I do not know what just happened.

i have a history of Bulimia of perhaps 15 years but been 'clean' a year + It is not even on my rader , It was an issue of binging and purging I do not binge anymore.

I am 6 week post sleeve done all as planned.

Just now I ate some salmon , very tiny amount.

But suddenly I was caught unaware by this feeling of fullness not excessively i ate 1.5 almost 2 ounces.( I have not been able to eat much the last few days due to stress so i dont know if my tummy shrunk hence this new feeling that overwhelmed me. Did I get a feeling at all? is it in my head i dont even know. But I lost my mind it seemed silently, I just went off without thinking and purged. ( i can honestly say it was an odd experiance i had not eaten much to purge compared to what i was used to the flood of food coming up and feeling that sense of relief ther was nothing to come out i was left feeling sick and confused why did i do this? i did not binge, how did this happen? Its like i didnt even realise it happening so fast.

what have i done to my sleeve bringing acid up probably? please do not judge me i am so confused. My tummy hurts. I have stuck to the plan done everything right, now i have let myself down .. so what now..

I just need to talk to someone.

EDIT - please dont judge me , yes my surgeon was fully aware of my history honestly this is a shock to me happening as i was in a good place had councelling etc. im worried how people will respond to this so tempted to delete before anyone sees lol

Edited August 16, 20179 yr by dreamingsmall

Take a breath and Don't beat yourself up. The important thing is that you recognized immediately that you might have slipped backwards. It's also a good sign that it worries you and you didn't feel that sense of relief you used to feel when you would purge.
I don't have a history of eating disorders but I do have a history of mentally sabotaging myself. Personally I would make an appointment with my therapist ASAP, call your surgeon to discuss if he thinks there might have been any damage done and talk to your Nutritionist.
If eating scares you right now it won't hurt if you go back to liquids.
As they say, recognizing there is a problem is the first step.
(((HUGS)))

I am so sorry that this happened, and while I can't understand how you are feeling, I can imagine so. I'd suggest that you call your surgeon and just be honest about what has happened. He/she will know how to advise you.

Hang in there and continue to work toward better health.

Good luck!

I think I know exactly what happened.

Binge/purging for 15 years is a LONG time. Long enough for purging to become an automatic response to the feeling of fullness.

6 weeks isn't far out at all, so a couple ounces of firm salmon absolutely would have made you feel full.

You felt full, and that ingrained habit just...happened.. you didn't have to think about it any more than I have to think about stopping my car at a red light.

Now that you are aware this CAN happen, you will need to practice mindful eating to prevent it from continuing to happen.

8 hours ago, Berry78 said:

I think I know exactly what happened.

Binge/purging for 15 years is a LONG time. Long enough for purging to become an automatic response to the feeling of fullness.

6 weeks isn't far out at all, so a couple ounces of firm salmon absolutely would have made you feel full.

You felt full, and that ingrained habit just...happened.. you didn't have to think about it any more than I have to think about stopping my car at a red light.

Now that you are aware this CAN happen, you will need to practice mindful eating to prevent it from continuing to happen.

Thank you so so much! I am still shocked by my behavour, but your right, i will be more mindfull, i feel better today and tryign to be more in the moment, I am just so shocked, i was scared to come back to this post i am so glad people are being nice, i was so so embarrased, i had thought i was i supposed 'healed' from this as before id deliberatly get lots of food and then do this etc. so this thing was like ialmot wasnt even aware of what i was doing very scary! how you explained it makes so much sense!

14 hours ago, gotime0810 said:

Take a breath and Don't beat yourself up. The important thing is that you recognized immediately that you might have slipped backwards. It's also a good sign that it worries you and you didn't feel that sense of relief you used to feel when you would purge.
I don't have a history of eating disorders but I do have a history of mentally sabotaging myself. Personally I would make an appointment with my therapist ASAP, call your surgeon to discuss if he thinks there might have been any damage done and talk to your Nutritionist.
If eating scares you right now it won't hurt if you go back to liquids.
As they say, recognizing there is a problem is the first step.
(((HUGS)))

Thank you so much for your kind words, i was hiding yesturday i was so upset about what i did and really quite ashamed, and your right its a brilliant sign id id not get the relief, i do not want to feel that way again it was so disgusting my stomach my poor tummy was just hating it it. hurt so bad and i just felt so sick!! i can tell you perhaps that experiance has healed me for good lol aha because even if i wanted to do it i cant take that feeling,

thank you so much for your help . i feel bad saying this but i did not get the courage to contact my surgeon or nut or bariatric nurse i just cant bring myself to do it but i will not do it again! thank you so much

13 hours ago, blizair09 said:

I am so sorry that this happened, and while I can't understand how you are feeling, I can imagine so. I'd suggest that you call your surgeon and just be honest about what has happened. He/she will know how to advise you.

Hang in there and continue to work toward better health.

Good luck!

thank u somuch it means alot!!

I have no eating disorder history to understand but I am now sleeved like you and can say that this may also be your sleeve and not the disorder at all. I eat chicken with no problem but cook it in curry and it will come up virulently. I puked in my soda cup it caught me so off guard.

It is surely important to be mindful of your past eating disorder but also understand that you also have new tolerances to food. You will learn them and continue o be proud of yourself that you've gotten all this under control.

Take care