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Hubby not being supportive

So my surgery is scheduled for next Saturday. My husband all of a sudden decided to try and talk me out of this. He says things like I'm crazy for getting a healthy, viable and an important organ that is perfectly fine cut out and removed. He is also freaking me out by saying what if the surgery goes wrong or what if the GA goes wrong. As it is I'm already stressed and listening to negative things is the last thing I want. I made that clear to him and that I don't want to listen from him anything more but he just won't shut up!

He insists that he is saying those things out of love and that he cares but he is doing it all wrong. I've asked him if he truly does care then he should be praying for me and supporting me instead, to which he replied back by saying that if a truly care then I wouldn't risk my life and risk them losing me. He insists I didn't try hard enough by dieting and that I'm only thinking that I'm choosing the easy way out.. I feel devastated and scared.. Don't know what to do.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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  • He is most likely scared but don't let that change your decision. My surgeon made a statement that changed my entire view of this surgery being elective . his question was " have you ever seen morbidl

  • 2goldengirl
    2goldengirl

    He's scared, and he's taking a hamfisted approach to telling you he's scared. You're both scared. Which is completely to be expected. That said, that doesn't make his words or his approach anyth

  • Sophie74656
    Sophie74656

    Honestly the biggger risk to your life is being overweight. The surgery is a minor risk compared to everything that comes with being overweight. You will be fine and you will do great

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Don't give up on talking with him! Talk, then talk, then talk some more. PLEASE!!!! DO NOT go into this surgery without giving him and you EVERY oportunity to be supportive.

This is why I strongly believe that it should be mandatory that there be at least one "couple's session" with a therapist PRE OP. --or better yet, a SO session with a therapist. That would give his/her fears/opinions a chance to be heard and addressed.

You are going to change after WLS. You are his "better half". Maybe he doesn't want you to change.--or is fearful of you changing.

PLEASE, take the time and EVERY chance to gets his support. I promise you, you will not regret doing so.

Prayers going up for the both of you.

I think that is a great idead. I was lucky that my husband was not trying to talk me out of surgery (actually by thr time i had surgery he had already mentally checked out of the marriage and didn't care one way or the other) but I've heard often about unsupportive partners.

Einstein said "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." That said, arguing about the surgery apart from the benefits is false discussion. I suggest you read this thread for inspiration:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/195065-you-know-you-lost-weight-when/

And have your husband read:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/219760-sex-oh-my-god-sex/

Keep your eye on the prize and good luck.

What he doesn't get is that your stomach is not a perfectly healthy organ, and your liver, gallbladder and heart aren't either. The greater risk is having a stroke or heart attack.

exactly.

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