My sleeve surgery is on Thursday. When I first began this journey back in April I felt ashamed that I had gotten to this point and needed surgery to correct it. But through the last few months as I've met other pre and post op patients in forums like this and at the bariatric center I've felt better. I've felt like it's okay to have this struggle and that it's a struggle shared by lots of other people - not just me. Because I was feeling less insecure about having weight loss surgery, I mentioned it to one of my husband's co-workers a few weeks ago. I found out today that this co-worker told my husband that I was complaining about having to eat healthy after having the surgery (which I wasn't) and, in his opinion, if I had just eaten healthy in the past I wouldn't have to have surgery. This really stung and now I feel ashamed all over again. Somewhere along the way I forgot how the general population views obesity and bariatric surgery. I forgot the biases and stereotypes and discrimination. All this talk about how if you just eat right and exercise you can lose weight no problem. People who don't struggle with their weight don't know how this feels. This guy doesn't know that I grew up with a morbidly obese mom and that my biggest fear was ending up here. He doesn't know I ran and ran and ran to try to avoid gaining weight- until I injured my right knee and was told I could never run again. He doesn't know I ran a marathon and a couple of half marathons back in the day. He doesn't know the pride I felt at turning 20 years old and havung not hit the 200 lb mark like I always assumed I would by that age (38 now, 226). He doesn't know how truly gut-wrenchingly hard my struggle with my weight my entire life has been. That it has been my biggest obstacle and enemy. That it has been something I have thought about every single day of my life since I was probably 10 years old. I get so tired of people with their self-righteous opinions. Until you've walked this path, you have no idea how it feels or how far you would go to change it. So here I am crying on my bedroom floor. I've got to find a way to get thicker skin because I know I'm going to get more comments like this as I continue with this journey. Thanks to all for the support and I wish each one of you much joy success and happiness.

@HopefullnVirginia my surgery is on Thursday too! As I get older, I realize that some people can never comprehend how certain experiences feel until they have to go through them themselves. Don't ever let another person make you feel bad about who you are. You made a great decision by taking this step to gain a healthier lifestyle and to lose an unhealthy one. We all have felt bad about our weight at some point which is what made us all consider bariatric surgery to begin with! You can do this and you don't have to be ashamed, remain focused on your main goal: to be a healthier you! Best of luck on your surgery on Thursday. Prepare to come out with a new body and a new mindset, you can do it!

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Some people really have no life. Seriously, who is sitting around thinking about a co-workers wife's weight? Get a hobby.

I hope your husband told him to shut the hell up and mind his own business.

@@tiff291 Thanks for your note - you are absolutely right, I just need to stay focused on my goal! Good luck to you on Thursday! Let me know how it goes and I'll do the same!

We can't change other people, only ourselves. But in my opinion that puts us a step ahead, because at least we're trying. People like your coworker can't even detect their own deficiencies. There's rose colored glasses and then there's intentional blindness. He's the latter.

You don't need this person's approval - he didn't factor into your life decisions before surgery, and he definitely won't factor into them after surgery. To quote a very overused Disney cliche: Let it go.

Go ahead and shed those tears as they may be the only benefit out of this. Get it out. And then take what he said and move it over into the "pro" column for changing your life for the better by getting the surgery.

And if you really want to put him in his place: Walk over to him and say with the biggest smile on your face - Thank you. Then walk away without another word.

You are not alone, we've all had to deal with naysayers in our life who seem to think because we're fat, we've got a built in billboard flashing: "Please give me your opinion on how I should live my life."

The truth is you owe him nothing.

You will have the last word on this, one way or another. Stay strong and true to yourself, first and foremost. You deserve it!

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@@HopefulInVirginia - I've been obese since birth.

My pediatrician put me on a diet when I was in the 4th grade.

I was always teased in school, called "Big Boy" or "Big Man" by strangers. I can feel the judgement whenever I meet someone. No matter how gregarious, funny, personable, intelligent, witty or whatever I try to be, the word "fat" is almost always the first way someone would describe me to someone else.

And then let's talk about moving through crowds, trying to will my body to be smaller to fit between people at concerts, how uncomfortable seats are in stadiums or music venues and how they leave bruises on my thighs, or bus seats, or airplane seats, or booths at restaurants, or not being able to find clothes at normal stores, or any of a thousand daily reminders that I'm morbidly obese.

Four Decades of that.

Diets never work, exercise can only do so much when you get so big. It's an awful Catch-22.

And now.. there's hope. There's real hope. I see myself making progress EVERY MORNING. I look in the mirror and I see Myself in there - fuzzy, undefined, mostly obscured, but I'm there. I'm in there encouraging myself to keep going. To use this tool I've given myself and to embrace the person I've always thought deep down that I was.

Be Proud of taking this step. This is seizing control of your own life and health in the best way available to you. Someone thinks you're taking an easy way out? Well that someone doesn't know the decades of mental anguish that being obese puts you through. They can't appreciate your pain and never will. What they think is inconsequential.

I'm not even a week post-op and I know this is the best decision I've ever made. I'm a 40 year old man and I get teary-eyed when I think about who I'm going to become in the next year, of what I'll be able to do, of how I'll feel about myself. That joy is a thousand times more potent than the snide remarks of some ignorant twat.

@@TheRev

Great post!

@@HopefulInVirginia

Don't give assh0les your power. Seriously.

Don't let other people's ignorance make you feel bad, if I read the post correctly sounds like hubby didn't tell this person off. I hope he is fully in your corner and supportive. Good luck with your journey and surgery. I am not sure how to work this site very well, I can't even figure out how to setup my profile.

But I am on FB ,Alice Phipps live in Gaston SC. If you can find me I would love to friend anyone going through this process and we can private message to keep in touch.

Anyway best of luck and never be ashamed of taking control of your life and health. .

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My supervisor every week always asks me if I am still going through with the surgery. He always asks me why and tell me that I am taking the easy way out but he is very unhealthy himself. When I decided to go on this journey I really was scared of how people would think, I always knew it would be some ignorant people and the ignorance really did show. You are getting yourself healthier and extending your life, you will be able to do things that you couldn't have done before. This is by no means an easy lifestyle change but you can do it and that's all that matters. GOOD LUCK!

I can't believe the gall of some of the people described in this thread. I think I'm lucky because just about everyone in my professional life has struggled with their weight to one extent or another. My VP at work lost 65 pounds last year, and my boss has lost about 50 pounds or so over the past two years. (It also helps that we are all friends, and that I have known them both for 10 years.)

I guess in my personal life, no one has had the balls to say something like that to my face if they are thinking it. But regardless, it's just ridiculous that in 2016 people think that this surgery (or any other bariatric procedure) is "taking the easy way out." Please....

I stand by what I said earlier about channeling shame and negativity into positive change. But, when it all boils down to it, screw the nasty people who are likely either blessed with great genetics or who really shouldn't be pointing fingers themselves.

I agree with everyone else. Don't give your attention to ignorant and insensitive types like this. If he really cared, he would do the research and find out more about how you are changing your life, or at the very least wish you the best possible outcome. No, this person is a self-righteous douchebag who doesn't deserve your time or energy!

Best of luck to you!

Very well spoken. Stand proud!

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@HopefullnVirginia just checking on you, how did your surgery go?

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@@tiff291 surgery went great! I'm not in pain except for the trapped gas that makes my chest hurt. Just did a lap around the hospital floor trying to help expel the gas. Otherwise I'm doing pretty good! How did your surgery go?

@@tiff291 surgery went great! I'm not in pain except for the trapped gas that makes my chest hurt. Just did a lap around the hospital floor trying to help expel the gas. Otherwise I'm doing pretty good! How did your surgery go?

My surgery went well also. I had some pain with the trapped gas during the night and also on the side where they pulled out the stomach. I had to do 6 laps around the hospital floor before they would discharge me yesterday

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