Over the years, I’ve really struggled and if am truthful didn’t fully follow through with any diet I tried. I can make excuses that I was always hungry, or they were too restrictive, or they didn’t make me feel good but in the end, I didn’t complete any diet until I lost the weight. My husband and I have had a LOT of issues over the years which we have gone to therapy for and I really thought things were getting better. One of the issues has been my weight and he has said some things I feel really hurt about over the years. “Our daughter is going to graduate from high school with you still having that baby weight” said for the first time when she was 5, she’s 9 now. Things like how uncomfortable he was because I was the biggest mom at the party in a size 16/18. How I’m really wide and it makes me look really big. When we were working through therapy he told me he said those things out of anger and didn’t mean them.

It took me a lot to convince him that WLS was the best option for me so I wanted to include him in every step and hold myself accountable to someone because it costs a lot of money. Last night as I was preparing to begin my pre-op diet I told him my starting weight if 246. He said whatever he can do to support me to let him know and I said thank you. That I was ashamed of where I had gotten but I really felt this was going to work. For some reason that got to him and the next thing I know, in a span of 10 minutes he told me I was a quitter for failing all the diets before, I lied to him for years by saying I would lose the weight and then not managing to do it and I was putting my responsibility to lose my weight on someone else by having surgery and if I didn’t have the surgery, it’s a fact our daughter would graduate from high school with me still having the “baby fat” or worse. This is after I told him that the statement about the baby fat was one of the most hurtful statements he had ever said to me. He told me it’s my fault for letting those things hurt me because they are 100% factual. Even if they were which I can’t see how they are as my daughter is only in 3rd grade, I feel he was cruel.

I am completely honest with myself that I failed but I don’t think I’m a quitter when I’m 2 weeks away from a surgery that will help with my hunger issues. I also know I’m still responsible for what happens after because this is a life style change and the way I eat will change forever. I’ve prayed and feel so much that this is the right decision for me.

I just feel absolutely demoralized by the things he has said and he tried ending the conversation by saying he meant it to be positive and he is here for me but doesn’t want me to make excuses. I will call my therapist and set up an appointment but I really needed to get this off my chest this morning as I woke up so full of pain.

To anyone else who has struggled with diet after diet and pill after pill, you are NOT a quitter! WLS is a tool that will help with a lot of the issues which made us unsuccessful before but the fact you are still trying should make you proud. And no matter what we may feel about ourselves on the outside, may we all learn not to let that define who we are because we are so much better than that!

Thanks for letting me share. My heart feels a little lighter.

Thanks again to everyone! What a difference sharing makes for the soul! I did call and set up a therapist appointment, once each for the next two weeks and we can go from there. My husband has a lot of issues but he had been going to therapy and stopped a little over a month ago. It’s not a miserable every day life but I feel the things he has said about my weight are plain cruel and abusive while he sees them as facts. I’m very grateful my daughter has not heard the things he has said to me. I never want her to feel the way I have felt over the years and recently in regards to my weight due to the things he has said. I’m on day 2 of my pre-op diet and truly feel good. I am excited and can’t wait for April 5th. With or without him, I know I will be successful with this and see an improvement in my health. And if I happen to look like a totes hottie at the end, so be it! The people in this forum, including each of you, are amazing and I’m am extremely grateful to have the support I need! I hope I have the opportunity to pay it forward. Have a great day everyone!

Just do what the doc and RD say. Follow the rules. Don't cheat even a little and get to your goal as quickly as possible!!!!! Make "Failure is NOT an Option!!!!" And ingrained word. Do NOT be the girl who never reaches goal. Seriously. Don't be that girl. ((hugs))

Statistically, 85% of people who have weight loss surgery get divorced within the first few years after surgery.
Someone here said their surgeon told them it makes a good marriage better, and a bad marriage worse.
How to put this eloquently?
Your husband sounds like an abusive jerk and you should have left him long ago. Why haven't you?
I think he's scared to death you'll succeed. Which is why he sabotages you and tries to make you feel like dirt.
Yes, his mental health issues are pitiable. But at this point he cares so little for your welfare he's trying to derail your efforts to take charge of your health due to his insecurity.
Your post is written by a downtrodden broken person who takes the blame for everything. I don't think that's who you are or who you want to be. It's who he's made you become.
Your daughter is watching. Every time he hurls caustic insults...she gets used to that being ok. It's not ok. And it's a terrible example. Do you want her to end up with a guy who treats her like that? Of course you don't.
Have the surgery. Stick to your plan.
Get rid of this jerk. Have a happy life with someone who respects you.
You're stronger than you think.

Creekimp - what you said all of it.
Years ago my (ex) husband bought me six outsize choc bars home from Switzerland. I ate them. Every last crumb and was sick with guilt over my lack of restraint.
When out with friends at that time he said to them...”she wonders why she’s fat - you should see how much chocolate she ate last week!” Didn’t mention who bought it. I curled up in shame.
It’s hard to be around this and hold on to the truth. But you’re doing a thing which is both brave and hard. It is not an easy way, it’s a tool, and there’s hard work ahead.
I’m just at the stage now where I’m hitting maintenance and with it a heap of new and painful challenges. But I have a therapist and friends and I’ll get there.
So will you.
Be the best you can be. That’s the lesson to teach your daughter xxx