So I'm 22, 5'6, HW: 270, CW: 246, GW: 160

I have anxiety, depression, ptsd, paranoia disorder, agoraphobia, insomnia and social anxiety:

My brother who is only a year younger has autism and epilepsy and that's pretty much where all my mental issues have stemmed from. Being in a hospital is going to be very hard since I basically grew up in one since he had seizures so constantly.

About my weight loss struggle,

I have always always been chunky my whole life. In the beginning it was just because my parents didn't really care what we ate, and we definitely ate for stress because of how hard it was with my brother. But once I hit late jr high/high school I just got so overweight and that's where my really bad depression set in. I tried crazy diets, tried weight watchers, had a personal trainer at the gym, tried the military diet, ate no dairy no gluten for a long time, absolutely nothing made me lose weight. Nothing. So I kind of gave up and just thought this is how I'd always be. Beginning of high school I was diagnosed with PCOS, my doctor was incredibly rude and basically said "you're gonna gain a bunch of weight, not be able to lose any of it, and you probably won't be able to have kids." So that's what I had playing in my head throughout high school. And the beginning was true, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't lose weight.

Just recently we had to put my brother in a group home because of how violent he has gotten. I was so depressed that for the first 2 weeks I didn't eat. I lost 23 pounds. I had never lost that much in my life. But not eating was not an option or a way out for me. So I met with my doctors and they all said this is pretty much my only option. My body doesn't react to trying to lose weight unless I literally starve myself. And I also have been thinking about the chance or not being able to have kids one day. That scares me so much. I couldn't risk that. I had to do something now. Also I am so close to getting diabetes and ovarian cancer

I just want to be healthy. I know 90% of my depression comes from being overweight. Which leads to anxiety because I can't leave my room because I don't want anyone to see me because I'm fat. It's just a cycle. I want to feel happy for the first time in my life. I want to feel confident. I am so prepared for this life change. People have been questioning me and testing me and basically saying are you sure you're ready bla bla but you don't understand how committed I am. I've never had surgery. I'm terrified. We're paying out of pocket and we're not a rich family. I'm not going to go through this surgery, I'm not going to spend all this money and then just decide I'm gonna eat whatever I want and reverse everything afterwards.

I'm ready for a completely new life to start. What is your best POSITIVE advice to stay on track and to motivate yourself and remind yourself that this is for the best and to be excited about this and not be scared?

My surgery is in 17 days.

First - I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I'm sure that is an incredibly difficult and stressful situation for your family.

Second, while haven't had my surgery yet (just got approved through insurance), I have definitely done a TON of reading about others' experiences on these message boards, and have talked to several people I know who have had some form of bariatric surgery, and most of the advice is the same:

• Listen to your doctors and your NUT and follow everything they say exactly, or as close to exactly as you reasonably can without making yourself sick/getting hurt.
• Join a support group, find a surgery buddy, and/or a good therapist. The surgery doesn't fix your head or any issues you may have with food, and finding the right support for you will make all the difference.
• Set non-weight related goals for yourself, and don't get too dependent on the scale to measure your success.
• Remember this is a major surgery, and there will be times - especially in the beginning, where you may feel completely awful and experience "buyer's remorse", but as long as you are following your medical team's advice/plans, it WILL get easier.

I hope that helps at least a little bit. If you can, try to do as much research as you can to get yourself prepared in the next 17 days. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, and for me at least, being armed with information and feeling mentally prepared goes a long way to helping me feel calm and confident. At the risk of sounding like a commercial, I actually found the book about VSG written by Alex Brecher (the dude who started this website) to be pretty informative and helpful.

In terms of getting excited and motivated - I like to look at others' before/after photos and read their stories. It's a great reminder that you're not alone and that success is possible for you too!

Good luck on your journey - you can do it!

Edited March 3, 20179 yr by MeltsIntoWonder

Lots of good advice given by the previous poster! Given the mental health issues and how they tie into weight gain/loss I second the suggestion to find a counsellor to help you walk through issues as they crop up and creating a support network to give you encouragement and motivation when things get tough.

I'm sorry about your brother and hope you are confident in the care he receives in the group home, so that you can focus on taking care of yourself now