I want to have lap-band done. My bf said I should just eat less and exercise. This makes me so mad. He just don’t understand how hard it is. He has seen me loose weight in the past but I had to take tons of diet pills. Once they stopped selling diet pills with Effedra I can’t lose weight. I’ve gain all my weight back plus. I’ve been on tons of diets and diet pills. I just want to be done with all that. I was able to quit smoking 9 years ago with using Zyban. With weight you can’t just stop eating. You need to eat to live. I think this is the best thing for me. I currently have an appointment to talk with my doctor about this. I wish there was a way for my bf could understand what I going through. We’ve been together for 11 years.

I’m

5’ 2”

245

BMI 44.8

:cry

My story is that I listened to my ex about not getting the lapband. This was about 4 years ago, and we were together for 6 years. My friends mother had surgery and I started looking into it. My insurance at the time would pay for it, and I was ready to go! But, I let him talk me out of it.

Now I think if I'd gotten this then, I'd be at my goal weight now. I wish I had just done it, and not listened to him.

I would try my best to educate him and find out his reasons why he's against it. Is he scared for your safety? Is he overweight and would be jealous? Is he insecure? Etc...

I've been fat since I was about 10 years old. If I could have done this with diet and exercise I would have since then (I'm 32 now). I am trying to eat right now, and it's easier because I get full quickly. I do have to exercise and I have to MAKE myself exercise because I do hate it. But, I do it because it's what I want for myself.

Your story moved me. I have been researching the band for almost a year. I have had my moments of doubt and worry. I have talked to my freinds and loved ones. I have also received mixed messages from them all. It hurts when those you love and care about don't share the same feelings you do. One thing I did was stand up for myself. I told them you are entitled to your thoughts...I am entitled to mine. Stand up for what you want. Being over weight is not fun. I use to lift weights in high school. When you stop doing that and got into the real world...everyone knows how to eat. It sucks...I talked to my Dr. and the most meaningful thing he told me. Kevin...it is not as simple as putting down the fork and working out more. Obesity is a disease and in some cases the only thing that can help in an operation. So I will leave you with those thoughts. It is all up to you. I know that you want to please your other half...however there comes a time when you have to be happy. I hope that all goes well for you. :rose:

I want to have lap-band done. My bf said I should just eat less and exercise. This makes me so mad. He just don’t understand how hard it is. He has seen me loose weight in the past but I had to take tons of diet pills. Once they stopped selling diet pills with Effedra I can’t lose weight. I’ve gain all my weight back plus. I’ve been on tons of diets and diet pills. I just want to be done with all that. I was able to quit smoking 9 years ago with using Zyban. With weight you can’t just stop eating. You need to eat to live. I think this is the best thing for me. I currently have an appointment to talk with my doctor about this. I wish there was a way for my bf could understand what I going through. We’ve been together for 11 years.

I’m

5’ 2”

245

BMI 44.8

:cry

Some people just don't get it, and some never will.

I have a feeling he is insecure. He probably is concerned that you may leave him once you lose the weight and start getting more attention from other guys. OR he is just completely ignorant to the facts. I don't mean that in an ugly way, I'm serious. Maybe you should try taking him to the seminar with you so that he can be educated on obesity. Then explain to him the importance of it to you. If this doesn't seem to work then you need to decide if what he thinks is best for you is ACTUALLY best for you. If not, go with what YOU feel is right!

It is YOUR life and YOUR health.

I obviously do not know any of the particulars of your relationship and do not need to, but if you have been together for 11 yrs and he's your BF, not your DH, there's an issue...

You do not have to answer to anyone, if this is something you feel you need to be healthy and you are committed to doing, then by al means, go do it!

I just wanted to THANK YOU for taking the time to give me your thoughts. It's has helped to know others understand how I'm feeling.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!

Get rid of the boyfriend. Well, that's what I'd do...but you're talking to someone who hasn't had a date in 8 years.

Just keep your eyes open for other things (he knows this isn't about eating less and exercising)... just protect yourself ... you need someone to lift you up...not bring you down.

Oh, 11 years? BF? Unless you are extremely wealthy and are choosing not to marry to protect your assets... why is he still your boyfriend and not a husband?

Not meaning to come down hard but it gets my goat ONLY because I've seen so many women go thru this only to have that bf leave...no string attached.

Hopefully you have a loving and caring relationship built upon 11 years of sharing... that you two have grown together and have made commitments to each other.

Hmm....

"Oh, 11 years? BF? Unless you are extremely wealthy and are choosing not to marry to protect your assets... why is he still your boyfriend and not a husband? "

Maybe he's extremely wealthy and is choosing not to marry to protect his assets? Oh no, but that would be wrong, wouldn't it? It's funny how so many women have a double standard about issues like this - it would be fine if she did it, but if he did it, he's a b*****d.

"Not meaning to come down hard but it gets my goat ONLY because I've seen so many women go thru this only to have that bf leave...no string attached. "

Women don't leave men in the same situation?

"Hopefully you have a loving and caring relationship built upon 11 years of sharing... that you two have grown together and have made commitments to each other."

11 years IS a long time - long enough that one would think if either party wanted it to change, they would have done so by now. Perhaps THEY decided together that their commitment is enough and doesn't need the formalisation of marriage?

I dunno folks, commenting on the BF's lack of support seems fair enough and justified, but making the HUGE ASSUMPTION that, because they are not married after 11 years, there are "issues" in the relationship, does not seem warranted. There may or may not be issues around that, but who can tell from just the post given?

Yes, I agree, that one's way out of leftfield. Lots and lots of committed relationships are not built on marriage! And people I love a lot like my parents also at first could not understand why I'd not just eat less and exercise more.

Its an impossible concept to grasp if you dont suffer from obesity yourself, that its not within your complete control, that the solution is not so simple. Its an impossible concept to grasp often even when you do. I have a lapband and I still feel exasperated with people who are eating themselves to death. I feel disgusted at fat people in the shopping centre eating ice creams and walking around, I feel revolted at all the people sitting in the food court eating McDonalds.

So really, when it comes right down to it, it has to be YOUR decision and even someone so significant in your life as a boyfriend or spouse cant be the deciding factor. Its like giving up smoking, its something you do entirely for you.

HOPING - don't be too hard on your boyfriend. If he's never had to struggle with weight, I'm sure it does seem simple to him (and everyone who thinks - just eat less and exercise more- is the answer) that you can lose weight without a tool like the band. I've only been banded for 2 days so I'm no expert about life after the band, but I can tell you that at age 57, the past few years of my life after menopause, which you gain 15-20 pounds overnight w/out warning, have been so much less enjoyable than they should have been. I know I sit at home a lot 100% because I don't like how I look and I have no stamina to go places and do things.

So my advice would be to lovingly tell him that you appreciate his concern and you know he only wants what's best for you, but after doing the research, you think this will make your life together much happier. Then go for it !

Good luck with your decision

Judy

Hoping,

I feel you pain. I have a very loving and supporting fiance, but even he does not understand. He's seen the multiple & sustained efforts I've put into losing weight only to see me still stuck and miserable. He doesn't want me to have surgery and does not see my weight as an issue, but it is to me and he does want me to be happy. He (like me) wants me to be happy and for my weight to stop being a big factor in my life and our relationship. I love him so much, but yes it does hurt that he doesn't understand. As much as I'd love him to understand how I feel both emotionally and physically, I know he never will (as he's never had a weight problem in his life and pretty much eats what he wants).

something that the surgeon at the seminar said still keeps ringing in my ears........ "this is something you have to go alone" - not that you don't need support from family and friends, but ultimately, you are doing this for yourself so you can finally be happy, you are the only one who can decide what's best for you. After all the happier you are within yourself, the more love you can actually give to the important people in your life (remind your BF of that).

I wish you all the very best. Let us know how you're going.

I think this is something you do for you, not for your bf. So what matters is what you think. Good luck, Donna

Here! Here! I agree with Donna. It's all up to you.

I was the one who wrote the comment about re-evaluating your relationship but said that since you had been together for 11 years you must be in a good, loving, committed relationship.

Just worried that the comment about the food...may not be the only thing that he says/does. Had a close friend I watch as her partner said little things (unnoticed most of the time) but it added up to emotional abuse and he didn't really 'think' that much of her. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't happening to you. And it's probably not.

And the other comment about the double standard.... a study of the wealthiest men concluded that men find a spouse and family as assets. Catch that segment on CNBC, financial network. I was shocked to see that Fortune 500's want a spouse to support, children to carry on the name.

Good luck to you and please don't let what I said prevent you from coming back. We all come from different backgrouds and thus we can all offer different points of view...that's what's so great about this forum.

Listen to your heart! And you are so worth it!

After 11 yrs together maybe he doesnt know you or WANT to know you any other way. He needs to support and after 11 yrs with you that should have been first on his mind. Are you two considering a future like marriage? Thats a long time to be together w/out considering that and maybe that should tell you something...just think about it.