How do you get over the guilt of being fat?

For those of you who used to be thin, and gradually gained weight over the years, how did you handle this?

For those of you who were overweight or obese as children, what is the point where you stop blaming your parents for "making you fat", and actually take personal responsibility?

How do you handle comments from others who simply think that if you "just put down the fork", you can lose all the weight you need?

I am just beginning this journey. I was not overweight until about 16 years ago. I went from 140 lbs

to 240 lbs and over about 2 years and now I am at 270 lbs and I am 5 4. My weight began with

taking antidepressants and having a huge appetite. Before I realized it I had gained 100 lbs.

I met with a surgeon on Nov 15 and have pretty much been excited about the prospect of losing

weight. But I have so much shame about being obese. When I was smaller I guess I was

attractive or at least people complimented me. But I have experienced the way people treat heavy

people since them and I now avoid everyone. I go to the grocery when there are less people. I

will not let anyone take my picture and I absolutely have no idea of the woman who stares back

at me when I look in the mirror.

I am now over 50 and I know I will never look like I did 15 years ago. But it really hurts. I will not

shop for clothes except online. I lost my husband 5 years ago and I have completely withdrew

from society because I absolutely hate what I look like. I know that the weight loss will help but

it will not fix what is in my head. I have friends who are heavy and I have never once thought about

it in the way I judge myself. I don't go with my girl friends because I don't want them to be

embarrassed by me. I hate the clothes I buy and how I look in them.

I am beginning therapy to help but this sense of not being worthy to have or try to have another

relationship in my life is a problem. I am just so afraid of how much it will hurt if I get rejected.

So I just stay to myself.

I ask all of you to please tell if you have experienced anything like I have.

In a word...yes. All your feelings are very much understood by not just myself, but many who are here on this site. I've been banded nearly four years and for the past two and a half, I've been in therapy. First it was to figure out the 'new' person I saw in the mirror..and then it was all about the reasons for the obesity. I've been peeling back those layers for all this time and in the end...I truly believe it's all about abandonment and rejection. At least for me it is.

I believe with all my heart that I gained the weight because I was building a wall around me. Now that I don't have that protection, I have to learn how to deal with the emotions and feelings without turning to food. I'm still working on this even though I've been at goal for years.

For some, this is just a physical change and they are fine and good with it. For me...and you it seems...and many others, the obesity is a symptom and it's up to us to find the deeper issues..and fix them.

Good luck...feel free to PM me if you like. I'm not on this site as much as I used to be but I'm always here to help if I can.

Oh..and one more thing. I too am a widow...have been for more than 20 years...and still feel like he abandoned me. This is one of the many reasons I'm in therapy....and likely why the second marriage failed....and why I am working so hard to not let it interfere with the current relationship I have. He's a miracle in my life and I don't want my issues to overtake once again.

I don't believe in feeling guilty over obesity, it IS a disease like many other addictions - a physical and psychological disease. I do believe in taking responsibility for your health, and here you are, doing that. Congrats!

The food industry fooled us, and got us hooked on sugar, salt and fat, and we bought into it, but are you guilty? Nope, you were purposefully uneducated. Seriously, there are proven neurological studies.

Now you're educated and you're treating your disease. WTG!!