The closer I get to my 2 week pre-op (Sept. 5th) the more I think about the life changes I am about to commit to,,,for life. I am cognizant, very aware and frustrated at the same time as my eating habits and style should be changing as we speak, and it has not. Knowing that I will be on this very strict diet for 2 weeks seems surreal to me, and knowing after the surgery I will have to be disciplined and very committed to this or I will not succeed in my new journey. Right now I think about going to a Chinese buffet for lunch and gorging myself, what the hell is that all about? How can I make the mental changes? I want to , I need to and I have to. Having worked with my Endocrinologist for a year now and talking with my therapist a few times has me thinking more about "getting it" and "doing it" mentality. This is an ongoing process, I understand this and I hate to say "but", but I am 61 years old and very used to my lifestyle. 17 years ago I quit tobacco and 2 years ago I quit alcohol, now if I can do those "cold turkey" then what the hell? How do I find the special key to unlock the part of my mind to overcome this? Personally, I do not ever speak my mind like this but I want it so bad it hurts. Any suggestions how I might find the peace to put these thought demons out of my head? Hopefully this makes sense and someone can relate with what I am going through, I don't have much time to "get it".

I think these things about myself too. I find myself correcting myself from "I should" "I would" to saying "I will." At least you aware of your demons cause then you can confront them head on. I have had some time to correct a few things because I am type 2 diabetic and not on insulin I have to MAKE myself, and sometimes fail, not gorge on something like Chinese - it is self correcting because I hate the feeling of being "sugar drunk." Or I can't eat too many carbs but trust me when I say I am fat cause I still make bad choices like how am I going to give up butter?????? And no straw?? And no diet mountain dew?

We get all caught up in these unhealthy habits and it is going to take some undoing after surgery. Some of it will be self-correcting, I bet. I don't know. I am in the same boat, though, surgery is Sept 18 for me.

And of course, here is me saying, go eat that chinese if you can for just this moment. I miss chinese food, especiall Thai. Good for you for kicking tobacco and alcohol. You must have a pretty strong determination if you got past those things.

I hoped someone out there would respond with like words. BTW, Seafood Phad Thai hot, is my fav,,,,,Thanks

You can do this. You cut out tobacco and alcohol. After plenty of years. If you can do that you can do this. You just have to do it now and not look back. Don't procrastinate. Do it now. Good luck.

I started thinking that I have had really great food in my life already, so I know what it tasted like, enjoyed it. And I will have great tasting food after this surgery as well - not right away of course. Food isn't going away. There isn't going to be a famine, so I am trying to let go of anxiety over not getting food.

After a few bites, you just go numb anyway and then it's just unconscious eating until you are stuffed - it's not food you want, it's a feeling. You have to make yourself feel secure in other ways now, you have to actually pay attention in other more positive ways.

Yesterday I did something unusual, my husband had a big azz burrito at the county fair, for about 10 minutes I just sat there and watched him eat, asked him if it was any good, he said it was okay. I took a bite of the shredded steak, it was good. So I then went up to the counter and and got steak nachos w shredded cheese. I only ate the lettuce and some meat, some cheese and two chips. And I didn't feel compelled to eat the whole dang thing. That was a different experience. And first we walked all over and looked at exhibits, animals, then walked the midway, then walked ALL the food carts and then he decided on the mexican food. It was still the fair, and it was still fun. I don't ride rides anymore, not because I can't fit, I can, but I don't need my neck jerked around for fun. Besides we were there to do the square dance demo and who needs to show their pettipants on rides!!! lol yeeha!

I appreciate your words, I really do. I need to pull my big boy pants up and move on. I am trying,,,,

Thanks for your honesty and I suspect a lot of us can relate to what you have shared. After surgery I almost compulsively watched cooking shows and read through menus on seamless.

The preop diet really supported my mindset because believe me that was waaay harder pre surgery than post surgery.

One of the most shocking experiences post surgery has been the total disconnect between my brain and my my body. Yesterday I was at a work conference and for the lunch buffet served myself two slices of roasted chicken breast, a tablespoon full of quinoa and some cucumbers. My brain was very saddened by this pathetic plate. My body however could not complete the meal and was very happy.

The other thing that has made a difference for me is shifting the context I have for eating. I relate to my obesity as a chronic disease that can be managed.

On August 20, 2017 at 11:46 PM, StartingFreshNana said:

You shouldn't feel bad for any of your thoughts. For a long time food has been your BFF. It's normal to mourn it and be fearful.

I'm grateful I do not crave sweets and other foods I've got to give up. That will all be easy since I'm more of a food eater vs Snacks. The one thing I did do is make a big pan of Portuguese Soup since I won't be able to enjoy it after surgery. Sure I can have the broth and kale but that's it. The 1st bowl I had I ate the full ingredients.. Each bowl after I removed the potatoes etc.(I ate it for a few days) . I'm pre op and not close to the liquid diet part yet. I didn't feel guilty not one bit. As I see it one last meal isn't gonna put a dent in the damage that's been done. Will I do this again??? NEVER (except the broth and kale portion) For me having what I'll miss most helped greatly. I'm sure many people out here have their "last meal" Once I was finished it was as if I closed the door to old eating and started a new!

The whole BFF thing. I was just thinking about that yesterday. Every week I meet with my bosses and co-workers and we eat lunch for our staffing meeting. There are times when I do skip lunch because I just can't possibly eat at that moment so I know what it is like to choose to sit there and watch everyone else eat. My boss brought that up when I talked about this two years ago, about eating together might be hard for me. But maybe I can make it up - sometimes I bring just yogurt just to see if I can handle eating yogurt while they eat their big old burger or whatever it is. Sometimes I have to skip eating because my blood sugar is high so I know if forced to - that I can skip eating with them. BUT YET - it is such a comfort thing to eat with people we are close to. Everything revolves around food - our BFF. Even if we are alone - there is always food. I was never really able to tell if I was an emotional eater or just an OCD eater. When I am happy I eat more when things are bad I don't have an appetite, but they have to be pretty darn bad to get to that point. THe divorce diet is always nice for a little while. lol

So, maybe I will have a farewell lunch with my co-workers. Where I get to eat bad with them one more time. Just as a "good bye last meal."

Yesterday I ate a quarter of my food and did not drink with my meal during our staffing meeting.

Also, yesterday, I got hungry in the late afternoon and I had half of one of those peanut butter pouches. I knew I wanted the rest because it tasted good but I didn't need more than half to satisfy me. Little things here and there.

On August 21, 2017 at 9:08 AM, RSM said:

I appreciate your words, I really do. I need to pull my big boy pants up and move on. I am trying,,,,

You are trying and that is what counts. Baby steps. Then the steps get bigger and bigger, right?

My sleeve surgery is scheduled for Sept 6th. I started my 2 week pre-op liquid diet yesterday, 3 days early to mentally prepare me for the 2 weeks before surgery. Yesterday was a struggle. Today is better. I wish you much success throughout your journey.