Okay, so this is an update on me in a nutshell…

I had taken a short break from college, but now I am going back.

I had moved back to Corpus for about 3 months with a sorority sister, but she ended up being a, well, a bitch and because my name wasn’t on the lease, and I stuck to my responsibilities instead of partying all the time, she kicked me out the day after I paid rent on grounds that were completely false, however I don’t have a leg to stand on in them. I have a boyfriend that Ive been dating for about 2 months that I have had hell with, however he and I are both working on our lives right now. I am back in my hometown trying to get a full-time job and goto school as well as get back in the Theatre. He is in rehab for alcoholism. I asked him to go. He is a great guy, but I cant be with someone that I cant trust with money. Atleast if he bought crap we would have something to show for it. I love him so much, and he is freakishly in love with me, but unless he straightens up his act, I can not be with him. Im diagnosed as pre-bipolar or bipolarish and Im taking trazadone and abilify to help manage that. Im not happy about being home, but its better than being homeless in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Corpus Christi</st1:place></st1:City>. I actually have a positive outlook right now, which is rare as many of you may know. Im in debt up to my ears, but with the right job I can fix that in a few months. I need a new car and new cellphone, but since I lived a homeless life in Corpus (thanks to my wonderful roomie), and lived very poor because my boyfriend was a bartender/busboy and I was a hostess at a restaurant, we couldn’t afford much after helping our friend that we were staying with out with rent. Ive never lived that way before, it really opened my eyes. Ive almost completely quit drinking myself btw. I finally saw how much money I was wasting just tipping the bartender for free drinks! I still enjoy a couple of drinks every now and then, but as for the every night party I would rather not. As for events coming up……..Im going to school to get my paralegal certificate and Im going to Substitute teach at the schools here until I get a fulltime job. Well that’s my update……….Im open to questions, I know it is kind of brief for my writing lol!

Thought you did not get along with your mother. Good luck

Have you thought about starting to have some conversations with your Mom about boundaries and joys before the baby is born. You certainly want to enjoy the baby as his/her Mom and Grandma. And you want your Mom to help. You also have to be an adult in charge of raising a baby, in charge of your own meds so you're able to raise a baby, etc. You don't want your child growing up seeing either an incompetent or upset Mom or a controlling upset Grandma. Maybe the baby coming gives you a way to start to talk some of it out. If that doesn't happen, it's possible that your Mom will end up raising your baby....You already know that with ehr actions about your pills, you've allowed yourself to react in a way that gives her control over whether you take your meds. Good luck. Thos could be some uncomfortable discussions.

Hey, Jodi. I was just thinking... Since the Dad probably didn't have parenting models to learn from, and you Mom may not havbe been an ideal parent, it might make a whole lot of sense to go to parenting classes. You're probably already thinking about ways in which you'd like to parent like your parents, and ways that you don't want to. You're a good student. Seems like a class worth taking.

I can not take my medications while Im pregnant. BOO I know, my boyfriend just loves that fact. However I manage well. Mom is starting to understand more. My mom is not a bad mother, just has crazy moments atleast once a day. My mom is fully capable of keeping my child....She raised me, and realizes her mistakes. She sees this as a way to start over. to get another chance. She doesnt want to take over. Shes 45, she doesnt want another kid. I dont think they offer parenting classes here. That just doesnt sound like something this town needs. We have close families and instincts. trust me if my God Son's mother can do this, I most definately can do it, and do it better! And yes, the way that green worded her post was just barbaric. "just get rid of it"! he/she is not an it! he/she is a little person! and Im not going to just get rid of him/her. It sounds like she wanted me to just flush it down the toilet or something. absolutely uncivilized.

I read Green's post as revealing some of her own history in order to be of help about options.

I'll bet you can even find parenting classes online. Not that I think you'll be a bad mother....just that you want to be the best Mom, so gathering whatever info you can will certainly help you reach your goal.

How far along are you? Any morning sickness? I have no idea...can you keep the lap band filled during pregnancy?

Jodi,

We can only go by the information you have given on your past posts. Any parent who causes "all hell to break loose" when her daughter is trying to take prescribed medication needs some education regarding your bipolar disorder and parental boundaries regarding adult children. You can't take meds while you're pregnant but you probably will need to start up again after the baby is born. If she doesn't take your medicinal needs seriously for your illness it's quite possible she won't take your role as mother seriously either.

I don't wish to argue with you regarding your ability to parent or your mother's because I have no idea of either. I'm simply pointing out an issue you might want to address before the baby is born. It would be to your and the baby's benefit.

Even the very best of parents can benefit from parenting classes. If there are no classes (if your town has a social services division, which most do...there HAS to be one nearby, then there will be parenting classes available..), then try on-line as Betsyjane suggested. I'm sure there's a wealth of information there. Raising a child, especially possibly without the father, is the hardest thing you'll ever do and you can never be too informed or accept too much educated help in that regard.

Im about 6 weeks pregnant. I havent had any morning sickness. I had a little nausea caused by a smell that was in the air (you may be able to classify that as morning sickness) but as far as just waking up sick or just doing nothing and being sick, no. Instead, however, I have had a cold for about a week! The only problem is mom doesnt understand the fatigue that Im having. I just cant stay awake for long at all. Im going to bed at like 9 pm every night and I dont wake up until like 10 am the next day. Then Im sleepy all day and take several naps. Im just sleepy for some reason. Also, for some reason I can not find a job ANYWHERE! They dont know Im pregnant. We are keeping that secret until I have a job. So I dont understand why I cant find one! Im doing all that I can to look for a job during business hours and do massive amounts of school work in the evening. And sometimes that just doesnt feel like its enough. I am happy that Im pregnant, but sometimes I just wish I could go back in time and redo this entire past year, August to August. I just feel like a complete failure. Not because Im pregnant at all. Surprisingly that has nothing to do with the feelings, but because I screwed up so badly!

I wonder if you're sleepy from going off your meds...in addition to maybe some depression about your last year, and difficulty finding a job. Hmmm... What about looking for retail jobs where you can get a discount on maternity clothes or baby stuff......

I think I've seen a thread here in the past for pregnant bandsters....You might want to hook up with them.....

I think that the statment about you could just get rid of it was a bit to much. You dont just get rid of a baby. I am really happy for you. And you are right. Your 20 years old and you already love your baby. There is no reason that you would not be able to take care of you and your new little one. Women do it all the time. You have a very good attitude about it. Congrats and good luck to you. We are all here for you if you need to talk.

Have you talked with your physician about stopping your meds? There are many options available, not just quit them all. There are some that are safe during pregnancy, especially if you weigh the option of taking them vs not taking them. Please talk again with your doc about available options.

I have never had regular periods, I have never been able to use that to give me an early sign of pregnancy. My first clue? Inability to get enough sleep. I was sleeping all night, and napping non stop!!! Then one day about a week into this unbelievable tiredness, I rolled over one day, and just that brought me wide awake, my breasts were so sore, laying on them was enough to wake me up in a hurry!!!! By the time I got past the first couple of months, these were non issues, and I got my energy back. So I predict soon you will be back to a pretty normal wake/sleep cycle.

It was a VERY reliable pregnancy detector!!!

I believe the "get rid of it" post did exactly what it was meant to do--it made you and everyone here VERY aware of where you stand and what you want to do. It MADE the Mama Bear in you come out.

Most women fertility issues aside can be Mothers. That is not the issue, the issue is being a good Mother. Good instinct will help you along, but you are playing with a deck already stacked against you, and I fully support these "been there done that" Moms who say get some parenting classes. It is like cooking. Most anyone can pick up a box of Kraft macaroni & cheese and follow the directions, and make themselves something to eat. That does not make them a good cook! Having the ability to give birth does not make you a good Mother. NO matter who we are, or where we are in life, there is always something we could learn from.

Just like the Mac & Cheese, I have no doubt with the help you receive, and your own desire to do so, will allow your child to survive....but the goal is to allow that child to Thrive. He/She will be born into an iffy situation between you and the Daddy. And a sometimes volotile situation with your Mom. And then there are the things over which you truly have no control---Childbirth often brings on Post Partum Depression, which will be coupled with your bi polar diagnosis.

You just have a lot of difficulties, that perhaps some parenting classes could help you with. The new classes deal with lifes new challenges! My DD went to parenting classes when she was pregnant, she went with her husband. She had no doubt she could love and nurture a child, but she wanted to do it the best she could---she read, and attended several classes. She come in one day telling me class revolved around custody issues, and how that didn't help her.....ask her now if she is glad she paid attention??!!! She and her husband divorced when my granddaughter was a small infant. The classes are not going to be what you see on TV, of them teaching you how to diaper a doll. It is common sense, teaching you ways to cope when the baby has colic and has been crying non stop for 3 hours, and you only had 4 hours sleep in 2 days....they teach coping mechanisms. Something you will find useful when your child is a teenager. Going to a class does not show a shortcoming in you, it shows a desire to be the best Mom you can be, which your child deserves. It may have been acceptable 20 years ago to send your child to Kindergarten to learn how to tie his/her shoes, and how to count and write their name, but not anymore, they are expected to know that when they get there!!!!

I would also call legal aid and make an appointment---whether there is a relationship between the 2 of you or not, the Dad needs to be responsible for the child. And you need things in order to protect the child if it should arise, from having an addicted Father.

Just my .02 worth......

Kat

thank all of you for your recent encouraging posts. Maybe I will try parenting classes somewhere between getting a full-time job, going to school more than full-time, and making doctors' appts. I know the father wants a family, he wants all of this, its just Im iffy if he wants it SO bad that he will nearly kill himself to get it. Right now yes, he is. But will he in a month? Eh, I used to work retail, here in my town actually. The only problem is yeah it pays more than Im making now, but its just not enough. Not to mention that those jobs are far and few between around here, there are only 3 clothing stores here other than Wal*Mart. Wal*Mart will fire you if you call in within the first 60 or 90 days, which i just cant handle because I have to take the first dr appt I can get with my Dr. because she only takes a select amount of patients and she squeezed me in somehow, so therefore I have to take what I can get. I just dont understand why ppl wont hire me? I have 3 times the personality and 10 times the skills that the people that already work there or other applicants that Ive seen! Its just frustrating, knowing that I have allllllllllllllllllllllllll this talent on a computer, and I never get to use it to make money! I saw who a company hired the other day over me, she could barely find the keys on a keyboard, but they picked her because she was a nursing major and Im a Paralegal Major. I wish I had that luck with lawyers. Lawyers here dont want to hire me because they are all fully staffed with people they have had working for YEARS AND YEARS! And I cant get on anywhere else BECAUSE my major is Paralegal Studies! UGH! So frustrating!

How is it going without meds? I wonder if job interviewers are detecting some manic stuff and are shying away from it. Can you tell when you are getting manic and when you are on an even keel?

I honestly have not been manic since I came home. Ive been off meds for a few weeks now, I feel the urge every once in a while, but somehow by the grace of GOD himself I just suppress it. Not in a bad way. It doesnt build up or anything....just I think God is helping me deal with it as much as possible until I can take meds again. I mean every now and then I just have this impulse (usually for shopping) when its just gotta go gotta go.........but somehow I start thinking and Im like, you know I really should spend my money on better things right now until I get a job. I dont think the employers are picking up on manic behavoir, I think they are picking up on pregnancy............I just found out last night that my best friends mom is TELLING EVERYONE!!!! And it really pisses me off. its not my friends fault at all, but I wish she would call and talk to her mother and tell her to be quiet for a while, and after Im hired and steady I could care less if she put up a billboard and put it on cable! lol! Just let me get a job! I have somethign a little promising coming through this week hopefully, Im going back to talk to them on monday..........AND my first baby dr appt is Tuesday!!! YAY! Although she doesnt take medicaid, so Im going to see her until I find out if I qualify for medicaid, then see about switching to another dr who does take it. Hes really good too. I just like the thought of a woman dr. and none of them take it around here ;(

The down side of living in a small town! One person starts talking about pregnancy and the employers know about it...

Your first appt.....start keeping stuff, even your receipt and a business card from the doc. You can make your baby a scrap book....