Okay, this is going to be long, but I need to tell someone or I'm going to go crazy. Yesterday afternoon, I had a message from my ex-husband. He said some detectives went to his work and asked him to come in for questioning. He said he didn't know what he was accused of and wanted to know if I had anything to do with it.. Well, I don't. My brother works with him, so I thought I'd try to call him to get some information on what was going on. My brother didn't know anything, and said all their co-worker's were speculating whether I had anything to do with it. (My ex and I had major problems -custody/divorce-but over 11 years ago). I tried calling him back to no response, well, I called the jail and sure enough he had been arrested. When I asked what the charges were they said he had been accussed of sexual assault on a minor over 12 yrs of age under 18. I thougth my heart was going to pop out of my chest. I could not believe what I heard. I called his sister and she proceeded to try and explain to me what was going on. Sorry this is long, well, she said that 3 wks ago his step-daughter who is 13 was discovered missing in the middle of the night. He and his wife called the police and she was later found at some boys house. Well, they brought her home (my ex apparently had an anxiety attack over this) and all her privileges were removed (phone, friends, etc.) she was grounded. Well, later that week the girl and him has more problems and he threatened to hit her and she said that she would call the cops on him.. He then apparently went to the sheriff's office to tell them he was having a hard time disciplining her and that he had threatened to spank her but was afraid of getting in trouble with the law. The person he spoke to said that if he is married to her mother and he is supporting her he could spank, but no beat (in so many words). Well, then yesterday, these allegations come up.. I don't know exactly what she is saying he did. I don't know what to think.. I have a 12 year old daughter with this man. I'm devasted for my daughter. If he is guilty, he commited a serious offense and needs to be punished. I pray to God that this girl is just making this up and that it will all get cleared up. I hope he didn't do it, but what if he did?? From what I've seen, this girl is treated just like his own, he does just as much for her as he does for my daughter. She calls him daddy and apparently had a good relationship with him. What am I going to tell my little girl? If he did do this, I can't trust him with my daughter anymore. Bit they have an awesome relationship, she is daddy's girl and would be devastated. What if he goes to jail?? I am going crazy here. There are so many what if's.. Meanwhile, today, I called and he is still in jail waiting to go before the judge. This morning I talked to my daughter and told her that I talked with her aunt last night and that she told me about this girl running away. (My daughter is very private and never brings or takes any problems/gossip from or to her two homes) I didn't want to tell her about her dad this morning and have her sit in school all day and worry about it. I just am at a loss of what I should do to tell her and help her get through this. And if he is guilty, I have to wonder if he has ever tried to do anything to my little girl (I'll kill him if he has). I'm just rambling now, I know he loves her and would never do that. My gut tells me he is not guilty, but I can't stick my hands in the fire for him. Please pray for my little girl and for me, this is just a bit more than I can handle. My life is already falling apart.

Mariposa - You and your entire extended family are in my thoughts and prayers. I feel for what you are going through. Not being in that household there is just no way for you to know what was really going on much less any of us.

I agree with everyone. All you can do is be there for your daughter. Try to support her as best you can. Another avenue for outside help may be CASA though I'm not sure if they would get involved since she is not a direct party to the allegations. Still they are a great resource.

Sticking my neck out ever further I'd say no matter how much you may grow to believe in his innocence (or guilt) as a his ex you need to stay as clear of his case as you possibly can. Support your daughter's support or lack of support of him wholeheartedly but don't get sucked into the middle of the actual legal proceedings. Longterm I just can't see any good coming of that.

Not that I'm suggesting you would or that I have any grounds for giving this advice. I'm sure you will handle this the best it can be under the circumstances. We are all here for you.

I spoke with my daughter and explained what was going on. She said she believes her sister is lying and said that her dad would never do that. She said her sister is just mad, because she was being really bad and got caught. She also confirmed what her dad said about her sister threatening him and him following up with the police as to her threats.. So that makes me feel better about the situation. Sounds to me like this teenage girl is lying.. For her sake and my daughter's, I hope it is all a lie. I did explain the seriousness of this and told her it would take a while to get this staightened out. She was very upset, but handled it well. Her dad called me yesterday and tried to explain things to me. I asked him if he did this and he denied it. He said he loves this girl as if she were her own and was very upset to find out she has been sneaking out to meet boys (plural). He said his wife was not helping the situation by being too liberal and not letting him impose rules/consequences for the girl. He said he is afraid that his daughter will make incorrect choices that will ruin her life. He said even though he is not guilty he was very afraid, because the detectives that interrogated him told him that that an accusation was enough to find him guilty.. And that no evidence was necessary to convict someone of this. They asked him if he would be willing to take a lie detector test and he said yes, that he wanted to prove his innocence. Well the detective said, so your a smart ass that thinks he can beat the test?? He said he told him no, he just knows he would never do that to a child especially his own.. He was able to bond out and is getting an attorney to help him. He wanted to tell me more about his problems with his wife, but I told him I don't care about that. The only thing I care about is how this will affect my little girl. If he is convicted that will change her life and that is what scares me. She loves her dad to death and she would be devastated if he wasn't in her life anymore. Please keep us in your prayers.

*HUGS*

good Luck

well what was the final outcome? was he guilty? innocent? oh I need to know......i pray for your little girls sake he was innocent....

If it is true, then your daughter is going to need some counselling as much as the other girl. If it isn't true, then the other girl has a few serious problems and should have counselling. Either way, its going to be necessary if there's a trial.

My father went to jail for allegedly raping a woman with whom he was involved. My dad is a pillar in our community. It was--without a doubt---THE hardest thing I've ever been through in my life.

Please, keep a close eye on your daughter. I was an adult when it happened to my father but it was still tremendously traumatic. Support her, let her express herself and grieve in her own way. She's old enough to get it. She'll need you to help her through this difficult time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. My dad had a 3 week trial. He was found not guilty of every charge. I still have the panic feeling when I see tv programs that involve jails. I don't think it's something you ever get over.....Be strong and keep the lines of communication with your daughter open. Be sure to remind her you're there for her--for anything she needs. If anything inappropriate ever happened to her, she'll be more likely to open up to you. Be well....

Hello All, I have not been on the site in a very long time and today while checking my email I noticed this thread had some recent postings.

Well, fortunately all this got resolved. Of course it took $50,000+ in legal fees from my ex to help him prove his innocence. In the end the girl admitted she had lied, but not after she caused so much greif for so many. My ex lost his new home and had to move to a smaller rental he owned and he is indebted and struggling with having that added financial burden. But I'm just glad that he was able to prove his innocence for my daughter's sake. He is a terrific dad to her and she loves him very much and would have been devastated if the outcome had been different.

This is a disputable statement though I do recognise where you are coming from. You are using the argument that if my mum felt the same way that I do I would not be here at this point in time. This is true. I would not be here but so what? While my life has been and still is important to me and while it is true that I have found my life to be both interesting and entertaining the significance and value of my life really is kinda subjective.

I have not gone on to have children and so there is no genetic contribution from this source. Nor have I made any major intellectual or artistic contributions to the wealth of mankind. Few of us do.

Had my mother opted not to have children I would not have existed in the first place and therefore I could not have been robbed of anything by her choice to opt out of parenthood.

Please do not misunderstand me. I think that it is a fine thing when women who want to have children are able to have them. It's just that I feel that some of the arguments which are trotted out in order to support this position really are not fair to those women who do not want to have children. In fact I think these arguments may be kind of judgemental.

I guess I find myself an old hand at this discussion. You see, I am 58 years old, I am straight, and yet I always knew that I never wanted to marry, settle down, and have kids. I just knew that this was wrong for me. And I knew that this was true when I was still very small, long before I became a teenager.

wait a minute here.. the original poster came here for support, not for people to fight over they should or shouldn't have wanted kids. I find this quite offensive. Yes I'm an anti-abortion person, but I seriously have doubts any one here gives a crap about the original poster anymore.

Original poster... My prayers are with you, and I hope you seriously consider counselling for your daughter and yourself.

Teri

Green, don't worry the world isn't hurting for population so don't feel bad. I don't feel bad at all that I'm 33 with no children. I'm probably doing this world that is over populated a favor.

Hello All, I have not been on the site in a very long time and today while checking my email I noticed this thread had some recent postings.

Well, fortunately all this got resolved. Of course it took $50,000+ in legal fees from my ex to help him prove his innocence. In the end the girl admitted she had lied, but not after she caused so much greif for so many. My ex lost his new home and had to move to a smaller rental he owned and he is indebted and struggling with having that added financial burden. But I'm just glad that he was able to prove his innocence for my daughter's sake. He is a terrific dad to her and she loves him very much and would have been devastated if the outcome had been different.

This whole situation is so sad from beginning to end. I don't know how he could ever forgive her for causing so much damage to his life - and almost ruining it completely. (I wouldn't.)