The In-Between
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As though my body and mind are preparing for their very big changes and rollercoaster of emotions, I have found myself in the eye of the storm, so to speak.
When I first decided on WLS I went through my phase of sleepless nights and constant researching and reading. I scheduled my consultation with a surgeon. And now I am in a period of calm that is only frustrating when it isn't otherwise uneventful.
I had my consult, scheduled my date. I have my NUT appointment on the 18th, which I am sure will rejuvenate the excitement, but... I just really dislike this in-between time. I was supposed to be switching insurance by July 1 and from there would be able to set up the EGD and blood work, but here it is a week and whatever unforseen holdups later, and the switch hasn't gone through yet. And while I still have a month, I have this nagging worry that it won't change soon enough and the additional expenses (EGD, blood work, possible hiatal hernia) will be lumped on top of the cash price I am already paying. Then my surgeon also told me to try and lose some weight between our meeting and surgery, even before the two week liquid diet. Of course I told him I would try, and I've been eating better though I already ate fairly well before and I've even been replacing a meal or two or even a snack with a Protein shake and still the scale sits at the exact same number as if mocking me. Which doubles my frustration, leading to thoughts towards my surgeon's request like, "If it were that easy for the weight to come off, I wouldn't be seeing you" or "Great, what if not being able to lose enough weight pre-surgery really messes things up and my liver is too big and he doesn't even perform the operation?" Perhaps I am just keeping myself busy enough not to feel the excitement right now, and the quiet of the storm's eye will pass and then I'll be thrown about with energy and anxiety and anticipation, and then I'll finally be on the other side...!
But right now? This in-between time sucks..