My partner texted me that he wanted to go out for dinner tonight. My mind flooded at once with so many different thoughts: What if I can't find something on the menu that meets my diet restrictions? What if "something" goes wrong? How silly will I look as a large man claiming he's full after three bites? I was having a bad day and I didn't want to deal with this; I was having a bad day and I really could've used a glass of wine over a nice meal.

So I made reservations and we went out. I did order that glass of wine, not entirely sure if I was "allowed to" yet. And Oh! that bread looked good, but I abstained. My partner had half the loaf and an appetizer while I sipped meekly from my wine glass. Finally, the Entrees arrived. I'd ordered the panko crusted cod (Not the gnocchi, nor the scampi, nor the fettuccini-anything). It was delicious, but at +3 weeks I could only eat a couple ounces - maybe 1/4 of the dish. And I confess, I did have a taste of my partner's tiramisu.

I'm still learning how to eat less, and judging how much is enough, and knowing when I'm full. I won't lie, it's a bit frustrating, like a circle in Dante's hell, having delicious food in front of me but just a tiny stomach that can't take it in. But I wanted to treat this as practice, and be willing to leave food on my plate and wine in my glass, to pass on the bread and have no more than a spoon of dessert. Generally I think I did well. The fullness still catches me by surprise -- gotta work on that! But for about the first time ever, I came out of that restaurant with something new: left-overs!

Well done! I promise, it gets easier, and you will be able to eat delicious food again in moderation.

I'm more surprised about the wine than the food...lol. My doc said no alcohol for at least a year after surgery. I recall one lady in our support group that said the first time she had a glass of wine (after a year out) that it pretty much got her drunk off half a glass.

I too was expecting the wine to hit me harder than it did. I'll have to check with my dietician.

A big reason they preach against drinking alcohol is because a fair amount of people end up becoming alcoholics after surgery. Essentially replacing food with a different addiction. I have some serious mourning for my craft beers despite not being a big drinker. There's a craft beer fest tomorrow that I won't be able to go to for the first time in years. It's sad, but I'll eventually get back to it. Unfortunately I've never been a wine guy! lol

I've tried to post but not sure where it went when I hit send.

Since my surgery three yrs ago: I was able to try foods again in small amts and take them home.

I found myself with some deaths that were hard on me, lonely and drinking wine. I Need water!

So...got a behavorist and hope to stop using the wine to comfort myself or shut down the brain.

It's basically I need to force myself to drink Water and wine goes down better only two kinds don't hurt my stomach.

It's not that I have to drink it. I feel down and want to shut down my thoughts. what a miracle is has been losing 130 pounds but I know we do gain 15ish back after we eat. My issues is not having the inner motivation to parent myself and take care of my intake! I am the blame.

I do isometrics so will begin to walk soon as the weather is not cold.

I will probably go back to physical therapy for my issues. I have a gym I can go to: I just don't.

I went down to 137 pounds and now up to like 166ish? not sure. I feel better at 150-155.

So: it's all my fault and I have to change it and scared that I can't.

Take care,

Carole

Edited February 17, 20179 yr by Carole

I too am 3 weeks post surgery and still struggle with how much of what to eat .. still learning to eat slower so I can recognize that full feeling and trying new things alone the way. I wouldn't go out for V day because I wasn't sure if I could eat anything. You're doing great this is not a race so just take it one day at a time

My birthday happened to fall around me being 2 montha post op. I actually went to a woline loft to celebrate and did just fine. I hadpre the one glass and wasn't even close to being drunk. I def don't do it often. I think at a certain point its about experimenting and sssing what works for you. But I'm glad everythinf went well for you!

4 hours ago, Carole said:

I've tried to post but not sure where it went when I hit send.

Since my surgery three yrs ago: I was able to try foods again in small amts and take them home.

I found myself with some deaths that were hard on me, lonely and drinking wine. I Need water!

So...got a behavorist and hope to stop using the wine to comfort myself or shut down the brain.

It's basically I need to force myself to drink Water and wine goes down better only two kinds don't hurt my stomach.

It's not that I have to drink it. I feel down and want to shut down my thoughts. what a miracle is has been losing 130 pounds but I know we do gain 15ish back after we eat. My issues is not having the inner motivation to parent myself and take care of my intake! I am the blame.

I do isometrics so will begin to walk soon as the weather is not cold.

I will probably go back to physical therapy for my issues. I have a gym I can go to: I just don't.

I went down to 137 pounds and now up to like 166ish? not sure. I feel better at 150-155.

So: it's all my fault and I have to change it and scared that I can't.

Take care,

Carole

Hi Carole,

I say this without judgement: it sounds like you could really use some counseling, to help with the grief and the self-medicating use of alcohol. And I hear a lot of self-blame, when I think it's amazing you lost 130 lbs! We're not perfect but we do need to be accountable to ourselves. Counseling or therapy can help with that. I don't know quite what a behaviorist does, but changing behavior is easier when you address the underlying feelings that drive the behavior.

Be well,

Chris

Thank you Chris,

I am new to writing on here so thank you for the response. You are correct this is why I contacted a behaviorist as they help with wounds of our past; thoughts that are in the back of our minds... and I was never a couch potato; I Had sports injuries that left me aching and in need of surgeries on my feet and then the knee which I am using an orthopedic chiropractor that really has helped me avoid surgery.

I followed my plan exactly. I refused to try any foods not on my list or drinks after one year and I looked and felt beautiful. I just keep looking better and better ... had some positive things to look forward to but even they were only for "a time" and I had to start thinking of my life again and how to create it but realizing: my past was still with me chose to seek the Behavoirst and work with EMDR which helps re wire the brain during situations that were not handled in a way I would have at this time.

I can eat in moderation but seems my body thinks of Bread it's in my head so I'm learning how to look at an old thought and feel it, then close my eyes and change it to how I would handle it now.

But: I'm still not exercising properly, walking, and I am happy to have removed the 130 lbs but it was put on from sitting and being in pain alot waiting for a surgery on my feet to be created. I ate didn't move enough.

So now I am working in the house/ dumping things/ organizing/ changing/ and I'm just starting to think of me for a change.

I am more focused now on what I am doing and can think: If I want to eat something or think I do, It's lovely to look at on the shelf at the store, I can pick it up and think of how it taste, I also can think "Is this healthy" and put it back if its' noooo. But I do have to STOP purchasing the wine because I am not where I want to be in life. There are things I haven't done and I have to begin to take some risks.

When I began to eat: I remember trying small amts of food and if I ate just a little too much the GERD came back and so much phlem like came out of me it was horrible. So that solved GERD. I also found out if I drink too fast or eat too fast: I sneeze or get the hick ups.. crazy but it's true. My stomach feels terrible so I now feel it expanding and know: bag it and enjoy it when I get home. That's the greatest part.

I know when I get out and do normal things rather than stay at home. I tire faster, sleep better and I'm feeling more energy.

Hoping once this counseling is further down the road: I will feel the strength to Volunteer but with my feet and back: I have to be careful.

An orthopedic chiropractor is amazing for us after surgery. They even use a acupuncture gun to help with cravings and keep us healthier in line without bodies. The wt gain I carried left my hips with osteoporosis. I take a shot and would recommend seeing someone for bone density after a year out to determine if that's the case for others. I am vitiman d deficient so taking that now to not feel so tired.

I think I will have the burger without the bun next time as it just turns to sugar and seeing myself sit in a chair when I had room for half another person before is hard when I felt so happy wearing size8-10 comfortably and now the roll and flab take up space that was gone last yr.

I wanted to be honest and up front with my issue because I never thought I would drink a drink again...but Water just didn't taste good even with the flavoring.

This year without my animals: I will look more to myself and my needs so I have no excuse but to take care of ME♥