I have been seeing a very wonderful person and things are going well. But I don't want to settle for the first guy I date after surgery. Don't have the heart to tell him that I just want to date. Did anyone meet the right person without having to meet others?

I had sworn off men when I met my husband. I was just out of a bad relationship and had planned on just dating casually. We just clicked. We kept separate apartments for another seven months, but we were together every night after the first few weeks. We've been together for almost 15 years now. Sometimes you find the right on right away.

I went on a couple dates with one person just before I met my husband, and I had a couple people that were interested, but I wasn't wanting to go there.

Do you feel like you are settling? Or does the relationship feel good and seem worth pursuing? If you're not sure, maybe you need to go on some more casual dates before deciding to take a relationship beyond the fun stage.

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You used the word "settle". Is that how it feels?

If so, I'd say the answer is pretty obvious..

You also say you "don't have the heart to tell him that you just want to date"...

Is there someone else you have in mind?

Or is it just in case there's someone better around the corner?

Do you "have the heart" to string him along for a while and then ditch him when someone else comes along?

Please note that these are merely questions, not accusatory enquiries...

My opinion is that you can find someone just about anywhere and at just about any time...

They can just appear in your life and change things forever...

No warning...

No games...

No bullsh*t...

And if it feels right, then it's right!!!

People spend too much time worrying about what may be...

Let's spend some time focusing in what IS...

Enjoy the moment, people...

Because who the f**k knows what'll happen when this moment ends...

Sorry, I got a little off track...

You know what you want to do in your heart...

Just do it!!!

Worry about the consequences if and when..

That's what I'm doing!!!

Don't say anything. Just keep dating him and see where it goes. As long as you haven't agreed to be exclusive, date other people. The best way not to get serious with one person is to date more than one person at a time.

If you feel it's settling, then I think you don't really like the guy. I'd tell him and not strong him along

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You have the right to date around if you and the man you've been seeing haven't agreed on exclusivity. To be "seeing a very wonderful person" doesn't mean he's your wonderful person. If you do have an agreement, but have come to want to explore other possibilities, that tells you something. If he's just now brought up the subject of exclusivity and you haven't answered, there's your answer. Be kind in any case. He deserves it and so does your dignity.

P.S. It's difficult to respond without knowing how long and often you've been seeing him or whether he's given you a reason to tell him you want to meet other men. In general, it's at about the six-month mark when people know whether there's anywhere to go. If not, farewells are exchanged or phone calls dwindle and cease.

The thing is he is everything I have wanted and then some. Maybe I have underlying fears. I will continue seeing him and see what flourishes if anything.

Thanks all for your wisdom. Greatly appreciated

@@dusky goddess, well, then...?

For me, it was and will forever be Gregory Peck.

"Underlying fears" sounds like a good guess. Don't over-think it. The fear could be because he really is the real thing and ...gulp!...then what? Or maybe your relationship history is skimpy. Or a dozen other things. Trust your instincts and throw yourself off the cliff. I refer to the instincts to stick around, not the instincts to run.

If I may be so bold as to speak for our esteemed colleagues in this topic, we expect invitations.

Edited March 19, 201610 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

don't dangle him along..be decisive and do it

Are you enjoying him, or is he the "good on paper" guy who ticks off all the correct boxes (stable, job, nice, responsible, calls when says he will, etc.,) but there is no spark on your end?

I had to let go a couple guys who were "good on paper" and it killed me. I knew they were great, awesome guys -- just not quite right for me. I was either not attracted enough physically or a little bored. I moved on, and I think it was the better option.

But I think you're right to do soul-searching. If you like this person a lot but are worried you haven't gotten a chance to date around and find something maybe better? That's kind of a slippery slope. I'd really think hard and long about cutting a great person loose for fear of missing out. I dated a lot of toads to find my (mostly) prince, LOL.

My aunt met her second husband after a long period of being a single mom with no prospects. He was maybe the 2nd or 3rd guy she had a date with and clicked, and that was the one she ended up marrying. Seven years later, they're doing great.

Good men are hard to find. If you're just scared you like him so much very quickly, and he's good to you -- I'd maybe take a breath and continue seeing him. Sounds like he could be a keeper!

How long have you been dating? I actually think 3 months is long enough to kind of "know" if the person is right for you, just my two cents. Feel free to disagree:-)

It IS a dilemma.

I am in the"dating casually" phase. Meaning, intentionally keeping it light and not focusing too quickly on one man. I have been seeing two guys for about a month and realized I don't have time for more than 1-2 dates a week so there is no room to keep it open to meeting someone new.

H is a super nice man, by all accounts seems to be really into me, perfect on paper - but I just don't feel the chemistry. He isn't easy to converse with.

M - smart articulate lawyer, made some crappy life choices, not perfect on paper but super fun to hang out with, wonderful conversationalist, easy to be with.

Today, I decided to kindly break it off with H because I am just not into him. M and I discussed things and he is cool with seeing each other even if it's not likely to result in a life partnership. We h ave fun.

Now I have "space" to meet someone new..and keep my heart open to meeting someone that I am " into" as well as being a good match "on paper"

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