hi

I am going to Tijuana on Sunday, surgery Monday. While I have you wonderful peoples attention, I would like to ask a question. RAw truth is what I need. I have been so negative about this whole thing. Not in the moment with any goals, like Im going to lose 10 pounds per month till MYGOAL? Thinking and talking like its just another thing. My lovely husband flipped on me finally last night ( in a good way) and said, r u even excited? Why are you doing this if you are so negative about it being a great opportunity to be happy healthy and thinner? I just cried. I am just crying. I heard that again from a co worker today. WTF? I didn't even know, I haven't been excited, Ive been in a fog. What have your goals been, if any? Did or has any one felt like this unintentionally or other wise....uggggggggggggggggg, maybe Im truly scared to get this fat off of me after all. How does one be in the moment and have excitement about this whole life changing experience?

Thanks,

Was this your decision to do this? Did you feel pushed to do it by someone else? How long ago did you decide to have it done? How much research and planning have you done about the procedure and beyond?

Sorry about all the questions. Just trying to get a better idea about your thought process

I did not feel excited. I mean right till the day of.

I was apprehensive and struggled with WTF am I going to do to myself??? I work in a hospital as a social worker and see many folks return to the ED after surgery ... Generally for dehydration. My coworkers who are RNs did clinically psych me out too as we have a large bariatric program where I work. In the end my inner social worker came through and how my life would be better, and longer by dumping the weight. The 2 week liq diet also showed me the way.. (Shrinking Scale) and I did go through with the surgery as planned...

I wasn't scared for me, but for those I love... I have always been the caregiver and placed others in front of myself. I really thought I couldn't be "happy" about the surgery as some may have taken it the wrong way. I also I didn't know how to be...excited. As a bigger person I have always just settled for whatever came my way. Now, I don't regret having surgery at all. (I'm 8weeks post op) I did have some weird dreams after surgery that had to do with replaying my past life and missed opportunities (regrets) cause I felt too big, but it all has gone away. I'm loosing about 8-10 a month now.

FYI- I do have some food morning at times as I love to cook. And if I taste while cooking -- I'm too full to eat the end result. I'm mad at myself at times for waiting so long to have surgery... I'm 45 yrs old. That's about it.

I would say I'm not excited. I want to have the surgery and have gone to great lengths to get it but part of me doesn't want to get my hopes up. What if this becomes another failed attempt at losing weigh? I can't let myself imagine the possibility of success in case it doesn't work.

Thanks ajcowgirl and other honest posts. It means alot to me. I do think perhaps the day i fly it might be exciting then. All your thoughts make sense to me. Babbs..yes totally my decision. .my money...i am researched out...lol.

I think being negative is just self sabbatoge and im going to write some positive affirmations tonight.

Thanks angels

Xoxo

I don't think I was excited. I was nervous, apprehensive. I think we are all different and show up to surgery differently and that's OK. Happiness may show its self later when you start getting your life, health and mobility back, as you shed pounds and experience those wonderful nonscale victories.