Hello everyone, I am 37, currently 370 w/ a bmi of 51. I am married with 4 kids, youngest is 4 mos. old.

We are thinking January. I met with the surgeon Tuesday, need to schedule pysch, then follow up after a month, then schedule surgery.

The surgeon and I agreed the sleeve would be best. Actually this process is going rather smoothly and quicker than I thought.

My biggest concern has nothing to do with the surgery itself, the pre or post diet...it's primarily how can I get my wife on board? She is about 70% there but worried about the timing in the year, my time off of work, and me not being able to help around the house with housework and/or kids for sometime.

What are some tips to help ease the spouses concerns you all have faced?

I look forward to hearing from you and sharing in this journey for healthier lives.

Thank you,

Patrick

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There's never going to be a convenient time, most likely. This is the kind of thing you just have to find a window of time that will work for it, and do it. You need to do it at a time where you can take off several weeks from work, just in case you have any complications. I was back at work after one work week, but everything was super smooth with my recovery and I had no real issues (and I have a desk job, so I could come back with no strain on my healing abdomen/stomach).

My wife said, "Just get it done." There was just never going to be a convenient time...but ultimately, I was fortunate not to need a ton of recovery time and I worked out nicely. As for not being able to help out around the house...it's temporary, and given that you're a father I suspect you can point out that there were MANY months when she was pregnant (and after giving birth) that you picked up the slack for her, to some degree. If all goes well, this really won't put you out of action for THAT long. I can get up and down and around no problem, do all my normal stuff after two weeks of healing. I am just not supposed to lift anything heavy, but I carried grocery bags no sweat. Give me a couple more weeks and I'll be pretty much back to normal. Just feeling a little weaker nowadays because of lack of nutrition, but it's not terrible.

Anyway, I think if your work schedule will allow it, set it up and follow through. Then just be very diligent and on top of your plan with the surgeon and nutritionist, so you can get the maximum out of your recovery and minimize any risk of complications.

@@patrick_920 As @@PorkChopExpress said - there's never really a convenient time. You will most likely have a 2-4 week pre-op diet - but ask your surgeon - all seem to have different requirements. I'm on day 3 of a 2 week shake-only pre-op diet. It sucks - but I'm getting through it knowing that surgery is right around the corner. Talk to your surgeon about how long you will be out of work, restrictions, etc. Your life and health are far more important than housework.

A huge and important first step in this journey for me was to say, "This my not be the best time for my work year and my family is going to have to step up and do things that I always do for them."

It helped to take my partner to a nutrition appointment. I'm sure with small children it will be hard, but it will be harder if you have a heart attack or other problem related to obesity.

You're going to have to put your foot down. That's exactly what a good friend kept telling me.

I would suggest that you sit down with your wife and discuss creative strategies to help--like hiring a babysitter for a couple of hours to watch the kids while your wife shops, etc. Ask friends or family if they can pick up items at the store. discuss the parts of chores you will be able to do--folding clothes while seated.

There's never a perfect time. The world will still keep spinning while you do this important thing for yourself. Good luck!

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Heck, if she is worried about housework, then hire a cleaning service.

I am single and have found it very helpful to have someone come in and do some heavy cleaning once a month.

The ladies who clean for me surprised me and came by and cleaned while I was in the hospital as a recovery gift! They have been some of my biggest cheerleaders!

thanks all for the replies,

I have to clarify that she has come leaps and bounds from where she was for the last couple of years.

I have to learn not to downplay the emotions and worries she may have. But still clarify there are no good or perfect times to do this.

thanks again,

Patrick

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If possible, see if she can go to your pre-op appointments and classes with you. The more she learns about/and knows the less likely she will worry.

You really aren't going to be able to help around the house if you are in the hospital or dead. Sorry to be blunt but a few weeks of not being able to help around the house doesn't seem like a deal breaker, in the grand scheme of things.