My surgery is in 10 more days, it feels so surreal. I've been reading post after post trying to fill my mind with anything an everything. I saw a story a few days ago with someone getting the bypass with their highest weight being my lowest weight, same height and at this point in my life I thought I was thin. It just really makes me question everything I've ever done weight loss wise, and let me tell you I have done some really nutty things( think injecting myself with hcg). Why didn't I ever just think about this choice before? Maybe I just thought it was for those who were morbidly obese, with there own television shows. But I'm morbidly obese, I feel so hurt and ashamed of myself right now for letting it get this far. I took my kids to the park over the weekend and watched the other moms able to play with their kids while I sit in the car weeping.

Idk maybe it's just everything getting so close, my desire for the last few years to have this done and the time has finally come. Maybe it's the attitude and arguments I'm getting from my once supportive partner. And all I can think is how can you look at me and not want me to get this done? Maybe it's the fear of being away from my kiddos for a couple days.

You are almost there and you will be so very happy when you are out there hanging with the kiddos!

The feelings you are having are really normal, we all had them. Before you know it your weight will become a non issue. It was shocking to me how fast I started to feel better.

Right before I had my bypass I went on a 7 day cruise with my family. I was so sick and did not even realize it. My family would not do anything without me and so I trudged along on shore with them only to turn back because I couldn't walk anymore after 30 minutes. They missed exploring the island of Aruba because I needed to go back to the ship and would not go without me. It made me sad and miserable.

That was last August, I had surgery at the end of September.

On February 7th we went on another cruise with my other son to Hawaii. We went on 5 shore excursions that week. My husband and son had a difficult time keeping up with me this time. I had to keep slowing down and waiting for them. I never held them back the whole trip.

Do you know what that did for my self esteem? Wow, it was the trip if a lifetime for me!

You will be there very very soon! I am excited for what you will discover. No matter how hard you try, it is hard to imagine those feelings until you experience the. It is like discovering a whole new world that you get to participate in!

I wish you the very best of luck! You will do well, you have the perfect motivation! Those lovely kiddos!

You have begun a change of a lifetime. This tool we are receiving is going to give me back my life. I am in almost constant emotional upheaval these last few days, crying at everything, getting angry with my sister and brother for not being supportive. I had to remind myself why I'm doing this. I want to enjoy the rest of my time here on earth. It seems like a lot of people go through these emotional stages while they are preparing for WLS. I think it is normal. You are so close. Imagine how much fun you are going to have when you are able to run around the playground! What fun!

Are you about ready? I am.. Mine is on Oct 6th! Your kids will be so proud of you