I am feeling very emotional about the thought of what things will be like after I have my surgery. I don’t want my wife to suffer and be unhappy because she is hungry and just trying to be supportive. We enjoy our sitting down and having breakfast and lunch together. Most of the time we meet somewhere out to eat. I feel like we may lose something together that we like. I hope that we can still do this and she can eat her meal and hopefully I can just have a little and be content. It is the social part and just spending the time together that I am concerned about losing. I don’t want her to be unhappy.

I am feeling very emotional about the thought of what things will be like after I have my surgery. I don’t want my wife to suffer and be unhappy because she is hungry and just trying to be supportive. We enjoy our sitting down and having Breakfast and lunch together. Most of the time we meet somewhere out to eat. I feel like we may lose something together that we like. I hope that we can still do this and she can eat her meal and hopefully I can just have a little and be content. It is the social part and just spending the time together that I am concerned about losing. I don’t want her to be unhappy.

I feel you on this. Much of my identity and my relationship with my husband seems to revolve around food. I love to bake and going out to eat, we talk about food all the time. He only eats meat, complex carbs, fruit and sugar. I'm terrified of the strain this surgery could put on our relationship. I just started this process but after thinking about it for over 6 months, I feel confident that 1. I need to do it. 2. My husband and I are going to need to go to therapy to deal with this in a healthy manner. We are going to need to hash out some game plans for tackling several food related issues together so we avoid creating a hole in our marriage. I with you the best of luck on this journey.

I worried about how family get together’s would work out. They so often center around food. One thing that really helps is to remember the rules. 1) no drinking with your meal. When eating out, I order a large class of unsweetened tea and sip it while the other folks have appetizers(our NUT advised stopping fluids 5 minuets before meal- some are different),I usually need the fluids anyway. 2 Chew your food thoroughly, put your fork down between bites. Nobody will notice if you aren’t eating that way. Especially if you are the life of the party, keeping conversation going. 3. Order grilled meat/seafood and veggies. Eat your protein first, then your vegetables. You may fall off the wagon occasionally, but not very fall and nothing you can’t recover from.

Good Advice PHARLOW, I believe your d t e PS c will wirk?

My wife was very supportive. She is the one who came up with the idea of surgery in the first place. Because I eat so little during meals, it really translates to more time available to talk (socialize) on my part.

I was really nervous about this before surgery too because my husband and I are much the same way. I'll be honest that it was a little rough for us during the first couple of months but we were able to figure it out. I do a lot of what PHARLOW recommended. And we have just adjusted dinners at home to always include something I can eat - and his portion size is just bigger or includes a side that I don't eat. And like James said, I have far more time now to socialize and focus on my husband, family or friends instead of being 100% focused on the food.

10 hours ago, tgargano said:

I am feeling very emotional about the thought of what things will be like after I have my surgery. I don’t want my wife to suffer and be unhappy because she is hungry and just trying to be supportive. We enjoy our sitting down and having Breakfast and lunch together. Most of the time we meet somewhere out to eat. I feel like we may lose something together that we like. I hope that we can still do this and she can eat her meal and hopefully I can just have a little and be content. It is the social part and just spending the time together that I am concerned about losing. I don’t want her to be unhappy.

I LOVE eating out - and we also as a family do those Healthy Fresh meals at least 3 times a week - and breakfast - my husband loves making breakfast and we always sit down as a family to eat.

Know what's changed since my surgery? Nothing. We still eat out, we still prepare Healthy Fresh meals 3 times weekly, he still makes breakfast on the weekends and we sit down as a family - I just eat less.

And we save money! Because I eat less, we order one entree at dinner - I take my 3-4 ounces and he eats the rest. And for Healthy Fresh? We only need to order for 2 (instead of 4) because there's plenty of food for 3 people out of the two servings with me taking my 3-4 ounces - and for breakfast, I just eat less.

He doesn't feel bad that I'm eating less. In fact, he and my son have begun picking up my healthy habits - eating proteins first, not drinking with meals, eating on smaller plates. It's a lifestyle change for the whole family.

Your wife will not suffer. Her hunger has nothing to do with yours. You won't be hungry - at least not for a long while. You will eat, but you won't feel like you want to...

This is a good thing...believe me (My surgery was March 5th).

Roxine

Exactly what @Roxine said. It's more important to make this a lifestyle change and embrace it rather than mourning a food fest. Your health is more important than this 'food bonding' notion. You should seek counseling separate and then as a couple to address food relationships before the surgery. This is something YOU absolutely can master, and ot is worth the effort. Good luck.

12 hours ago, tgargano said:

I am feeling very emotional about the thought of what things will be like after I have my surgery. I don’t want my wife to suffer and be unhappy because she is hungry and just trying to be supportive. We enjoy our sitting down and having Breakfast and lunch together. Most of the time we meet somewhere out to eat. I feel like we may lose something together that we like. I hope that we can still do this and she can eat her meal and hopefully I can just have a little and be content. It is the social part and just spending the time together that I am concerned about losing. I don’t want her to be unhappy.

First of all, everything after surgery will be an adjustment but then it becomes 2nd nature, normal to you. My whole family revolves around food. We get together to eat, and happen to socialize. At first eating out or with other people felt awkward. I felt impatient waiting for everyone to finish their meals. I felt uncomfortable sitting and watching everyone eat after I finished my very small portion. It was uncomfortable to have the questions from family and friends about what I can eat, the amazement about how small of an amount that I do eat now. But things wind down, and people get used to the new you. And you get used to the new you.

I have a very thin husband, and he doesn't need to loose any weight. He eats like crap. I still buy him crap foods. If it was pre surgery, it would have bothered me that he would eat a half dozen cookies in front of me. But now, I don't think twice about it. I know that I can't eat those things. I don't want to eat those things. My progress is such a huge motivator. I tell you this because, it goes to show how our thought processes change after surgery.