Shame is a painful, social emotion that can be seen as resulting "...from comparison of the self's action with the self's standards.

This is an edit of the original post. Based on the above definition shame is a fitting word to use for this post. Other associations that one may have with the word shame is not my doing.

May I also add I did in fact end this post with a sense of hope for future progress that I think people seemed to over look. Admitting that I had a feeling of shame for a few days does not mean that I am suffering from low self esteem. Nor does it mean that I am always feel shame. People whom attempted to advise, well fine people I was not looking for tips or steps or guidance on how to change my emotional state because I knew that was going to change. Sometimes we do not give others the right to feel as they do. If one feels some sort of negative emotion we have to find ways to eradicate it right away in stead of wrestling with the emotion to have a better understanding of self. Also, the idea that I or anyone else should not have goals as it relates to weight loss is nonsense. Did not embark on this WLS journey with a goal in mind? Huh, am I wrong? We all have goals here. They may not be the exact goal, but still. No one had WLS with the goal of, "Well I would like to have major surgery to keep my body exactly the same." Come on now! With all that said, read on. Leave advise if you want. Please know it is not needed or wanted, but hey you do you.

This past work week has been overly exhausted. This week I had two assemblies and a field trip. One of these events alone is stressful, but both did me in. I only exercised once this week. I feel really bad about that. I suppose a better word for it is ashamed. I have this secret fear that I will never make my goal weight. That my work will just be in vain. My eating has been as it should.

I have to evaluate what happened to me this week. Two things happened this week and both are not encouraging. I realized last weekend I was not going to successful at my challenge I set for the Valentine's Day challenge. I also have this fear of not being successful. I have lost more than fifty lbs, but I keep thinking what if this is it. As a person who has "old fat", I have been over weight/obese since my youth, perhaps this is all my body will know. So I guess I gave up this week in some ways.

However, when one fails at one goal then one just needs to make another goal. Next week I will do better. I have to think of a game plan. Next week we not be a week of shame.

Edited February 20, 201610 yr by 1Cor2:9

I wholeheartedly agree that one needs to adhere as best they can to what their medical team has advised. That is my plan. However, as I said before I had bad week. Part of me processing that week is to express it. That's it. For me I just want to make sure I am exercising because I want to be a healthy size and strong. One week off course does not throw off the whole journey. I think we would agree on that. So, yup I am going to continue to do as my team has told me. And you are right again in that there will be other weeks. But being struck down for one week does not mean I am destroyed.

I think you have received some great advice. As I was reading the original post...I was thinking how that sounded like my presleeve diet mentality and cycle of failure. It went something like this:

-somebody tells me a program I MUST follow and I will be thin
-I am desperate to be successfull so I will throw my heart and soul in. I am so invested that the scale brings me happiness or despair on at least a daily basis.
-I set up mini goals with rewards; all time and scale based of course.
-I make some of those goals early on, I am feeling good, motivated. I continue to strive for perfection. Get my self a mani pedi but don't feel like I deserve much because I am still obese and seems like I always have been.
- I miss a goal, or heaven forbid, the scale shows a gain
- I redouble my efforts,if I just hadn't skipped that workout,or taken that taste of something forbidden. But I can do better
-anxiety and worry bulids, another week goes with poor losses/mixed results. I don't understand, I am as perfect as I know how to be, perhaps even under eating to make up for transgressions.
-slowly, I am becoming less compliant, diets never work for me anyway.
-can't take it anymore, chuck the whole thing....somehow wind up not just going off the diet, but manage to swing wildly the other way and one by one destroy the good habits I have been forming
-stop weighing/ignore/buy bigger pants.

That is the secret to how to weigh well over 300# without really trying.


Once you have shifted to believing in a new lifestyle, time based goals become much less relevant. Instead, you start doing what you do because it's now just what you do. (Follow guidelines). Sometimes the scale rewards with a loss, sometimes it doesn't, but that matters less because you aren't on a diet. There is no "end". Getting to some arbitrary goal weight is just a number, a milestone. Maintenance is the real work, this isn't a temporary thing.

Like several of the other people o people who responded, I have been at goal for a few years years, after nearly a lifetime of obesity, and I maintain by keeping doing what I do - which is follow the guidelines most of the time and with diligence, not anxiety.

Ok, I had only read page 1 when I posted. Clearly the topic of emotions around weight loss have been fully debated and my comments aren't relevant or useful to the situation, but maybe a lurker will recognize a bit of this pattern and it cause some self reflection.

My only credentials is my personal success story - I am half my former weight and holding steady 4 years post sleeve.

Your comments were awesome and dead on!

1Cor2:9,

Thank you for being brave enough to share your struggles. I have the same secret fear. I am having my surgery next month, and my worst fear is that I will not change and it will not work, like all the other times I've tried to lose weight. Even though people tell me it is life changing, there is still that tiny part of me inside that doesn't believe.

As a fellow teacher, I know how demanding work can be. Let me tell you, if you are exhausted after running around on field trips and assemblies, I'd say you got your exercise in.

I understand how easy it is to focus on the things I DON'T do, instead of remembering the blessings and triumphs. I read 1 Corinthians 2:9, and it gives me hope. I hope it does for you as well. Good things are coming, so good that we cannot fathom! In the meantime, rejoice in His blessings, that your food was on point, and that you made it through the week!

Thank you. It is hard to envision something that one has never seen. I have been have since the age of 6. That means I have been heavy for almost 30 years and way more than half my life. So I am with you I think it is a natural insecurity. However, I press on because I have not finished this race. We are going to make. Even when I have that thought I do not give up.

That's right! A friend asked me today if I was excited about my upcoming surgery, and I had to say no. It's not that I don't want it--I DO--but I cannot conceive of how my life is going to be post-op, so instead of freaking out about it and rolling into another binge, I am going to put it in God's hands and take it as it comes.

@@1Cor2:9, I hope your week is going well.

I am currently reading a Brene Brown book and came across her definition of shame. It brought to mind this post so I wanted to share it with you:

"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."

I think it is an important topic to be open and honest about and applaud your honesty.

But, I truly hope that we all learn to feel that no matter the numbers on the scale or whether or not we achieved some arbitrary goal we are worthy of love and belonging.

Isn't that Jesus' central message?

Perhaps disappointed would have been a better word. I did not feel unworthy of love or any of the rest that you posted. I like to exercise a certain number of days a week and when I had not done that I was not happy about it.

@@1Cor2:9, I hope your week is going well.

I am currently reading a Brene Brown book and came across her definition of shame. It brought to mind this post so I wanted to share it with you:

"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."

I think it is an important topic to be open and honest about and applaud your honesty.

But, I truly hope that we all learn to feel that no matter the numbers on the scale or whether or not we achieved some arbitrary goal we are worthy of love and belonging.

Isn't that Jesus' central message?

I like "disappointed" better than "ashamed" in this context. I think that is why I was concerned.

No problem. I apologize for my poor word choice. I am good. I am somebody regardless of what my body may or may not look like. I thank you for the concern. Hey, my period was on its way I was feeling a little tender emotionally. lol!

I like "disappointed" better than "ashamed" in this context. I think that is why I was concerned.

No problem. I apologize for my poor word choice. I am good. I am somebody regardless of what my body may or may not look like. I thank you for the concern. Hey, my period was on its way I was feeling a little tender emotionally. lol!

I like "disappointed" better than "ashamed" in this context. I think that is why I was concerned.

Boy do I understand!

I prefer the phrase:

"That totally sucked."

I didn't suck. My efforts didn't suck. My intentions didn't suck. What the scale reflected sucked but in the grand scheme of things....OH WELL.