can't get away with anything but the truth. But I haven't told ANYONE, not even my family, that I had weight loss surgery, and I don't intend to. That is personal medical information and it's nobody's business. The only people who know are medical professionals. There is a lot of judgment in this world about weight and WLS. It's ironic because the same people who openly criticize fat people also don't like it when fat people choose the only method of weight loss with more than 10% long-term effectiveness to lose weight. We just can't win!

I'm not sure what will happen if/when people start noticing I've lost weight. I've actually lost more than 80 pounds already (most of it before surgery) and nobody has noticed because I was so big to begin with that I'm still really big even after this much weight loss. It will probably be a few more months before anyone notices. I only took a week off from work for my surgery, so I'm not sure if anyone will make the connection. Everyone saw me eating salads for lunch for several months before surgery, so maybe they will just assume I've been on a diet. Because of COVID-19, most people are working from home and we aren't having team lunches, so nobody has seen what I'm eating lately. I will probably be able to eat a small salad by the time we have another team lunch.

I am known for being a very private person, so I hope that means that my coworkers will know better than to ask me about my weight. They talk all the time about diet, exercise, and weight, and I never take part in these discussions. I am also very careful never to comment on anyone's body in the workplace, so nobody dares to say anything about mine (at least not in front of me, although I have heard them say things behind my back). My preliminary plan if anyone asks (a) how I'm losing weight or (b) if I've had WLS is to act shocked and say, "Wow, that's a personal question."

I think it will be harder to hide from my family, but I don't see them very often. They've seen me yo-yo diet over the years, so it might not be a big shock to them, although I've lost more weight by now than I ever have on previous diets. I am hoping my mom will assume that I wouldn't have had surgery without telling her, and if other family members ask her, she will say that she doesn't think I had surgery.

On 08/10/2020 at 13:00, BigSue said:

I, too, consider myself to be a very honest person. I am a terrible liar, so I feel like I can't get away with anything but the truth. But I haven't told ANYONE, not even my family, that I had weight loss surgery, and I don't intend to. That is personal medical information and it's nobody's business. The only people who know are medical professionals. There is a lot of judgment in this world about weight and WLS. It's ironic because the same people who openly criticize fat people also don't like it when fat people choose the only method of weight loss with more than 10% long-term effectiveness to lose weight. We just can't win!

I'm not sure what will happen if/when people start noticing I've lost weight. I've actually lost more than 80 pounds already (most of it before surgery) and nobody has noticed because I was so big to begin with that I'm still really big even after this much weight loss. It will probably be a few more months before anyone notices. I only took a week off from work for my surgery, so I'm not sure if anyone will make the connection. Everyone saw me eating salads for lunch for several months before surgery, so maybe they will just assume I've been on a diet. Because of COVID-19, most people are working from home and we aren't having team lunches, so nobody has seen what I'm eating lately. I will probably be able to eat a small salad by the time we have another team lunch.

I am known for being a very private person, so I hope that means that my coworkers will know better than to ask me about my weight. They talk all the time about diet, exercise, and weight, and I never take part in these discussions. I am also very careful never to comment on anyone's body in the workplace, so nobody dares to say anything about mine (at least not in front of me, although I have heard them say things behind my back). My preliminary plan if anyone asks (a) how I'm losing weight or (b) if I've had WLS is to act shocked and say, "Wow, that's a personal question."

I think it will be harder to hide from my family, but I don't see them very often. They've seen me yo-yo diet over the years, so it might not be a big shock to them, although I've lost more weight by now than I ever have on previous diets. I am hoping my mom will assume that I wouldn't have had surgery without telling her, and if other family members ask her, she will say that she doesn't think I had surgery.

Only my husband and my mom know out of my family...I know it has been hard on my mom not being able to talk to anyone about my surgery or my success this far through my journey but she understands how personal and private I am about it. I have always been the heaviest person on both my moms and my dads side of the family...but they all have seen me doing the yo-yo diets as well. So I’m just hoping they assume that I’m on another one of my “health kicks” as they like to call them....I doubt I’ll see any of them until thanksgiving anyways so I still have some time to think of scenarios or questions they may have and how I will respond to them.
A year ago I was with one of my closest friends (who is also on the heavier side) and we saw a girl we went to high school with who had the gastric bypass a few years ago and I made the comment “wow she looks amazing” to which my friend responded with “yeah she had that surgery done. I’d look amazing too if I could take the easy way out.” And i said “I don’t think there is an easy way out. Losing weight is hard regardless of how you do it.” And she just rolled her eyes. I was just starting my journey back then and I developed this weird complex from her pettiness.

Honestly I don’t believe you owe anyone an explanation and if you choose to keep it simple, that’s your prerogative. If you choose to explain, that’s your choice too.

I have also chosen to keep it to myself with very few exceptions.

Aside from not wanting to hear people’s opinions pre-op I also didn’t want to be the poster child for WLS afterwards. I didn’t want the constant questions, tbh.

I also worried about failure. I didn’t want to fail and have to be the poster child of wls failure either.

As I am almost a year out now I am feeling more comfortable. I have recently told someone who struggles with weight and was asking/complimenting me each time she saw me. I finally told her because I felt it would help her. Funny thing is she said SHE had had vsg a few years ago (prior to her joining our company) but has gained a lot back.

It is very interesting all the different feelings we each have about this... all of it personal.

I see and have experienced both sides. back when i had my Lapband i thought i would only tell a few people. Well we all know that a lot of people have trouble keeping things to themselves. I worked with about 500 women in a major freight company and if one knows.... they all know. At first, i said... i'll only tell my husband, a few close friends and a few family members..... I would say... i'm eating right and exercising... Which were both the truth. After about a year, more and more people knew. I no longer worked at that place. So then when people said.... hey i heard you had WLS, i would come clean and say yes. I had a few that made remarks that i took the "easy" way out. Or they would do the look... you know the up and down scan with the judgmental eyes. 89lbs later and i stopped caring. 2017 the band came out.... 8/28/2019 i chose to get sleeved (173lbs). This time i told NO ONE except my husband. My co-workers only know that i took a couple of days to have a hernia repaired (which was true). They also know that i had started losing last year for my upcoming wedding (9/26/2019).... I lost 20lbs by the wedding date. They also knew that i had started Crossfit... It has been almost a year and i'm down 52lbs. Co-workers say, you need to stop losing. Neighbors say if you lose anymore you'll blow away.... I just say, i feel great, and leave it at that.

100%.... prefer the not telling.