Dating is Awkward

[ava32 48]

Hello! I'm currently 80 pounds down from my HW. I had surgery 10/10/16. Lately I've been getting a lot of attention from men. I just turned 24 and unfortunately I don't have much dating experience. Growing up I used my weight as crutch and refused to put myself out there .

How the hell am I supposed to navigate the dating scene? Should I date bariatric surgery guys only, because it is implied they understand this journey? What am I to do?

[sunschick13 14]

I'm a little (a lot[emoji13]) older, but in the same boat. I think you just have to find your new confidence and find your way! I'm slowly getting out there again and it will happen [emoji846]


Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[HB76356 122]

Fair warning, I'm no expert. I did the same thing you did. I'm a bit older and have been in some relationship s, but each time I realized at some point that there was a dynamic of 'be happy I'm here'.

Since having my surgery (very recent- last month). I decided that I'm going to focus on all the things I couldn't do when I was at my heaviest. If the right girl comes along the way, even better! But I'm done just being satisfied with 'having someone.'

If guys are paying you attention, that's awesome, just make sure that the guy you pick had the things you've been wanting

Nobody's perfect, so don't go crazy, but stick to your basic criteria and have fun!

[AnneElliot 79]

Is it the eating our that is awkward?

[ava32 48]

Is it the eating our that is awkward?

The only awkward thing about eating on dates is, guys don't know why I'm full after 2-3 bites. They assume I'm trying to not look like a pig and they encourage me to eat.

What they don't realize is that I probably should've stopped after the first bite and now I'm hoping I don't start burping for the rest of the night.

[ava32 48]

To clarify the things I find the most awkward/frustrating about dating post op are:

*gaining attention
*receiving compliments
*general dating etiquette( figuring out how to be open but not reveal much too soon, etc)
*working through emotional/psychological issues while dating (i.e. "Does this guy really want ME?")

[HB76356 122]

To clarify the things I find the most awkward/frustrating about dating post op are:

*gaining attention

*receiving compliments

*general dating etiquette( figuring out how to be open but not reveal much too soon, etc)

*working through emotional/psychological issues while dating (i.e. "Does this guy really want ME?")

I don't think those are all 'post op' issues. The 'gaining attention' sure. But try to enjoy it. Imagine it from a guys perspective. Once the weight is off, what women do I approach? I don't have the years of practice, lol.

Receiving complements - I think lots of women (and some men) struggle with that, combine some self-esteem issuing with not wanting to be conceited and boom. Just try to take them in the spirit they are given. If a guy says, "you're the best thing I've seen all day." Hey, if he's cute, ask him where he's been. Lol.

Dating etiquette - that's a loaded one. You have to find a balance. I tend to enjoy learning about people, warts and all, so I'm hard to shock, bit you can overshare with some people. Again, something we all go through.

Working thru issues - another loaded one. Personally, I've tried (with some success) to take people art face value. Just try to keep your eyes and ears open. Sometimes the signs are there, but we don't want to be alone. Dating is like a job interview. People try to put their best foot forward. Eventually (I have a six month theory) the real them comes out.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

My suggestion is don't date until after you are at goal and have been. There for 6 months to a year. You need to get used to your new self.

Learn from my mistakes.

[ava32 48]

I don't think those are all 'post op' issues. The 'gaining attention' sure. But try to enjoy it. Imagine it from a guys perspective. Once the weight is off, what women do I approach? I don't have the years of practice, lol.

Receiving complements - I think lots of women (and some men) struggle with that, combine some self-esteem issuing with not wanting to be conceited and boom. Just try to take them in the spirit they are given. If a guy says, "you're the best thing I've seen all day." Hey, if he's cute, ask him where he's been. Lol.

Dating etiquette - that's a loaded one. You have to find a balance. I tend to enjoy learning about people, warts and all, so I'm hard to shock, bit you can overshare with some people. Again, something we all go through.

Working thru issues - another loaded one. Personally, I've tried (with some success) to take people art face value. Just try to keep your eyes and ears open. Sometimes the signs are there, but we don't want to be alone. Dating is like a job interview. People try to put their best foot forward. Eventually (I have a six month theory) the real them comes out.

OMG!!!! Thank you soooo much for your reply!

[ava32 48]

My suggestion is don't date until after you are at goal and have been. There for 6 months to a year. You need to get used to your new self.
Learn from my mistakes.

I thought about doing this. I really should because I'll be starting nursing school in September. Thank you for the advice.

[HB76356 122]

OMG!!!! Thank you soooo much for your reply!

No problem, let us know how it works out!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

It is hard advice to take because losing weight makes your hormones rage, and men will pay you a lot of attention. They can smell it almost, lol.

Still I have never been this small in my adult life. It really took a while for me to get used to. You are younger and haven't been heavy as long so it might be easier for you to adjust to. I have been in normal sizes for months, but it has only been in the past couple months that I have really been able to accept that I am smaller normal sized woman and not a deflated fat person.

When I was dating last year, every time a guy broke it off or things didn't work out I assumed it was because of my loose skin or how my body looks. Even though not one man has ever said anything negative about my body, I get told I am beautiful constantly. It was just my issue.

You need a thick skin for dating. So until you are sure you have a clear grasp on the new you, just do you.

[HB76356 122]

My suggestion is don't date until after you are at goal and have been. There for 6 months to a year. You need to get used to your new self.
Learn from my mistakes.

How you gonna make the fellas wait? See how you are, lol.

[ava32 48]

It is hard advice to take because losing weight makes your hormones rage, and men will pay you a lot of attention. They can smell it almost, lol.
Still I have never been this small in my adult life. It really took a while for me to get used to. You are younger and haven't been heavy as long so it might be easier for you to adjust to. I have been in normal sizes for months, but it has only been in the past couple months that I have really been able to accept that I am smaller normal sized woman and not a deflated fat person.
When I was dating last year, every time a guy broke it off or things didn't work out I assumed it was because of my loose skin or how my body looks. Even though not one man has ever said anything negative about my body, I get told I am beautiful constantly. It was just my issue.
You need a thick skin for dating. So until you are sure you have a clear grasp on the new you, just do you.

I totally agree with the hormone thing. Guys at the gym and at work who never spoke before are always trying to get my attention now. I also think it is the newfound confidence that I have.

I really appreciate the advice you've given me. I'm just gonna do me for a while. The men will be there when I'm ready.

[ava32 48]

No problem, let us know how it works out! [emoji6]

I'll keep you informed