I just needed to get this off of my chest. Sometimes....Well, alot of times, I just want to scream ENOUGH!!!! I know that I haven't had as hard of a time as some people but I am really tired. Truth be known if it weren't for all of the caring, fun people here and the support that I have received I am not sure how I would be dealing with things. The thing is I feel so guilty for feeling as depressed and hopeless as I often do. It seems like my whole life has been one struggle after another.

When I was born, my lungs weren't fvery strong and I had severe allergies. I spent the first several years of my life in and out of the doctors office and such and my poor parents had to watch everything I came in contact with. My food allergies alone consisted of: potatoes, corn, milk, eggs, flour, bananas and several others things that didn't really concern me. I could not have anything with the least amount of these items. Think about it. The ONLY candy on the market that I could have until I was about 8 years old was Bottle Caps! Any one remember those? I ate alot of rice and soymilk. My enviromental allergies forced my parents to move to West Texas. I had to sleep in a recliner because my asthma was so bad. I couldn't play like other children because I couldn't breath well. I took allergy shots twice a week. I missed alot of school and struggled to make friends. Then, just as the shots were starting to work, I began to gain weight. From the 2nd grade to the 3rd grade, I gained like 40 pounds-or what seemed like it anyway. My parents put me on diets and the Dr. made me wear this awful back brace because the weight was causing me back problems. Kids made fun of me all of the time. After two years of torture, a Dr. realized that I had a Thyroid problem. The weight came off.

I still dealt with allergies and my thyroid had cause me to quit growing for two years. But the worst thing was my self esteem. I never got that back. Even though I have been told that I am pretty, I have never believed it. That can cause alot of problems. Without going over the details, I have been married three times and have struggled financially for most of my adult life. I did start college when my first child was 2 but that took 8 years for me to finish school because I had so many health problems, got divorced 2 times, and had 2 more children. I had an emergency hysterectomy after my last child and my second husband left me for the baby sitter because he "couldn't handle me being sick all of the time". I managed to finish my senior year in school-a single mom of three. Then, I got a job in Dallas teaching- I thought things were finally looking up. I had a job, wonderful kids, and then....I got married moved to Little Elm and Started a new job..

All of a sudden everything began to fall apart: I started getting sick, I found that a close family member had been abused, my weight was going up and I couldn't quit crying. The dr put me on all kinds of anti de pressants and I just continued to struggle. At work, no one knew what I was going through. I put on a smile and didn't tell anyone. Then, I missed an after school function because I had to go to the hospital. My principal was furious. I explained to him that I had been having some health problems and that I had been taken to the hospital. My dr. thought I could have cancer in my kidneys because I had been peeing blood for several weeks and tests didn't look good. I even gave him the note from the hospital. He told me two days later that he felt that it was in the best interest of the school district not to renew my contract! I had to work the next several months knowing that I wasn't coming back-I don't know how I did it. I was sick and now I knew that I wasn't going to have an income or INSURANCE soon. I felt like he had just given me a death sentence! THEN a two weeks before school was out my cousin was violently murdered. He was like a brother to me! I missed three days and came back in a daze. THEN three days later a truck ran a red light and totaled my car. I was so lucky that I wasn't killed! I spent the summer in physical therapy. Now, I am paying COBRA because my meds are more per month without the insurance than the monthly payment and I still don't have a job! To top it all off----My husband was just laid off from his job!!!! What the hell? Haven't I been through enough? Will it ever end?

That's wonderful, Lauri! I'm glad to hear it! You know, my dh and I have done a lot of struggling through the years, too. Sometimes it just seems like we have to hit bottom before things turn in the other direction. I hope everything works out well for you and your family.

Yes! I definately have alot to be thankful for. Sometimes it's so hard to see the good when times are tough. At least with Steven having a job and my family helping we don't have to move right now. I think I am going to have the money for my COBRA and house payments! The thought of losing my health insurance after everything I have been through to get my band was really upsetting me.

Hey! another "good" thing for my list- This is really cool. When I was a kid I had two sweet friends(they were sisters) that I went to church with in Midland, Texas until I graduated from high school. I haven't seen them in years. Well, when I get on the school web site a few days ago to see if there were any sub positions available, I noticed a name that looked familiar. This person had the same name as my friends younger sister. I just had to ask.....I emailed her and sure enough, she was their sister-AND-her older sister worked at the school, too!! Is that awesome or what! I have probably subbed at that school 8 or 9 times this year! It's a small world! I am so excited that I might get to see them again! I have been praying that God would bring a good Christian friend into my life-someone that I could really connect with. God is good! (also on my list) All three of them are in the area and two of them are teachers in the district that I really want to teach in!! Neat huh?! :banana :banana :banana :banana :banana

Wow, from down in the dumps to dancing bananas in such a short time! I'm so glad things are working out for you. Sometimes all we need is a little perspective.

Nancy

Lauri,

You have definitely had your share of struggles. We had a recent sermon about struggles that came to mind when I read your post. I am glad to hear your hubby did get a job and you won't have to move just yet. Hopefully things are on a turn around mode. Best wishes to you, Teresa

Lauri,

That is great news, so glad to hear it.

One day at a time!!!

Oh, gosh, Lauri, I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. It really just sounds like you've been hammered. Here's hoping that your husband's new job is just the first of many wonderful things coming into your life.