So, I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow about a revision to either sleeve or bypass. I think with either I will likely lose a lot of weight, and I'm worried already about the excess skin. I didn't worry before my first surgery because hubs and I didn't have sex very often at all. I figured if I looked ok in clothes, it would all be okay. I didn't plan on being with anyone else. Long story short, hubs and I had sex exactly twice since my lapband in 2009. However, I'm in a different relationship now. I have asked my boyfriend of 2.5 years to give me his serious opinions on how he will feel about the excess skin I will probably have. I even sent him some pics to consider. Our relationship is long distance and we never see each other any less than 6 weeks between visits. So, he will not have the chance to gradually get used to the skin. It will be a big transition between visits. He admits the visual might be tough to get used to, but he says he loves me for me and it will be okay. My question is have any of you had any issues with skin affecting your sex life. Also, do you have any lingerie tips or anything like that for concealing the skin? I've not had a revision, and I'm already worried about feeling sexy in my skin. I'm accustomed to feeling sexy even in my large body. I'm just no so sure about a thin but saggy body.

Very low libido - and with a bad back, diabetic, pain meds etc ... Really wasn't worth the work.... Married 17 years - 4 year old and 15

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Also on Zoloft so couldn't always finish what was started. So lost interest - and wife and I schedules suck, always running kids around.... A lot of resentment I think - maya get surgery and if things don't get better I may try a new life lol

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I can't even fathom sex not being worth the effort. I do understand the pain thing a little. I have an arthritic knee and arthritis and limited range of movement in my hips. My bf and I tinker with positions to help maximize the fun and minimize the pain.

I'm really sorry things aren't better for you in that area.

However, having been on the other side of your situation, I want to ask if the wife is satisfied with no sex? If not, and if you still want to have intimacy and a healthy relationship, please try to do things to please her even if you aren't interested in sex. I told my husband to even fake it if he needed to. At the risk of sounding vulgar, I'll say my lady parts would not know his mouth or hand wasn't in the mood had he just tried.

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Oh, and also married 17 years...only one child, but that's enough to complicate things. Lol

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@

Babydolls hide it. Yandy has lots of great options.

Um could have warned me about yandy- um like a soft porn site

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Haha...I have a large selection of lingerie, and it includes a couple of baby dolls. Of course, all those will hopefully be too big before long.

Paramedic, if you enjoyed that, try adoreme.com. lol

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My thoughts are love is unconditional. Except yourself and like you and hopefully your mate will do the same. As the weight drops, perhaps being able to visit new positions will make up for any loose skin. Just sayin. Wink. Wink.

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A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing by back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next dsy about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

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A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing my back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next day about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

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My thoughts are love is unconditional. Except yourself and like you and hopefully your mate will do the same. As the weight drops, perhaps being able to visit new positions will make up for any loose skin. Just sayin. Wink. Wink.

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A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing by back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next dsy about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

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Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

My thoughts are love is unconditional. Except yourself and like you and hopefully your mate will do the same. As the weight drops, perhaps being able to visit new positions will make up for any loose skin. Just sayin. Wink. Wink.

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A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing my back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next day about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

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I guess it's good to keep in mind that if you have always been bigger (a BBW) that he may be attracted to that. Seeing you smaller may be weird to him. Of course true love is unconditional, and if he really LOVES you he should want you to be healthier. But drastic weight loss does often take a toll on relationships, and not just because of loose skin. Communication is key, make sure you discuss all of this beforehand. What type of body he is attracted to may make a difference. Also, his weight and attitudes towards food matter as well.

That's a good point. I asked him when we met if he was attracted to larger women or what. He swears he doesn't really have a type, that he can find any woman attractive depending on attitude. The mother of his boys is small-ish. I don't think me being small will be an issue. We do talk about everything...intensely. Both us us had marraiges that dies due to lack of communication. Also, being long distance, we have to talk about everything because we aren't there to experience it. (We have discussed that the distance is sometimes a blessing because we talk so much--sometimes for hours luke teenagers. Our relationship can't be built on the purely physical because we aren't physically together enough for that.)

I have thought about his attitude about food, and I am very glad that he has a healthy attitude about it. He tries to eat well, and he is normal sized. My husband, on the other hand, has also always been big and I'm not going to say wasn't supportive of my need for a lifestyle change, but he just didn't participate with me. I've dieted before and him have me pick him up a large pizza (my favorite food...all for himself) while he knew I was trying to diet. My boyfriend wouldn't do that. First, he would not eat a whole pizza, but also he would be more sensitive.

I hope I'm overthrowing the skin thing. I just feel like it will be a bigger issue than normal because of the time in between when we get to see each other. People who see each other every day get used to the changes as they occur, but when you don't see someone for 8-10 (or even 12 sometimes!) weeks at a time, it might be more of a shock. Hopefully, he will just be happy to finally get some, lol, so it won't matter.

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Also on Zoloft so couldn't always finish what was started. So lost interest - and wife and I schedules suck, always running kids around.... A lot of resentment I think - maya get surgery and if things don't get better I may try a new life lol

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Well that sucks. BTW, I am example that this cycle can end. The end began to end in my late 40's (year post divorce) and WLS at 51 ended the struggle. I don't think sex is the beat all and end all of intimacy. It isn't, trust me on that. But it is an important part of our humanity. No reason to give up this ONE part of your self. The pain in your post makes me think there is more healing to be done than just WLS. Fix that first. Just saying, suggesting hoping you will et. al.

Sex may not be the best and end all of intimacy, but I would argue that if there isn't any physical affection, there is, indeed, a loss of intimacy. When you aren't intimate in that way, you lose closeness in other areas. That has been my experience anyway. It doesn't have to he intercourse, but real kisses, a pat on the butt, even holding hands can be a way to show affection. When all that is gone, I don't hold much hope for intimacy in any other fashion.

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Yes you all are right..... Lost intimacy - wife is germ a fobe and won't kiss on lips anymore..... Lots of healing but I have to love me first before I can love others

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